Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

The Surprise

Saturday, August 2, 2003

It seemed like an ordinary landing on an ordinary moon, until ...

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3746    RATING: 8.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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This started as a little drabble for the ff_Friday live journal challenge on the topic of surprises. But you know sometimes there's more of a story that wants to be told than you can do in 1000 words. So this one expanded. In fact if you like it there just might be another chapter or two in there to be written.

You know all the usual disclaimers, consider them said so we can get on with the story. And sorry guys, no 174 feral chihuahuas in this one!

The Surprise

They’d just landed on Chimera. Jayne was helping their customer unload the cargo and Mal and Zoe were looking on while they discussed possibilities for the next run. A young girl came up to the cargo bay. She was slightly built, dark-haired and kinda reminded Mal of someone; he couldn’t place just who though. She looked around the cargo bay diffidently. Didn’t seem to be very outgoing, that one. Mal and Zoe stopped their conversation, both wondering who she was and why she was there.

"Can one of us help you, Miss? I’m Captain Reynolds. Do you have a message for me or somethin’?"

Her eyes lit up a little at his name, like she was relieved to find him without having to ask. "I’m Mary Jo. Can I talk to you in private, please, sir?"

"Don’t call me sir, my name’s Mal. Ain’t nothin’ you could say that Zoe here can’t be in on." Mal was way too smart to go off with some strange young girl in private. That sort of thing led to all kinds of nasty accusations and undeserved jail time. "But if you don’t want to talk out here, we can go to the kitchen."

"Yessir, that would be good, sir."

The three of them settled at the table and the adults got cups of coffee and gave the girl some water to drink Mal asked, "Now what’s on your mind, Mary Jo?"

She looked embarrassed. Then hung her head and started to talk in a very low voice. "My mama sent me to find you when she heard this ship had landed. She said you’d be taking care of me from now on."

"And did she say why that would be?" Mal was actually very gentle about asking especially considering

Comments
Saturday, 02 August 2003 01:59
Excellent Gem. Two surprises, first that it was Mal's daughter. Thought maybe Inara's from the description at first. Then, of course, the surprise for everyone else upon their return to the ship. Somehow I don't think Inara will be too happy, but then again, she might just befriend the child, she does have that caretaker quality in her.

You may just have to write Chapter 2.
Saturday, 02 August 2003 04:38
Good opening. Write more and tell us about the rest of the crews reactions -- Caties eventual passing and how it effects the father & daughter -- MJ's life aboard and whether or not MJ and Mal end up with a solid or rocky relationship. Does anyone else NOT see Mal being a strict, worrywort of a father? :)
ANONYMOUS
Saturday, 02 August 2003 06:06
BC

I did read it on the other board. It's really lovely.
Wednesday, 06 August 2003 09:30
Excellent! I thought this was a brilliant story and I love the way you characterised Mal and his reactions, showing that contrast between tender regard and hard cold steel. And Zoe was spot on too! I cannot wait for the sequel, this could turn into one awesome series of stories. Xiexie, Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
ANONYMOUS
Saturday, 24 July 2004 06:27
I just now found this story and I have to say it is one of the best I have read. I hope there are sequel out there somewhere that I can catch up on too. Great job!

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