Serenity Inc., Part One
Monday, June 2, 2003
Ongoing spoof of the FF series.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3329 RATING: 9.0 (G) SERIES: FIREFLY
In the trailer
A crate is jimmied open. It is Maniac with the crowbar, Archer who pulls the top off, looking in. Sarah, Lerx and Kaythryn are also about.
Archer
"Well that sure enough don't hurt to see."
ANGLE: IN THE CRATE are bottles of what look like whiskey
Kaythryn
(excited)
"They're awfully pretty..."
Lerx
"I'd say worth a little risk."
Maniac
"Yeah, that was some pretty risky sittin' you did there."
Lerx
"That's right, of course, 'cause they wouldn't arrest me if we got pulled over, I'm just the driver. I can always say I was driving the truck by accident. You know, that pretty --"
Archer
"Sarah, how do you say shut up in Chinese again?"
Sarah
"Bizui, sir."
Archer
"Bazewey!"
Sarah
(Smugly)
"But you asked, sir."
Archer
(Long suffering look.)
"Never mind."
He has a bottle in his hand, is looking at it up close.
Sarah
"Problem, sir?"
Clearly, yep, there is. But Archer tries to cover.
Archer
(after a moment)
"Couldn't say."
(puts the bottle back in the case)
"But we'd best be gettin' rid of these before we run into any more bears."
Maniac
"What the hell they doin' out this far, anyhow?"
Kaythryn
"Shining the light of civilization."
Maniac
"Doesn't do us any good..."
Kaythryn
"Well, we're uncivilized."
As they talk, Archer approaches Lerx, talking over them.
Archer
"How long 'til we reach Smithville?"
Lerx
"Three or four hours."
Archer
"Can we shave that?"
Lerx
(shakes his head)
"We're down to the fumes in the tanks. We run hot, we might not even make it."
Archer
"'kay. Play it as close as you can. This catch is burning a hole in my trailer."
Sarah
"Think that cruiser could've I.D.'d us?"
Archer
Let's hope not. Contact Succatash, tell him the job's done. Don't go to
mentioning the cops, though. Keep it simple."
Sarah
"Sir, we're sure there's nothing wrong with the carg --"
Archer
"It's fine. I just wanna get paid."
Sarah and Lerx climb out of the trailer, heading up front.
Archer
"
Mal- Me. Ha. That's what I get for writing it.
Zoe- Miss Sarah.
Wash- Lerx. Now you know, buddy. All nice and spelled out for you.
Jayne- Maniac, who else?
Kaylee- Kaythryn, which causes me hell in editing. I see the first three letters and go "Got it!"
Inara- Defender.
Badger- Succatash.
Further chapters will introduce Simon dressed as HotForKaythryn, the uber-geek, River as Maguinan the secret IRS experiment, and Book as Wulfhawk, the devout Randian Objectivist.
Oh, and Sergeant X as Dobson, Two-Fry, Niska's various henchmen, the bandits from OMR, the bandits from OoG, the scruffy guy who tries to steal the ship in OoG, the local fanatics in Safe, the obnoxious Doctor in Ariel, and, well, wherever else I need cannon fodder villainous extras.
Needless to say, he's gonna end up pulling the biggest paycheck on this show.
With a special guest appearance by Gail Berman in the role of Niska.
This is really funny. Absafragging highlarious.
This was excellent! You write with seeeming effortlessness. I need to read part 2 now.
can't wait to see how THIS turns out. it's good to be the writer, isn't it?
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