Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I’m not making any money off this, just playing with the toys.

A/N: I strongly recommend that you read "Sunday's Child", "Deeper Than Bone" and "Fear Is In Us All", found by clicking on my name above.

A/N #2: thanks to hisgoodgirl for the beta. You rock!

You smiled at me. It wasn’t the smile you gave to the Captain or to Inara. It was the one for me. I learned to recognise it very quickly; you offered it so freely to me so often I would had to have been blind to miss it. I may have been blind about you for a long time, but not about that. That smile was joy and happiness and a little mix of awe.

I know I tend to put people off. I’d said as much to Zoe at the Bessie exhibit. Did you ever forgive me for that? I always wondered.

Talking to girls, to women, was just so difficult for me. So much of my life was devoted to learning and school that I had little time to learn the finer social intricacies. I’m sure that my mother was disappointed, but she doesn’t count anymore.

Not until I met you did I permit myself explore the emotion of love for a woman. After Miranda, it became natural. We had shared so much in that short time. Both of us came so remarkably close to death, shadowed it, that we couldn’t help but be different. You came to me and I allowed myself to welcome you. You allowed me into your sanctuary and I worshipped.

Here, now, though, I have nowhere to go. The med lab was is painfully empty and sterile. I am continually cold and fear that I will never be warm again. I think I understand Zoe better now.

The Captain’s voice announcing dinner made me drop my vial and I watched the shattered pieces of glass splay across the floor. I knelt and began gathering them, not thinking to sweep them up. A moment later, I was holding my finger to my mouth to capture the blood.

No one commented on my bandaged finger; I doubt anyone even noticed. Talk was light, superficial and I missed mo