Inara smiled as Mal sat on the bed and cocked her head. She traced the hem of her shirt with her middle finger and opened the bottom button. Mal watched with rapt attention as she unbuttoned her shirt slowly, finally revealing the cleft of her breasts and a white bra. After the shirt hit the carpet her skirt quickly followed.
“Beautiful,” whispered Mal.
Inara sauntered towards the bed and crawled onto it. She kissed Mal who immediately roved his hands all over her shapely body. He unhooked her bra and rolled her onto her back, tossing the garment far, far away. Little time was wasted kissing her lips when those soft breasts were so naked.
Mal took a nipple between his lips and sucked it. Each breast was cupped in one hand but there was so much more of Inara to touch that he wished he had a few extra arms. Inara giggled at his enthusiasm and the slight tickling sensation of his tongue roving her chest. He was eager to taste every inch of her body. To that end he was dropping his knees to the floor and pulling Inara's panties off, going straight for the most precious morsel.
She let him prop her legs apart in his hands and dive in. His dripping tongue sloshed across her pussy, making her gasp in pleasure. Mal was making "mmm" sounds as his tongue slithered around her outer labia. Her pussy practically flowered for him all on its own, letting his tongue probe inside as far as it could go.
When she was properly moaning on the bed he moved up to her clitoris and flicked it with his tongue. The moans came close to cries of ecstasy. Her thighs suddenly closed around his head, locking him into a position where all he could do was tongue her clit.
Inara's hips jerked and writhed, taking Mal's head with them. He nearly pulled a muscle in his neck. To save himself some pain the next morning he focused in on her clit and licked it as fast as possible. "Yes! Oh god!" cried out Inara. Mal went harder and faster and was soon rewarded with a gush of cum.
Even then he would not stop. "Ah, ah, ah," chirped In
Fight the power, peclicken.
Heavily "Sex-Centric" fanfic has it's place. And, I truly enjoy some of the best Naughtiness out there. This? Not so much.
Try rewriting this with an "In Canon" Mal and Inara.
Part of me recognizes the fact that is erotic fanfic and that Mal and Inara are rather out of character. However, another part of me wonders "who says they wouldn't get this nasty if they finally broke down and had sex.
I mean....Mal appears a prude and Inara's a Companion. Both parties wouldn't seem to be people who get mucho potty-mouthed or...unbelievably invovled in the acts themselves, rather than the significance behind them. However, as a Devil Advocate for Pelicken's position/work (in name of fairness to a fellow writer and Browncoat), I gotta wonder if they wouldn't get all "F--k me! Yeah! Do it!" with one another, as a result of their repressed emotions towards one another. Since we only have limited evidence of Mal and Inara's sex practices from the series, I would want a tad bit more on-high proof that this kind of NC-17/X action would impossible, even as something that happens "off screen" (aka something to be rerefenced to but not shown, possibly).
Still, as a bit of advice from one writer to another? This kind of Firefly fanfic might be better served at a site like Television Sex Stories Archive (http://www.t-s-s-a.com) or Literotica (http://www.literotica.com/stories). Cuz you can write this kind of story out without getting narked at for being too outside of canon. 'Sides...I know of at least one author who started out doing stuff like Harlequin romances and harder stuff that transitioned to "mainstream" ficiton. I have the same faith something similiar could happen for ya;)
BEB
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