Blue Sun Room FICTION - ADVENTURE

It Never Ends Part III

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

It's always darkest before the dawn. The conclusion.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3059    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Part III

"What are you talking about preacher?" said Aaron angrily.

"I think judging by being around River for as long as I have, and by what you said in your story it's very unlikely that the alliance could use her abilities in such a way. I believe Reader's have limitations the same as everyone else. Judging by your story I would estimate that two of those would be focus and distance. If they were capable of reading anyone's mind anywhere, then why would they bother to remove you from the holding cell? Really if they were capable of not only reading your mind, but also killing you with thought, why would federal marshals attack the resistance strongholds? Why wouldn't the reader's just kill everyone in there and not risk a confrontation."

"Too many voices make the song hard to hear." said River as if the answer was plain.

"I would guess that the reason they took you one by one was that they couldn't achieve the same sort of goal unless there were several reader's all focused on one individual. Not only that, but they had to even be in the same room, so it's unlikely that a reader could reach targets across a planet."

"There isn't any other explanation." said Aaron. "They must be doing it."

"Actually there is a much simpler explanation." said Book as he turned Aaron's head to the side exposing a small discoloration of skin behind Aaron's left ear.

"What is that?" asked Simon as he moved in to take a closer look.

"It's a tracking device of sorts. It's very advanced. The metallic components are so small that they can't even be noticed at a casual glance unless you know what to look for. They are also covered in organic tissue so you could walk through a scanner and it wouldn't be detected. Everytime you made contact with the resistance they had you tracked. No mind tricks, no reader's, they didn't need them. They just followed you right to their targets."

Wash picked up Book's bible. "Ya know Captain maybe we should all read this. I was never much of a religious man, but I mea

Comments
Wednesday, 14 April 2004 22:17
Well there's part III. I'll obviously have to go through and do editing on this one too, but I wanted to get this up and have a conclusion for this story, so i can start on something new. Anyway if ya have any comments or advice I'd appreciate it.
Thursday, 15 April 2004 06:47
Good action! Good story. I absolutely _loved_ Wash's bit with the Shepherd's bible.

You popped into present tense again here and there ;-) You're a natural script writer, aren't you? (and a good one, I might add!) If you don't mind a mite of writing style thoughts--you might look at varying the narrative sentence structure more. Most are straight forward noun/verb sentences, such as in a paragraph near the end, there's "They held..." "They stepped..." "They turned..." "They immediately activated..." Instead of "They held their blue sticks out before them as they made their way to an escape shuttle" try some "As they made their way to an escape shuttle, they held their blue sticks out before them" or "Holding their blue sticks out... etc"

Kick-ass dialog & character voices! Enjoyed the whole story, thanks for sharing it!
Thursday, 15 April 2004 12:21
Thanks, sorry about that I do seem to slip into that without even thinking about it. I just get the idea rolling and I forget that when you see it in print it doesn't sound right. I'll go back and try to clean that up. Thanks for pointing out that one part for me too, I suck at editing so anytime someone can point out a specific point I need to fix I appreciate it. I'll definatley try to use what you suggested when I get time to go through and correct everything.

Glad you liked it though. I felt like Wash's line was the first time i've gotten a comment that was worthy of Wash. Like I could picture in my mind him saying that on the show. I was trying to put wash into this part as much as I could since I seem to keep overlooking him. It's like despite my best effort I slip in to making everything about Mal, Jayne, and River. Next time i'll have to give the rest of the crew a fair shake.

Course now I'll have to find a way to work in more of Zoe... I for the life of me can't figure out how to write good lines for her. I feel like I can only get ok lines if she's talking to Mal or Wash. I don't think I've ever had her talk to anyone else. Alright next story i'm definatley gonna work in more Zoe.
Thursday, 15 April 2004 17:31
This was brillo pads, loved every gorram word of it! Really nice action sequences and love how just a few words from River say more than a dictionary full of words. *Xiexie ni*, very shiny. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Thursday, 15 April 2004 18:03
Liked Aaron's redemption, and moreso Mal's perspective. A rescue by Reavers, though is pretty farfetched but could well make sense depending on the identity of their leader. Hope there's another chapter!
Thursday, 15 April 2004 21:00
Yeah I didn't really intend it as Reaver's to the rescue. Was more or less a saved by accident type thing. I'm still deciding what I want to do next. I might leave the plot I was starting at the end of this one on hold for a while. Maybe let the crew do a few jobs for a bit before we go back to the creepy place.

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