Part III
"What are you talking about preacher?" said Aaron angrily.
"I think judging by being around River for as long as I have, and by what you said in your story it's very unlikely that the alliance could use her abilities in such a way. I believe Reader's have limitations the same as everyone else. Judging by your story I would estimate that two of those would be focus and distance. If they were capable of reading anyone's mind anywhere, then why would they bother to remove you from the holding cell? Really if they were capable of not only reading your mind, but also killing you with thought, why would federal marshals attack the resistance strongholds? Why wouldn't the reader's just kill everyone in there and not risk a confrontation."
"Too many voices make the song hard to hear." said River as if the answer was plain.
"I would guess that the reason they took you one by one was that they couldn't achieve the same sort of goal unless there were several reader's all focused on one individual. Not only that, but they had to even be in the same room, so it's unlikely that a reader could reach targets across a planet."
"There isn't any other explanation." said Aaron. "They must be doing it."
"Actually there is a much simpler explanation." said Book as he turned Aaron's head to the side exposing a small discoloration of skin behind Aaron's left ear.
"What is that?" asked Simon as he moved in to take a closer look.
"It's a tracking device of sorts. It's very advanced. The metallic components are so small that they can't even be noticed at a casual glance unless you know what to look for. They are also covered in organic tissue so you could walk through a scanner and it wouldn't be detected. Everytime you made contact with the resistance they had you tracked. No mind tricks, no reader's, they didn't need them. They just followed you right to their targets."
Wash picked up Book's bible. "Ya know Captain maybe we should all read this. I was never much of a religious man, but I mea
You popped into present tense again here and there ;-) You're a natural script writer, aren't you? (and a good one, I might add!) If you don't mind a mite of writing style thoughts--you might look at varying the narrative sentence structure more. Most are straight forward noun/verb sentences, such as in a paragraph near the end, there's "They held..." "They stepped..." "They turned..." "They immediately activated..." Instead of "They held their blue sticks out before them as they made their way to an escape shuttle" try some "As they made their way to an escape shuttle, they held their blue sticks out before them" or "Holding their blue sticks out... etc"
Kick-ass dialog & character voices! Enjoyed the whole story, thanks for sharing it!
Glad you liked it though. I felt like Wash's line was the first time i've gotten a comment that was worthy of Wash. Like I could picture in my mind him saying that on the show. I was trying to put wash into this part as much as I could since I seem to keep overlooking him. It's like despite my best effort I slip in to making everything about Mal, Jayne, and River. Next time i'll have to give the rest of the crew a fair shake.
Course now I'll have to find a way to work in more of Zoe... I for the life of me can't figure out how to write good lines for her. I feel like I can only get ok lines if she's talking to Mal or Wash. I don't think I've ever had her talk to anyone else. Alright next story i'm definatley gonna work in more Zoe.
You can't take the sky from me
Post Your Comments
You must log in to post comments.