Need advice (or sympathy, at least!)...fcuk-ed up situation!

POSTED BY: ShinyTrinket
UPDATED: Wednesday, August 23, 2006 18:42
VIEWED: 5971
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SHINYTRINKET

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 3:39 PM

Thank you, Zoid--here's a bit more background...
When my friend and I worked together before she performed a very different role in the business than I did. She performed a more technically-advanced but very specific job, while I was an overall "jack of all trades", if you will, employee that handled a multitude of tasks. What I THOUGHT I was applying for at the new business what a position similar to what I had before, where I would handle the day-to-day stuff, clients, scheduling, administrative stuff, etc. While I consider her very well (much better, actually) qualified for a different role in the business, I feel I am more well-rounded for the position I interpreted this as being. And it's not just my interpretation, it's what was advertised and what I discussed with the employer in the interview. I guess this just blindsided me, is all. I don't consider either of us more qualified, just differently qualified, and I thought "my" set of qualifications is what they were looking for.

Also, about the hotness thing...we're both in our forties and not worried about puttin' that out there, so I don't think that was the issue...especially since the interviewer was a married woman. Never know, though.

The workshop in Kama Sutra still might not be a bad idea

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Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a good gorramn!

SHINYTRINKET

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 3:49 PM

THANK YOU all for your opinions and understanding. Now if I can only learn to be as understanding about the whole thing I'll be in good shape!

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Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a good gorramn!

ZOID

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 3:58 PM

ShinyTrinket replied, in part:

Quote:
...She performed a more technically-advanced but very specific job, while I was an overall "jack of all trades", if you will, employee that handled a multitude of tasks...

Would I be correct to assume that she's maybe got a secondary education degree or vocational certification in this field, and that you do not?

It hardly seems fair, but it is a fact of business-life that those with 'skins' get preferentially hired and advance more quickly than those who do not. Luckily -- if this even describes your situation, and I'm just guessing here -- lack of specialized education or certified skills is a weakness that can be alleviated, if one wants to badly enough...

If the above 'guesstimate' is not in fact the case, then we're back at interviewing skills and wearing the right sort of clothes (and makeup, for ladies) to the interview. That calls for some structured learnin' on your part, and some third-party evaluation from a consultant who's got real-world expertise in those subjects, as they apply to successful interviewing. In other words, a business-oriented makeover, not one from the Almay counter at Macy's...

You'd be surprised what wearing the right clothes, displaying the right body language, and answering the interviewer's questions just right can mean in the pursuit of landing the job you really want...

Encouragingly,

zoid
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"I aim to misbehave." -Capt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity, a.k.a. 'the BDBOF'

AGATSU

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 4:00 PM

Did she ASK you if it was okay to apply as well? That's the least she could have done.

The Serenity Summer Campaign is on, baby - prepare to kick some serious pigu!
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=19&t=21775#326341
September 30th is Serenity 'Versary! Be there or be a purple-belted poop-head. (<- not the official slogan.)
I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

JONNYQUEST

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 4:11 PM

Wow. As always we've run a gamut of responses. Which is good in that it is important to consider as many paths as possible, bad in that it may in fact make it harder to sort everything out in the end because it all makes sense in parts: what is the right thing to do?

What to do and what to feel are two very different things. What to do is figure out how you will treat your friend from here on out. You may not be able to come to this conclusion until after you've spoken to her about it. Did she tell you she was going to apply too, ask you if it was okay with you? (I don't subscribe the dating a friend's ex is wrong theory myself. It may not work out in the end, but if it was over, it's over. No foul. No intended injury to the friend. It's just freedom of choice. I don't think the analogy applies here, since you are both courting the same boyfriend at the same time; nobody has the ability to steal anything yet since it doesn't belong to anyone yet.) If you find out trying to pull the rug out from under you, re-evaluate the friendship. How good a friend was she before this incident?

Regarding the feelings part of this, I can only share my own experience. I had over the years worked my way up in the department, from peon to supervisor to manager, yadda, yadda. There was an enormous amount of restructuring going on as a result of a complete change-over in the computing system. In the midst of all the turbulence, I came up short in my ability to manage everything and my superiors came up short in supporting my efforts. Enter my replacement. She had over the years worked her way up as well. Among her accomplishments she had successfully merged different areas not once, but twice before. She was a natural. And she succeeded where I failed. Able to deal not only with the work, but with the superiors AND the subordinates until the operation actually exceeded all expectations; she actually took on even more areas than I was originally responsible for. I became depressed about myself and resentful toward my replacement, even bitter.

Is you friend more qualified? I don't know. I say it doesn't matter. I told the above story to point out that if your friendship is true, by all means please get mad, be hurt, cry and stomp and punch you pillows until they bleed feathers. But DO NOT sell yourself short and DO NOT be overcome with bitterness. It will eat you up from the inside out in a way that Reavers would envy. It isn't worth it.

Oh, yes, my replacement was my wife.

P.S. About your signature. I think you do give a good gorram. Might want to see to that.

Well, here I am.

DONCOAT

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 4:14 PM

Note to self in the future: when I apply for a job I really want, don't tell my similarly-qualified friends about it until *after* the hiring decision is made.

Okay, I agree that in Seinfeld-land, she broke the friend code and that's bad. In the real world, though, I'd advise you to try and get past it, as others have suggested.

Remember, there are things you don't know... like, how many people applied for the job, and whether you were even the second choice. It's entirely possible that you wouldn't have gotten the job even if she hadn't applied. For example, that particular manager may have a strong preference for hiring people who are currently employed over those who have no job. (Not saying that's good practice, but it may well be a factor.)

In any case, please try not to let it rankle. For all you know, an even better job will pop up any day now, and you'd have missed it if you'd gotten this one.

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I'm pointin' right at it!

LOSTDOG

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 4:29 PM

That does sound like a messed up situation. I can totally empathize with your job search problems. I have been looking for about two full months now and have applied to about sixty jobs and guess what. No luck. I mean, technology is a very good thing, but no one wants to meet anybody anymore. They judge you by a piece of paper. You spend hours writing cover letters and send your resume and nothing happens. I am much better at talking with people than e-mailing and posting resumes, but it seems those days are over. Also, if you don't have a connection somewhere it is like too f*****g bad. But back to your problem. I think Z had it right. Evaluate your friendship because in the long run, that is more important. Though, I can see how it would be hard. You want to be happy for them, but at the same time you feel betrayed. Even though I don't really believe in fate or coincidence, I do believe that if you keep trying, something good will happen for you. So keep trying to find that job(as will I), and just do what you think is right. So sorry for your troubles.

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."

SHINY

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 6:21 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by DonCoat:
Remember, there are things you don't know... like, how many people applied for the job, and whether you were even the second choice. It's entirely possible that you wouldn't have gotten the job even if she hadn't applied. For example, that particular manager may have a strong preference for hiring people who are currently employed over those who have no job. (Not saying that's good practice, but it may well be a factor.)

Although I agree with those saying a friend who is employed probably shouldn't enter into a competitive hiring situation with the unemployed friend who told her about the opening in the first place, DonCoat makes a great point. Wouldn't you rather your friend got the job than a stranger?

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I don't need a gorram back-spaceship driver!!!

SHINYTRINKET

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 6:30 PM

I would feel bad about not getting hired, but it would be a lot easier to move on if I wasn't constantly being reminded of the situation every time I'm with the person involved.

And no, she did NOT do this to undermine me, it just happened and it triggered some bad feelings in me. I think I like what I'm learning about myself a lot less than I like the rest of the situation at this point.

But, again, thank all of you for your input.

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Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a good gorramn!

SHINYTRINKET

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 6:34 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by DonCoat:
Note to self in the future: when I apply for a job I really want, don't tell my similarly-qualified friends about it until *after* the hiring decision is made.

Amen!

Quote:
Remember, there are things you don't know... like, how many people applied for the job, and whether you were even the second choice. It's entirely possible that you wouldn't have gotten the job even if she hadn't applied. For example, that particular manager may have a strong preference for hiring people who are currently employed over those who have no job. (Not saying that's good practice, but it may well be a factor.)

When I interviewed last week, the manager told me out of many people who had applied, I was one of fourthat she actually interviewed, and that she was done interviewing and just had to make a decision...

Quote:
In any case, please try not to let it rankle. For all you know, an even better job will pop up any day now, and you'd have missed it if you'd gotten this one.

Yup, I'm trying to concentrate on that!

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Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a good gorramn!

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