SLICEANDDICE

Sigh... Of course it is being difficult.... ok spilt the story time... I beat my writers block have fun. This is part two. Read part one first. Cont.ed “How can you say that? I am everything you had a chance to teach me and more. I am strong and confident, but soft and caring. I have a career and a life and soon a family. It was hard without you, but I made it through in one piece. How can you look at me with such hate and call your grand child a blasphemy.” The angry look in her eyes waivers. For a moment I think she forgives. For a moment I think she realized her mistakes. For a moment I think I have the love of my mother back. “Roz!!!! Wake up!!! Please baby.” Adiana’s voice cuts through the plane, trying to draw me home. But I can’t go to her. I can’t go to her because my mother is keeping me here. “That’s why. This -that- isn’t what you where suppose to be. You where suppose to have it all; a life, a career, a family but most of all a husband. A husband, Rosalind, not some dyke slut. You where suppose to be normal. That’s why I can say that, because it’s the truth. You took all I gave you I had and more, I died rushing home to be there in the morning for you. I can say that, and I can punish you because of the wrong you’ve done. Its time for me to erase my mistake, before you can bring another to the world.” She wraps her hands around my neck and starts squeezing, start suffocating me. I can’t think, I can’t compute. My mother hates me because I was true to myself, because I loved and made a life with my soul mate. My mother was trying to kill me. Kill me for no other reason than whom I turned out to be. And not only was she going to kill me, she was going to kill my child; she was going to kill her grandchild. This why I got sick when I wore the cross. Because she was punishing me for what she thought I did wrong. My mother was trying to crush the last bit of life’s breath from my throat, and let that be my last memory of her. “Roz,” Adiana’s voice is there again, sounding strained and stained with tears. Like she’s mourning already, mourning us both, our child and me. “Please, not now. Come back to me baby. Please, please. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t – I don’t want to be without you.” She’s begging me to stay and I know I can’t leave her with out a fight. I shove my mother back and fall to the ground, gasping for breath. I feel the air, the life, fill my lungs again, and focus on my mother again. “Is that how it works.” I cough and sputter but stand up to face her. “You get decide I deserve your love only if I am a certain way?” I summon all my strength and stand straight, looking my once loved mother dead in the eye. I let my strength and anger call the moves. Anything else would be a burden and easily a defeat. And I can’t give up. “You know, a part of me can understand why you hate me, but nothing can justify hating this child, for hating your grandchild. What ever it is that made you hate me I did. Me, mom, and no one else. I am the one who is gay, I am the one who fell in love with a woman, and I am the one who didn’t fulfill your envisioned future. And if you have decided because of all this I don’t deserve your love, but only your hate and anger and rage, fine! But this child has done nothing wrong, and deserves the right to live. She deserves the right to see how far her mother’s love will extend. Just like I did.” "And why should I do that, when I don't even believe you deserved it." I am speechless for a moment and my anger boils over. I grab the cross around my neck and hold it up for her to see. "I kept and wore this cross to feel your love and presence in my life, because I didn't have it directly in my life. I had to grow up without you in it." Then it hit me. Why she was really mad. "You only hold a small portion of the responsibility for how I grew up, because you had no direct influence on most of the stuff I did with my life. You where there for my first kiss, my first love, my graduations or even there when I found my true love. And that must really piss

SLICEANDDICE

The logs have a problem with big posts... so I split my story. This is part one. I posted part two first. You should read it. [b] A Mother's Love [/b] Two weeks before my mother died she told me I was her pride and joy. She told me this in the hallway outside my seventh birthday party as she fixed my curls and straighten my skirt. She knelt before me and stroked my cheek with tear filled eyes, making me wonder what I did wrong. Then she reached into her purse and handed me a small, square black box. “When I was a little girl I wanted to be a mommy like I am now. But most of all I wanted to have a little girl.” She opened the box, revealing a intricately designed gold and diamond cross. She gently took it from the box and draped it around my neck. “For the longest time I never thought I would have you. I thought I would be blessed with just your brothers. But here you are, my little angel, my perfect gift. That’s why I named you after me, Rosalind” She straightened the cross around my neck, and kissed my cheek. When she stood to lead me into my party she told me the one thing I will always remember. “This cross is a special gift so you know I will always be with you to teach and lead you.” That meant a lot to me, through the years I was without her. The night my mother died, I bleed. I didn’t injure myself or ‘become a woman’ as my friend’s mothers would say, but blood began to run freely and red from my mouth and nose. I woke up in the middle of the night because of the wetness, and was filled with terror. I went and woke my father, who rushed me to the hospital. They put me in a trauma room, and ran test after but they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. My blood pressure was normal, and my blood count was normal. In the room next to mine I could see the doctors and nurses treating a car accident victim. I could hear the monitors beeping from my bed, and then I heard the beeping stop. When it did, my bleeding slowed down to a dribble. I could hear my father frantically trying to reach my mother, who had spent most of the weekend with her father, and should have been home an hour before. I could hear the doctors talk about find the other patient’s next of kin. I saw my father stop the doctor to ask him a question and stop short when he saw a card the doctor was holding. I could see the dead look in my father’s eyes from my bed, and I could see the sorrow on his face when he came over to talk to me. He didn’t need to bother. I already knew my mom was dead, I just knew. Over the years I learned to do without my mother direct guidance. My father didn’t know how to curl my hair; something my mother took pleasure into doing for me every morning, so I started wearing it braids or straight. My father didn’t know how fix a skirt neat on my frame, so I wore jeans. My father didn’t know a lot about girls, so I learned to be one of the boys. But still I tried to live my life the way I thought she would want me to. I tried to keep her proud. Over the years I grew and changed. I wore my mother cross only on special occasions, and learned to be strong on my own. And then my life changed. I was 19 when it happened. I didn’t know at the time what it was or it was happening but now I can pinpoint the very moment everything changed. It all changed when I meet Adiana and I feel deeply and madly in love. It all changed when I told the truth to myself and everyone else, and finally accepted myself. I was gay and I had meet my soul mate. Things started getting weird after that. Whenever I wore my mother cross I started getting sick. I would have headaches, cramps or get sick to my stomach. It went on for years, getting a little worst each time. Eventually I just stopped wearing it, knowing it was the necklace on subconscious level, I think. Knowing it was her gift was hurting me. Over the years I had a life. I went to college, and then law school. I got a job in a great firm. I made a life with Adiana. But something was missing. I didn’t just want a career and my soul mate. I wanted a family, a family with Adiana.

HOBBLEIT

Hi there, Yes, I went out again yesterday with John, Andrew and Bobby. It was better than last week. John didn't get hammered and some really strange things happened. We had lunch at the Waterhouse (again). When me and Bobby went to the bar he told John and Andrew to watch his wallet. So they sat there and stared at it. They take things far too literally sometimes. Then we went to the Swan (again). When me and Bobby went to HMV to buy DVDs; John and Andrew were stood on Elvet bridge and some dude came up to John and asked if he knew where to get weed. When Andrew told me I couldn't stop laughing and we kept making jokes about it. None were particularly clever but we succeeded in annoying John. Then we went back to mine, watched Doctor Who and I helped Andrew make a slideshow of the photos we had tkaen before going to Bobby's house. In the car there, the seatbelt decided it wanted Andrew dead and he spent the entire journey nearly choking. I was no good and Bobby was nearly crying with laughter. Also when we dropped Andrew off at home, he was trying to get out the back of the car and he fell over and landed flat on his arse on the floor of the car. I would have killed for a photo of that. Just a final thing. Interesting but completely useless fact: if you type Smirnoff into a mobile phone on predictive text, the word that comes up is poisoned. Made me laugh. TTFN Jennifer -x-

COSMICFUGITIVE

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JOSSISAGOD

And got a big ol' Fuck Off! I was basically told that lil bro' needs the car, and I have to suck it up and ride the bus for the next six months at least! Why, if I waited SO long for the car does lil bro' instantly get it when he gets his license and I have to suck it up and take public transportation AGAIN!!! I'm getting REALLY sick of this BULLSHIT! why do I get stuck with the moma's boy for a brother and get stepped on in everything I do!