Board Dispute - Please Help
POSTED BY: BYTEMITE
UPDATED: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 02:02
VIEWED: 13943
PAGE 13 of 13
No. I can't even atone. That's why I have only one path.
It'll get its fill at the end, and destroy me. And that will be the best thing I've ever done. But I have to direct it at the right thing, or all of these struggles will have been for nothing.
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Byte a stor, I'm not sure what I should and shouldn't be saying here in a public forum, since your my good friend and I don't want to embarass you or spread your business. I want to be honest with you and tell you what I think and know to be true, like I do in my letters, but I suspect that you'd not appreciate that in front of everyone, so just know that I'm thinking the things I always tell you when we have this discussion. I haven't changed my opinion of you or of your situation. I've made it clear what I think is going on with you, and what was going on with you in your girlhood, and the changes in your situation that have taken place since then. I think I'll write it all down for you again since I believe in consistancy. But I don't want to go on about it in front of everyone because I don't know how much you want them to hear. So I'll leave it there for now.
Self help projects can only go so far in life.
I guess I was a pretty boring 5 year old really. I was mostly neurotypical at that point, though I was a little late developing empathy and was extremely passionate about my interests, as I still am, but the empathy came at 7 or 8 and it all worked out fine, no one was hurt etc. I didn't get sick until I was 13.
"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya
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Byte, I never said you were faking, nor would I, nor do I believe that. You're misunderstanding me.Quote:
I've known people who were like that, and I was in love with one for four years; she lived with us. Heck, I helped RAISE one, Jeff fitted your description pretty damned well when we had custody of him, between about 10 and 14. Lots and lots of therapy, including family therapy (because the family is always part of the problem, no matter what). He's fine now, he's a really neat, caring, sensitive person. You're a sensitive person, whether you realize it or not, it's just that the sensitivity currently is toward thinking people should hate you or something, and seeing things which are not there (like thinking I was saying you were faking).
Yes. Because clearly some five year olds are irredeemable. Especially ones that continue to do horrible shit well into their teen years that lands them in psychiatric treatment. Ones with horrified parents, who ask why they did something unspeakable, and receive only a laugh.
And he also had "a history of violence, abuse, and manipulative behaviour", but I never thought of him as a monster or irredeemable. It took him into his early forties to
The number of five-year-olds who are "irredeemable" is miniscule, in my opinion. There is virtually always hope.Quote:
I suppose I deserve that disgust.
I saw absolutely no disgust in what Oonj wrote; I saw a query, nothing more.
As Frem said, there is no need for atonement or forgiveness. And nobody has only one path. You're free not to believe that, but I'd still like to know: HOW DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HURT ANY OF US?!? I'm not snarking, I'd really like to know, because I don't see how you can.
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Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:Quote:
Did it into High School?
Did you also do it this month, this year?
That was hard enough to admit. And I suppose I deserve that disgust. The answer is no. But I still hurt people. I don't know what else you want from me.
It's a history of violence, abuse, and manipulative behaviour. It's ongoing. And that is why I can't stand myself. And that dislike is justified, and what I did and what I am, I brought it on to myself. So don't tell me I can make it all better, because I can't, and because none of you would believe that.
I believe you can't change the past, and you can be disgusted with your past self. But you can also change your present and your future, and strive to be someone that past self wouldn't recognize, and who wouldn't recognize your past self.
You want disgust from us, because you feel unworthy of love, or even respect. I can be disgusted by your past self, while still holding out respect and love for your future self.
"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero
"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012
Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"
Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."
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Frem posted about the Darkness inside you, and the fight waged for you from within.
I'm reminded of the old proverb about the Indian and the two wolves, where a wise old Indian is telling his grandchild that inside each of us, there are two wolves fighting for control. One is kind, nurturing, caring, and full of love for the world and all its creatures. The other is vicious, ravenous, gnashing, ready to tear apart the world and everything in it.
The child listens, wide-eyed, and then asks, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?"
"The one you feed," he replied.
"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero
"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012
Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"
Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."
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Amen.
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The proverb of the Two Wolves is one of my favorites, too.
What a great perspective!
How many times a day do I go off on some negative rant? And
then finally wake up to myself, "Oops! I'm feedin' the Wrong
Wolf."
Elegant simplicity.
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Hey, Byte and Oonjy.. want me to solve your issues?
"None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you... YOU are locked in here with ME."
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I can't speak for Oonj, but if you are there when that time comes, then yes, you may shoot me Wulf.
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Quote:
Originally posted by Oonjerah:
The proverb of the Two Wolves is one of my favorites, too.
What a great perspective!
How many times a day do I go off on some negative rant? And
then finally wake up to myself, "Oops! I'm feedin' the Wrong
Wolf."
Elegant simplicity.
He can be an effective guard dog and protector, but he's not the one you should let in the house to sleep by your bed.
"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero
"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012
Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"
Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME