Board Dispute - Please Help
POSTED BY: BYTEMITE
UPDATED: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 02:02
VIEWED: 13943
PAGE 9 of 13
Quote:
I don't believe that. I hope you're just exaggerating.
It's an ebb and flow process, but I usually hate something or someone at pretty much all times.
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Quote CantTakeSky:
"It pisses me off because I see them ganging up on you again,
telling you how much you lashed out, as it were, when you didn't
lash out any more than they did. Like you were the only one who
threw any stones in a crowd of stone throwers. Fuck their patron-
izing bullshit, Byte. You did nothing wrong."
Yeah, it pisses me off, too, when people gang up on someone.
Look at the origin of this thread:
Byte & I exchanged some PMs. I took it that she was angry with me.
She wanted to post the PMs and ask the opinion of board members.
I agreed.
Her closing line there: "Thank you for reading. Thoughts?"
Board members responded. Some of them as tactless as me.
Should everyone have worded it differently?
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Hey DT,
You make an excellent point: absolutism is a very dangerous state of mind. It so easily leads to distortion. Absolutism concerning a person is particularly toxic. There's something in our minds that moves toward either/or when the truth is both/and. Just as Firefly is both a great and a flawed show, we all are capable of great decency and harm.
Your post has teased out for me an absolutism of my own, or shifted my perspective to a more questioning frame. Thanks for that.
Well, here it is: I believe self-hatred is a wholly destructive thing. I think it's fundamentally maladaptive, bad for anyone/everyone. And while I'm at it, I generally see hate of any kind as a destructive force. Now you've got me wondering if I can find an upside to self-hatred, be less absolute in my thinking about it.
I guess, like anything else, it can be a tool for self-understanding. And certainly, a consciousness of one's own capacity for hate can create space for humility and compassion for others who hate. But I'm kinda cheating, aren't I? In this sense dying of cancer could be considered a "good" thing, because it can teach us about ourselves and bring us into a fuller appreciation of life as we leave it.
I guess whatever befalls us has its use. But that implies also that it has its misuse. And some things that befall us are definitely more manageable than others. Seems to me the only way to manage hate is to relinquish it the moment it shows up--kinda like the ego in Buddhism. Just let it go, let it go, meditate on death and impermanence.
Still can't make much of a case for hate as something of positive value. Perhaps you'd have better luck. Thoughts?
HKCavalier
Hey, hey, hey, don't be mean. We don't have to be mean, because, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
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"... and they'd know why you are all saying what you are."
Well, ahem, not sure 'we' are 'all' saying the same thing. That's why I was wondering what you mean. Anyway >>> I <<< don't feel like I'm saying the same things as anyone else. Just my opinion.
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Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:Quote:
No, I saw you "lash out" at other people.
That thread was not the only place. I'm telling you I remember hurting people. The proper response to that is to go, welp, this person hurts people, and I don't want to get burned by them.
And I'm telling you that you've got big ole blinders on, that everything you observe is going through the filter of your self-hatred so that it all comes out: "Bytemite is BAD and does bad things and everyone hates her!"
Your filter lies to you. You never hurt me. You have at times interpreted things I said as attacks on you, and maybe you lashed out in return, but this DIDN'T HURT ME. I am resorting to all caps because you don't seem to be getting this. My reaction when you do this kind of thing is not hurt, it's more of a mild annoyance that you're making up a fight where there isn't one, and concern that you're spiraling into a bad place.
But it never hurts me. I've seen you go through this enough that I know you'll come out of it. You just come out of it with even more self-hatred. That's what it means that the only person you need to defend yourself against is yourself. When you take things personally that don't need to be taken that way, you don't hurt other people. You hurt yourself.
As long as you keep looking at yourself as some kind of monstrous villain who hurts people - which is ridiculous - you will continue this pattern of seeing everything as an attack. You will continue to lash out, then blame yourself.
The only way out to give yourself a fucking break. You are NOT a monster, and for Heaven's sake no one here hates you. Let go of your self-hatred long enough to consider that. I can't speak for everyone, but I feel pretty strongly that you've hurt no one to near the degree you think you have. No one but yourself. And no one but YOU can forgive you for that.
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Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Every single person who posts here I remember having done something to hurt them. So no, it's not them. It's me.
I have a pretty good memory, and a long one, but I cannot remember you ever doing anything to hurt me, Byte. If you feel you did something to hurt me, it didn't. I'd say I forgive you, but there was never anything to forgive.
"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero
"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012
Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"
Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."
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Quote:
Originally posted by canttakesky:
It pisses me off because I see them ganging up on you again, telling you how much you lashed out, as it were, when you didn't lash out any more than they did. Like you were the only one who threw any stones in a crowd of stone throwers. Fuck their patronizing bullshit, Byte. You did nothing wrong.
I'll defend you to my last breath, cause all I see is a pack of hyenas who are ripping up the one of the few people left on this board with any intellectual integrity and social decency. Emotional predators is what they are.
Really, that's what you have seen on this board? Really?
Here is a run down of the first page and some of the second. I'm paraphrasing most but here is what I see.
To be fair, Byte started this thread, asking for opinions about what went on.
CTS: I like the way you think, you are not hurtful or dishonest.
Frem: Oonjerah is a sockpuppet – beware
Niki: I see some of things Oonj does. You can be hypersensitive. No one wants you to leave.
Story: “I see Oojn making an effort at understanding, and Byte bbeing Byte in return.”
Kwicko: you can’t get along with everyone. Don’t take things on board.
Mal4: no one dislikes you. You see dislike where there is none.
Oonhj: there is an issue, but I won’t reveal it unless you are interested.
Byte responds “Well, I'm hearing all of you. I'd like you to know that when I get bothered by something, it's because I'm genuinely upset, it's not because I'm putting on an act to score points in an argument.”
Then she apologises to Oonj
Niki:its great you are working it out. Points out that there are those who can hate or dislike on the board.
HCK:I’ll stay out of this. Byte and I were also having trouble communicating.
MD: don’t understand what is going on. Maybe you (Byte) need to think about your reactions in this.
PK:maybe some outside help and perspective would be useful
Mal4:I can understand your frustration, there was a communication breakdown.
Then there was a bit of banter about sock puppetry
Ikiki: I saw you go on the attack. I am puzzled why.
More sock puppetry stuff
Byte – “This thread. It blew up. But it was always going to blow up.
I am the wasteland. It's me. Walking across your fields and leaving them fallow. Eris threw the golden apples and now Troy is besieged.”
MD – “Haha. You egocentric little muppet. It's not all about you (keep repeating it to yourself)”
And so it goes.
Does this really sound like a thread where Byte is being ganged up on or attacked? It sounds like basically people are trying to be helpful to me, at worst being a bit sarcastic (me) and at best being downright encouraging and kind.
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Quote:
Originally posted by mal4prez:Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:Quote:
No, I saw you "lash out" at other people.
That thread was not the only place. I'm telling you I remember hurting people. The proper response to that is to go, welp, this person hurts people, and I don't want to get burned by them.
And I'm telling you that you've got big ole blinders on, that everything you observe is going through the filter of your self-hatred so that it all comes out: "Bytemite is BAD and does bad things and everyone hates her!"
Your filter lies to you. You never hurt me. You have at times interpreted things I said as attacks on you, and maybe you lashed out in return, but this DIDN'T HURT ME. I am resorting to all caps because you don't seem to be getting this. My reaction when you do this kind of thing is not hurt, it's more of a mild annoyance that you're making up a fight where there isn't one, and concern that you're spiraling into a bad place.
But it never hurts me. I've seen you go through this enough that I know you'll come out of it. You just come out of it with even more self-hatred. That's what it means that the only person you need to defend yourself against is yourself. When you take things personally that don't need to be taken that way, you don't hurt other people. You hurt yourself.
As long as you keep looking at yourself as some kind of monstrous villain who hurts people - which is ridiculous - you will continue this pattern of seeing everything as an attack. You will continue to lash out, then blame yourself.
The only way out to give yourself a fucking break. You are NOT a monster, and for Heaven's sake no one here hates you. Let go of your self-hatred long enough to consider that. I can't speak for everyone, but I feel pretty strongly that you've hurt no one to near the degree you think you have. No one but yourself. And no one but YOU can forgive you for that.
^ This. Exactly this. What M4P said, to the letter.
Byte, you've never hurt me. We've disagreed on some things. If all you feel you have is hate, then use hate as an energy. Hate is a passion, and you can make your passions work for you. Lots of people use their passions as their motivation; some use love, some use fear, some use compassion, some use hate. If you have hate, then let hate push you to DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE THINGS.
At some point, you may find that your hate has abated, and you've found something to love.
Is that an ideal solution for everybody? Of course not. But I don't really believe in that whole "there's one big solution that works for everyone" kind of world, either. Some people find their energy in love, or in kindness, or in being upbeat people. Others have anger. Both can be motivators, though.
If you have a destructive personality, learn to focus it on things that should be destroyed. Frem is quite an object lesson in this; look at where he aimed his fury, and what he's been able to do with it.
"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero
"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012
Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"
Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."
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Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Defending the board psychopath is ill-advised.
Sorry, That title is already taken. You don't get to take the role. Not even River could take that crown.
I know you too well, you're not at all socially evil. I know a lot of these people, you don't even come close. You're just feeling broken because you've subjected yourself to the emotional torture that is RWED, and these vermin fed on you like rabid parasites.
HK,
Interesting. First, wow, someone actually read something I posted.
Is even hate a redeemable concept. If one can turn it into a contemplative discovery of differences, I guess, that's one approach. I could take my hatred of the NWO and analyze why. I think I would say in part that I see the NWO as in my way, and in part I just see it as damaging to life in general, and in part I see it as something coming from an extremely different world view than mine, one based almost entirely on fear of anything which is not it.
But hate is too often a rallying point for group hate, and then mass behavior and attack. If we were primitive tribes we might go to war, and if we were nations, that war might be disastrous. It certainly is a dangerous fire that goes out of control fast.
Is self loathing itself redeemable? I'm not sure. I think of it as wholly destructive as well, but if it becomes a vehicle of self reflection then I can see it has possibly having redeeming value.
In this case, I think that Byte is trying to wall people out of her life, which probably is a result of their input collectively hurting more than it helps, and so it's painful to have them there.
I concur mostly with what Mal said, even if there are some haters here, and it's not just in her head, but I can see definitely where this board collectively can get to people and that negativity seeps through and fills you with evil and you find yourself doing it to other people off the board. Sometimes we have to take a break.
To that point, I don't know if anyone hates byte, but there are always haters, and venomous people that will spew venom anyway, but I know she has never hurt me. There are also people here who adore byte.
For me, whether or not I am here depends somewhat on the balance of who is posting. There are people whose input I value and those who I find to be on balance destructive, and my analysis of the character of the board is liable to come from that balance.
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Mal4Prez:If I've had to be forgiven, then I've hurt people. That this is clearly indicative of a larger trend and issue I have is something that I have to deal with. It already appears to have gotten somewhat out of hand. I can't take that risk, and it's unfair to the rest of you.
1kiki: Well, not exactly the same thing, but everyone has had a valid complaint.
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