Talk Story

growing up with a bipolar parent

POSTED BY: boris
UPDATED: Wednesday, June 23, 2010 14:32
VIEWED: 6719
PAGE 2 of 3

BORIS

Wednesday, June 9, 2010 11:47 AM

BORIS

Wednesday, June 9, 2010 11:49 AM

BORIS

Wednesday, June 9, 2010 11:50 AM

BORIS

Thursday, June 10, 2010 2:50 PM

wo! whats happening with the site..you try to post and it says it hasnt worked so you try again and again and it posts multiple times even though it says it hasn't...

STEGASAURUS

Thursday, June 10, 2010 3:34 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by boris:
wo! whats happening with the site..you try to post and it says it hasnt worked so you try again and again and it posts multiple times even though it says it hasn't...

I usually go with the the cardinal rule of posting:

Press once to submit. If it posted it was meant to be.

CATPIRATE

Friday, June 11, 2010 1:24 AM

Boris you are not alone. Forgiveness is not about you forgiving them or vice versa. It is about forgiving all the pain that has been dumped on you and your brother so you both can move forward. Entering midlife this happens to many of us. When booze and drugs have entered the person hurt it buries them. This is a step forward with healing. A good book called I will Survive by Claudia Black helps it is an easy read.

NIKI2

Friday, June 11, 2010 1:26 AM

Apparently there's a glitch in the site, it's happened to me, too...you just go back to your post and click on "threads", go back in and there it is. Frustrating, I know, but I"m learning to deal with it!

Oh, good, Boris, sounds like you handle it really well with your brother. I can't believe you can go back and live with your parents...think I'd die first. Mine are both deceased (mom had me at 42 so they were more the age of my friends' grandparents). We cared for mom for three years toward the end, and both husband and I hated what she'd done to me, as well as not wanting to have anything to do with her, but it's the right thing to do, so we were stuck with it. At least by then, like you, she rolled off my back.

I know what you mean about "feelings flashbacks"...all too well! If your brother is bipolar II and is in therapy and has you and his wife to support him emotionally, he's damned lucky and half way there. They call us a "milder" form, but in actuality we're quite different.

Yes, I've worked with people with bipolarity ever since I was dx'd essentially. I used to pick up articles on developments and stuff and sent them all around the world for people who wanted them from the mental health website I was on at the time, headed up a local support group for a couple of years, and now have a website for those with mental illness...we're far and away mostly bipolar, and most of us have known each other for ten or more years, so it's great support. We'd love to have you or him (or his wife) join us if we can ever help or someone just needs to vent or be heard. My e-mail is nikovich@pacbell.net if any of you are interested (we had to close the site to the public because of phishing, so now only people who are approved can join).

For me, it was both a rude awakening and a blessing to learn what was "different" about me. I'd worked all my life...in the corporate world, one of the WORST places for a bipolar! I got the highest paying job I'd ever had, but there wasn't enough work to keep me busy, so I kept taking on more and more. One week after telling me I was doing a great job, the CEO called me in and said it just wasn't "working out". He said I was "trying too hard"--it was such a shock that it, along with some other things going on in my life, caused my first and only major crash--three months in bed and a diagnosis and meds.

I realized looking back that I'd been hypomanic for the three months I worked there--no wonder I made them uncomfortable!! As I said, if I'd just known when I was younger, my life would have been very different.

I self-educated immediately I was able to function again after dx, and continued to do so for years. Learned a ton, and if I can ever help by passing some of it on, I'm grateful to. If we ALL communicated, we could help each other avoid some of the things that happened to us, is my belief.

Can tell you a few things that might be of interest to your brother--will try to keep it short! For one thing, bipolars are frequently higher IQ, more artistic/creative, and harder workers than GUMs...the last of which can get us in trouble. Prime example is Ted Turner...we can burn out (which is what happened to me, I'm now on disability), we can also build empires, then self-destruct and tear them down, but that's usually bipolar Is.

We are members of an amazing group of famous people...if you look it up on the internet, you'll be astonished how many famous people were/are bipolar (or depressive--"unipolar"). Check out http://www.mentaljokes.com/famous_manic.html for a partial list--it will blow your mind! Didja know Jim Carrey is one of us? Only takes a second to think about it, nod and say "well, yeah", doesn't it? But some of the really famous ones, like Michaelangelo, Francis Ford Coppola, Beethoven, Mark Twain, Hans Christian Anderson, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Florence Nightengale, Tolstoy, Dickens, and my favorite, Lord Byron, can help us recognize that "different" can also be pretty fantastic.

In earlier

PIRATENEWS

Friday, June 11, 2010 3:45 AM

I think all parents are bipolar, sometimes.

Depends how hard you provoke em.

BORIS

Saturday, June 12, 2010 12:43 PM

Thanks for all of that Niki2. I'll have a think about joining your site :-). I think my brother need to process for a while before he thinks of anything like that. Another thing about you wonderfully gifted bipolar2's is you find it so hard to accept how amazingly talented you are...e.g. he and I are both artistic and intellectually inclined but in different ways. I am a textile artist, he's a musician , writer and filmamker...i write for fun, people like what i write, so to him that translates as he's not as good at it as I am...which is sooooo not true because he is a gifted writer.also I have an IQ of 169, which to me is completely meaningless and useless as I have moderate executive function disorder affecting how I learn. He doesn't think he's as intelligent as me, but is one of those people who doesn't have to study to ace an exam. He's only just starting to see the good in himself, but its early days...by the way he doesn't know he's bipolar 2...therapist rather smartly thought that info would be hard for him to handle at this time given what we've been through with our mum, and my brother's concerns about passing stuff on to his daughter...no troubles there though as my niece is pretty much a mini me.

NIKI2

Monday, June 21, 2010 4:41 PM

Well, Boris, you just taught ME something, thank you. I never stop learning about this stuff, it's amazing. What you said about Bilpolar IIs having a hard time accepting our artistic abilities made me think, and you're asolutely right!

The only things I can think of is that Bipolar Is are so driven by their talents they haven't much choice but to recognize them and accept them, whereas for some reason, maybe because our talents are lesser or we are less driven or something, the Bipolar IIs I've known have more trouble thinking of themselves as "talented". I've been involved in everything from embroidery to dioramas (my favorite) to other forms of putting color and form together, but have always differentiated between actual "artists" and "craftsman" (which is what I consider myself).

In many case, bipolar end up being the "goat" in the family--the one who'll never be able to take care of themselves, the one the family dynamic puts in the "weakest" position...yet conversely, the one the rest of the family goes to for support. But we often (Bipolar Is, as well), get a lot of negative messages. Given I never was able to earn a living with my various enterprises, they were always "hobbies" to my mother. It wasn't until long after I was dx'd and had self-educated that I realized they ARE a talent, and they're a natural outlet for my bipolarity. Now I appreciate them for what they are.

I've known many like myself who, again, we encourage on the websites I've been on to recognize the good things in themselves, who initially--and sometimes always--disparage their abilities, especially where "art" is concerned. Sometimes we can encourage them enough to help them see through our eyes and appreciate what they do, sometimes not. It's always a crap shoot whether you can get through those bad old messages, but it's ALWAYS worth trying.

Please do join us whenever you feel like it. We're a very small bunch, no more than two dozen and really only ten or so regular posters, but we're a tight-knit group and every there is NEVER anything but supportive. We may be honest and say what we don't want to hear, but it's always gentle and the support is enormously helpful--I know because some of those who have long moved on will invariably turn up again when they need us, or even just to get back in touch.

Which is the way it should be and one reason I created the website. Websites like this are for fun and socialization; websites like mine are for socialization (since we're also often isolated IRL) and support and education. The people there are always really interested in meeting new members and welcome them into the fold as if they'd always been there. As it's a closed site, we can feel safe talking about virtually anything and know nobody's going to come down on us. Pretty much the antithises of RWA here ;o)

We'd love to have you--we have two Browncoats there, tho' they don't call themselves such, aside from myself. Not surprising, as I find "we" are everywhere, even in the most surprising places!

Well, needless to say I'm not at all surprised you're both talented and high IQ. It's almost invariably the case, I have found. And I'm like him, in that my oldest friend and I (still friends to this day) met in jr. high. All through high school I was rebellious (long story, mother stuff, she was bipolar AND had narcissistic disorder--I was a "mirror" for her, so my achievements reflected on her). I didn't do SHIT in school, and got Cs. Paula worked her ass off and got Bs. She went on to become one of the first female rangers, which took a lot of hard work and dedication. We've never wondered who's smarter or such, but I noticed it, and admired her for it. What we're born with isn't nearly as important as what we DO with it, and I never did much with any of the things I was "given" at birth.

You have an astute therapist; it sounds like it's very sensible to let him move at his own pace. That's a blessing; there are far more bad therapists out there, even well-i