Worst of the Worst - Contribute to The Most Awful Fic Ever Written
POSTED BY: jetflair
UPDATED: Friday, February 17, 2012 18:36
VIEWED: 87562
PAGE 11 of 22
Hey, I only shot him dead the once.
Then popped him into cryo and had them repair his heart and resuscitate him.
(He is risen, RAmen.)
*WHY THIS WOULD NOT WORK FOR WASH*
Dead >10 minutes=(pretty much) "don't bother, there's been too much brain damage". Sorry, JMO.
Okay I slowly drained Mal of blood (while under a paralytic agent) to *near* death, too. Yes, it was Niska. Both times, come to think of it....
Why do we love to hurt that man? Is it because Nathan plays "owieowieowie" so well?
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Quote:
Originally posted by jetflair:
Eeew.....not sure I can figure out how to have him survive being drawn and quartered. :shudder:
:Holds Mal protectively:
"Love keeps her in the air...."
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Easy. Mal is really Malcolm MacLeod, a Highlander-style Immortal whose immortality got triggered when Niska killed him in War Stories (the wacky torturer didn't realize the paddles were unplugged). Inara is also Immortal and has been hanging around waiting for Mal to die so she could train him. The real reason she decided to leave is that she gave up on anything ever killing the guy.
...I think I need professional help.
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Inara is a vampire. She could start a spdetective spagency and ...
Oh, wait, that line has probably been crossed before.
Nevermind.
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Quote:
Originally posted by stinkingrose:
Inara is a vampire. She could start a spdetective spagency and ...
Oh, wait, that line has probably been crossed before.
Nevermind.
No, go on, the whole point of this is to cross lines! Especially ridiculous lines!
And, Jetflair, I really want the spaggetti aliens on this too! Please?
"The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vaccuuming systems." -River
"It's just an object. It doesn't mean what you think -River
Bwaa!
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Oh, we also need a crossover with Dune.
The hands of Blue are addicted to spice. Instead of their eyes turning blue their hands did...
Mal finds out that he is a child of some evil Harkonnen. Simon finds out that he is an Atreides, his sister the final child in the search for the final Kizart Haderach. Oh and Atreides are mortal enemies of Harkonnens. Have been so for what? a mere 15,000 years. So, naturally Mal kills Simon.
Inara is a Bene gesserit witch sent to spy on and try to control River. River finds out and rebels.
Mal goes to a token water planet (Osiris) to destroy the Atreides line, while River has to go to a tropical rainforest world (called Papooine) to learn Yoga from a master Jedus. Upon perfecting the art of Yoga, she is totally sane, and can speak the queens English.
Oh, and since she is THE final kwizart, she is now also perfect in every way. She can see what everyone will do, is stronger and smarter than everyone else as well.
She uses her powers in a dastardly plan for an all encompassing lovefest where everyone decides to get on together. Forever and ever and ever.
I doesn't matter that Mal decided to Kill Simon. All is at piece now. (yes I hate HATE HATE scifi pacifism. I want them to destroy each other. Reading 13 books in a series that ends that way? Well, just be glad I did not really enjoy the series. I just wanted some closure, no matter how bad it was. I am not bitter. Honest. Why does no one believe me?)
Oh, I forgot to introduce Moya. or Agent smith. Or the Architect. Do we need HAL to make an appearance? (That robot from Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy is awesome though. Can't use him in worse fic ever. I think hotpoint used a very similar robot in his war epic. But gave it nukes. and made it a ship.)
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Ming. The Merciless.
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nbz - you freakin genius you!
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Quote:
Originally posted by stinkingrose:
Ming. The Merciless.
With Jayne as Flash. Flash Gordon.
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Quote:
Originally posted by nbz:Quote:
Originally posted by stinkingrose:
Ming. The Merciless.
With Jayne as Flash. Flash Gordon.
Yeah, you could have Jayne and Flash merge into one being, causing Yo-Saff-Misti to abandon Jayne/Flash and go corrupt Book, who immediately goes to the Special Hell since he dies in that act of sin. And he can't get reserected.
Please please include the spaggetti aliens? Or give one of the crew Tom Smith Disease?
"The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vaccuuming systems." -River
"It's just an object. It doesn't mean what you think -River
Bwaa!
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nbz wrote:
Friday, September 07, 2007 12:40
Oh, we also need a crossover with Dune.
...I knew if I made BG/Companion comparisons often enough it would hurt someone's mind.
I am now having visions of Mal and Jayne riding sandworms. This is actually more sane than the idea that I was writing.
Actually, I have a nasty feeling that with my penchant for raiding book and film, virtually everything I have written qualifies for either this fic, a Mary-Sue Award or a Section 8. Bwah!
*creeps away again in shame*
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