How to Write a Conspiracy Theory

POSTED BY: AnthonyT
UPDATED: Tuesday, February 13, 2007 20:10
VIEWED: 9429
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ANTHONYT

Friday, January 19, 2007 2:17 AM

How to Write A Conspiracy Theory

Hello,

Having recently perused some wild and wacky conspiracy theories about 9/11 on this board, I thought I'd give a lesson to conspiracy theorists about how to concoct future conspiracy theories. I believe the secret to a good conspiracy theory is that it be simple and believable. Now, conspiracy theories by nature require some level of complexity to make them appealing, but I think you'll see how this works without planting demolitions, launching missiles, remote-controlled jets, or making weird disembarkations of passengers.

*********

Premise 1: The new President and his staff want to secure popular support, and implement several surely unpopular policies to increase their power and the wealth of their allies.

Premise 2: There are organizations in foreign countries (Al Qaeda, etc.) who have gained power by backing an anti-US position. Like all persons of power, their main goal in life is to hold onto their power. So, they are occasionally forced to take strong anti-US actions in order to maintain power and respect within their organization. Unfortunately, they may lack the resources, training, and coordination to pull off any really profound bits of theatre.

Enter CIA: The President uses the CIA to secretly approach foreign organization (Al Qaeda) and offers their leader (Bin Laden) a way to permanently secure the respect of their organization, as well as acquire funding to promote their goals (and buy bling.) The CIA provides outlines of weaknesses, methods of entry, and recommendations for training in addition to funds. Bin Laden provides 'true believers' who will carry out these actions for allah. The CIA also promises Bin Laden advanced intel on US maneuvers so that he can stay one step ahead of capture. (He isn't a good enemy if he is caught quickly, plus they don't want him caught because he might squeal before he's able to be silenced.)

The Theatre: With the advice and funding of the CIA, the true believers are able to obtain basic flight training and gain access to airplanes, which they hijaack and fly into various notable buildings. In a lucky stroke, some of the buildings collapse in a dramatic fashion. News agencies need no bribes to play that scene for all it's worth.

The Prestige: Reeling from shock and consumed with rage, the American public gives the President and his cronies everything they wanted and more.

In my opinion, this is a much simpler and more believable conspiracy theory than most of the ones foisted upon us by conspiracy theorists.

Thank you for attending the show,

--Anthony

"Liberty must not be purchased at the cost of Humanity." --Captain Robert Henner

RUE

Friday, January 19, 2007 3:44 AM

I have an even simpler one.

Al Qaeda, for reasons inconsequential to this discussion, wishes to cause the US serious PR harm.

After dubya's installation, the neocons are meanwhile writing the US Patriot Act, dubya is trying to figure out how to get revenge for the attempted assassination of daddy dearest, president Cheney is trying to figure out how to make Iraq a paying concern, and the Saudis are trying to figure out how to remove Iraq from the competitive oil field (so to speak).

Osama bin Laden tells a relative 'don't be in the eastern US round about this time'.

The more amenable bin Ladens tell their business partners the Bushs, word gets out and all of the sudden it’s a cluster wet-dream. Government officials stop flying on planes, all warnings about bin Laden from the previous admin go unheeded, and everyone studiously makes an effort not to know. All anyone needs to do is wait for bin Laden to play his part.

And afterwards Saudis are spirited out of the US, Bush says he ‘knows’ it’s Osama and the shit just rolls downhill.

ANTHONYT

Friday, January 19, 2007 4:10 AM

Another good one! *Claps for Rue*

Simple, believable, to the point.

--Anthony

"Liberty must not be purchased at the cost of Humanity." --Captain Robert Henner

MISSTRESSAHARA

Friday, January 19, 2007 6:42 AM

These are hilarious. Keep em coming boys.

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

FLETCH2

Friday, January 19, 2007 8:27 AM

How about this one. Even easier.

Al Queda is a pseudo independent militant organization set up by Saudi Intelligence and funded in part initially by the US to fight the Soviets in Afghanistan. After that war is over and believing themselves invincible they start sniping at US interests, in part because of continued US support for Israel and in part because of fear of the US making progress in Mid east peace talks.

In 1999 they start into a plan involving the idea of using commercial jets as terror weapons. By 2001 word gets back to their Saudi Intelligence handlers that "something big" is brewing and that this will be in the form of an attack on America. This is passed to the US officials.

Various people in the new Whitehouse team have been drawing up legislation in the event of a terrorist attack. Such an attack happed in 1993, various attempts have been brewing since then and have been averted. Law of averages say that they have to get lucky sometime. In parallel to this effort plans are made to end the Saddam regime through direct military action. It is understood that justification for such a move would be difficult but it is hoped that either he will bring it on himself by successfully shooting down an alliance jet enforcing the no fly zone or that the "intel" provided by Iraqi defectors will spur the UN to act.

Word reaches Washington via the Saudi's that a Al Q attack on US soil is imminent. After the African embassy bombings and the USS Cole the government knows it will have no dificulty selling the threat of militant Islamist terrorism at home even if the AL Q group doesn't get a chance to fully play out it's plan. The government waits, neither helping or hindering the plans in progress.

When the 9/11 attacks happen the government is genuinely surprised. It was expecting a truck bomb or an attack on a school or shopping Mall (see what they told us to watch for just after 9/11.) When the buildings actually collapse they realise that this is more than they could have hoped for --- better as a justification than Pearl Harbor. In fact it is SO good that the Iraq contingency plan is dusted off and efforts made to link it to 9/11.

ARCLIGHT

Friday, January 19, 2007 12:59 PM

Cratering to the demands of environmentalist wackos and other elements of the lunatic fringe, the Bush administration attempting to combat the effects of Man-Made Global Warming unleashes a massive hard freeze in central kalifornia. Prices of Haliburton owned stocks in citrus producing companies skyrockets. Vice President Richard Cheney, in drunken celebratory glee mistakes a passing nun for a penguin and shoots her in the face with a shotgun.

…and the band played on.

HERO

Friday, January 19, 2007 3:51 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by AnthonyT:
In my opinion, this is a much simpler and more believable conspiracy theory than most of the ones foisted upon us by conspiracy theorists.

What about the conspiracy the cover up the truth about 9/11 (that it simply was an attack by Al Queda terrorists using hyjacked airplanes) by coming up with all these conspiracy theories?

You see all the great conspiracies were winding down, folk were losing interest. So all the conspiracy folk got together to invent a new conspiracy. Originally they intended to have the great "Orchestrated Fall of the Phoney Communism Causes Global Warming at BehestCaused by Corporate Air Conditioning Interests Controlled by Jews Fronting for the Knights Templar". But the 9/11 happened so they took up the "Bush behind 9/11" banner instead.

JFK, Elvis, Aliens, they are all old news, now they have a whole bunch of books, movies, and websites.

H

CAUSAL

Friday, January 19, 2007 4:01 PM

Personally, I blame the Bush administration.

Oh, wait; we're already doing that. Well, then, carry on.

________________________________________________________________________
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I wish I had a magical wish-granting plank.

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ANTHONYT

Friday, January 19, 2007 4:16 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Hero:
Quote:
Originally posted by AnthonyT:
In my opinion, this is a much simpler and more believable conspiracy theory than most of the ones foisted upon us by conspiracy theorists.

What about the conspiracy the cover up the truth about 9/11 (that it simply was an attack by Al Queda terrorists using hyjacked airplanes) by coming up with all these conspiracy theories?

You see all the great conspiracies were winding down, folk were losing interest. So all the conspiracy folk got together to invent a new conspiracy. Originally they intended to have the great "Orchestrated Fall of the Phoney Communism Causes Global Warming at BehestCaused by Corporate Air Conditioning Interests Controlled by Jews Fronting for the Knights Templar". But the 9/11 happened so they took up the "Bush behind 9/11" banner instead.

JFK, Elvis, Aliens, they are all old news, now they have a whole bunch of books, movies, and websites.

H

How insidious of you, Hero. Are you suggesting that if there were no new conspiracy theories, then Conspiracy Theorists would become utterly unimportant, even as subjects of ridicule, or owners of 'controversial' web sites and radio stations, or even subjects of 5 minute spots on Sci-Fi channel television shows?

And that THEY have something to gain from conspiracy theories themselves?

Ho ho! Sorry, Hero, that's just TOO unbelievable! ;-)

--Anthony

"Liberty must not be purchased at the cost of Humanity." --Captain Robert Henner

ANTIMASON

Saturday, January 20, 2007 2:18 AM

Quote:
Anthony T wrote- How to Write A Conspiracy Theory

Hello,

Having recently perused some wild and wacky conspiracy theories about 9/11 on this board, I thought I'd give a lesson to conspiracy theorists about how to concoct future conspiracy theories. I believe the secret to a good conspiracy theory is that it be simple and believable. Now, conspiracy theories by nature require some level of complexity to make them appealing. but I think you'll see how this works without planting demolitions, launching missiles, remote-controlled jets, or making weird disembarkations of passengers.

i disagree with your premise, conspiracy theories are not complex for 'appeal', but out of neccessity, in order to stay concealed. a larger, more complex conspiracy defies belief, as is clearly witnessed on these boards, and so this is COUNTED ON, since most people cannot fathom how far back the mechanisms of control reach.

if youve studies secret societies at all, they use the pyramid to represent a scale of enlightenment, and as the pyramid descends(from the eye of Lucifer) towards the base, the knowledge or 'light' tapers off, signifying the less aware or un-enlightened masses. a corporation only has a few people at the top making decisions, and from there it is compartmentalized all the way down to the lowly grunt worker; the worker does not need to know anything more than his task, yet still remains a 'cog in the machine' for the people at the top. take a look at any institution or organization and youll understand that this type of heirarchial micromanagement is a constant throughout history, and was conjured up from the beginning to rule over people. all that is needed is for the men at the top of all sectors to collude for mutual benefit, to establish an idealogy, a contract, and to relay and manifest this agenda through the pyramidal structure within each corporation. so when 125 of the world elite meet at the bilderberg conference once a year(under media blackout), you can bet theyre not just 'shooting the breeze'..

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