What if the Crew of Serenity ran a McDonalds?
POSTED BY: Christinue
UPDATED: Thursday, December 7, 2006 20:22
VIEWED: 10748
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Here my take on the situation,
Wash and Zoey would work the take-out window. Simon and Book would make the hambergers and more complicated dishes while Jayne would take care of the fries. Here he could whisper "Pain is scarry" as he lowers the little tots into hot bubbling oil. Inara and Kaylee would be up front taking food orders and River would be moping the floors (Having any thoughts she pleased). Malcolm is the manager of course and he's in the back in his office wondering how a gorram piece of roof could fall off his gorram McDonalds :)
Z
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Wife soup would probably be a new combo.
All the cans in the storage room are without labels.
Theres a sign on the register that says, "We ID before selling any Milk."
Strawberries cost extra.
-e
"Storms getting worse."
"We'll pass through it soon enough."
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"Gorram it, Mal, you don't pay me to talk pretty!"
"What do you pay him for?"
"Customer Service"...
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Quote:
Originally posted by derangedmilk:
Strawberries cost extra.
Only there wouldn't be any strawberries to serve, because Kaylee would have eaten them all.
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"So long and goodnight."
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-Jayne gets paid 7%... 'cause that's standard.
"I will do this, nothing else matters except this. No moment exists except this moment. I am born in the moment and, if I fail, I die in this moment." -Majere
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Everything would come in one size... "BD" as in BD Fries, BD Soda.
All of the hamburger comes from cows processed using the River Tam method: Cattle placed in small hold of a Firefly class shuttle, yelling and throwing of books ensues. Cattle stampede and we have the meat grinder! Can also be used for processing black-market beagles.
Simon analyzes the Fry kids to find out what the Alliance did to their brains to make them so darn crazy!
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Oh...the hilarity that would ensue! Definitely would make for a brilliant "concept" episode like Buffy's "Once More With Feeling"...
Personally, I would think the following hierarchy would fit well for our BDHs:
Franchise Owner: Inara. Cuz as it's been said, how would Inara make her living if the crew ran a Mickey D's? Meeting clients in the back room? That and it would make for some great banter for Mal and Inara if she owned the restaurant and had to answer to the bigwigs at Corporate, while Mal was the manager
Manager: Mal. Like I said, Mal's gotta be "in command" at the McDonald's. Basically the same kind of duties as he does now, but with the expected twist of keeping people coming in to eat the fei hua McDonald's serves its customers. That and lots of UST and hilarious banter with Inara over profits and nutty employees
Assistant Manager: Zoe. She's Number Two and does it with flare as usual. Capable of doing any of the jobs on site if need be, but definitely best suited towards keeping Mal's ass safe and riding herd over the rest of the "crew"
Fry Cook: Wash. Just cuz he fired from his last fast food job doesn't mean he's incapable. Besides, I am sure Zoe made it worth his while to learn how to ensure he doesn't set fire to everything. That and could you imagine the schtick he would pull every time he fried the taters? Think of the "This Land" skit from the pilot with frozen fries
Janitorial and "Customer Service": Jayne. Cuz it truly would be freakin' hilarious to see Jayne try and deal with the usual bunch of crazy customers wanting to order some dumb crap they don't serve or change the order at the last minute. Oh...and the janitor part? How do ya think Jayne would get punished for going all 
on the customers
Cashier and Maintenance: Kaylee. You know she would make the perfect "perky-as-Hell" cashier who wishes you a good day after you've just ordered some crap combo on a really bad day. Plus, she would the one who keeps all the equipment running right, since the franchise outlet of McDonald's they work at is one of the older and run down ones...ya know, one of the ones that doesn't get the newest gear and furniture that you might find in a less-than affluent neighbourhood
Food Preparation: Book. Cuz if he can do wonders with moulded protein and some touches of herbs and spices, you better believe he could make the burgers actually taste worthwhile. Plus you just gotta have the wise cook who spouts advice and comfort
Trainee Cashier: Simon. Picture a bright and well-meaning college/university grad who had a great job till he had to take some less-than-desirable action against the company he worked for. Now, the only work he can find is fast food cashier positions and he ends up working for Mal and with Kaylee (who's not formally educated and actually loves her work)
Drive Through Window: River. Can't you just imagine the looks on peoples' faces when they pull up and their orders are ready to go...even before they've ordered! That and all the crazy stuff she would pull with the customers while the try to order
So...any thoughts?
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ROFL,
This is a really fun thread. Lots of things to laugh about. browncoats are pretty imaginative ppl. I'd stop in for a burger
But what of the competing Burger King next door where:
The Hands of Blue Guys are taking your food orders and they look so sanitary wearing those blue gloves. Niska prepares the food because we all know that he knows how to slice and dice. Jubel Early is at the take out-window because who's going to argue with him if their order's wrong. Badger is managing the place because he's got that cool hat and tie. And if there's a problem with your food they send out Saffron to smooth things out. I mean who could argue with such a sweet an innocent young lady?
Z
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Wow, that's about perfect.
Alliance could show up as health inspectors. 
I could stand to hear a little more.
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The Brig stole my thunder, you got it man, we must be on the same page. I just add teeny weeny bit.
Inara- would assist in the soft serve if any young man wanted a cherry on top. Kinda of a code.
Wash- fries, previous experience driven a chippy van.
Zoe- assistant manager of course, handels the cash.
Kaylee- cashier with that smile.
Jayne- cleanup on isle two.
Book- Cook everthing tastes better with rosemary.
River- Brigs got it right.
Simon- dishwasher nobody would get food poisoning
Mal- customer service.
I like smacken em.
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