What's your best joke?
POSTED BY: EvilBungle
UPDATED: Wednesday, December 6, 2006 04:14
VIEWED: 13509
PAGE 5 of 6
Pretty good thread. We should start a Browncoat Joke Book. So many jokes come to mind.
Peguins:
A truck full of peguins crashes on the way to the zoo. The police arrive and start trying to corral the birds. A passerby asks the policeman if he can help. The cop replies,"Yeah, take these peguins to the zoo." The man rounds up all the peguins and heads off for the zoo.
The next day the same policeman sees the man walking down the street trailed by the peguins. He says,"I thought I told you to take those peguins to the zoo?"
The man replies,"You did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
Nuns:
A nun enters an order where she is only allowed to utter two words to the Mother Superior once a year. After the first year of silence she says, "Bed hard"
After the second year of silence she says, "Cell cold.'
After the third year of silence she says, "Food bad."
After the fourth year silence she says,"Leaving convent."
To which the Mother Superior replies, "I'm not suprised. You've done nothing but complain since you've got here."
Drunks:
A pretty girl is struck by a car while crossing the street. The impact tears off her clothes throws her into the air. She lands on the grass median nude and unconcious (but miracuously unhurt).
A priest sees the accident and races up to the girl. He finds she is relatively unhurt. he has nothing but his hat to cover her with so he places it over her pelvis. By now a crowd has gathered and the town drunk staggers up.
The drunk looks at the scene with wide eyed confustion. Thinks for a beat and then says, "Father it's clear what we gotta do. First thing is to get that man out of there."
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Hey SIMONWHO, if I don't hear the answer to your joke I won't be losing any sleep over it... tomorrow is the last day I have access to the internet for over three months... Could you post the answer tomorrow?
And if someday on some little piss-ant moon/My hand is a little too slow, or my aim a little bit off/At least I’ll go down fighting, not lying abed surrounded by quacks - "Sir Warrick" by Geezer
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Okay, here we go. When I was working in hospital one of the doctors used to tell jokes all the time. This is a good one.
A woman is out shopping. It's her husband's birthday tomorrow and she doesn't have a present yet. She just passes a pet shop and thinks 'why not buy him a pet?'
She goes in and asks the man behind the counter: "Do you have any pet that would make a nice gift for my husband? Not too expensive?"
The man says: "Well, I got this frog for a tenner. It's kind of special too."
Woman: "Why? What does it do?"
Man: "It blows."
The woman is in a rush so she doesn't think about what that's supposed to mean and buys the frog. Her husband is delighted about the present and she is glad she bought the frog.
A couple of days later she wakes up late at night. There's noise coming from the kitchen. She opens the kitchen door and there are her husband and the frog handling pans and pots and looking into a cooking book.
"What the hell are you doing?" she asks.
"Well," says the husband. "I'm teaching my little friend here how to cook. And when he can do that too, I'm getting divorced."
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Quote:
Originally posted by RMMC:
Hey, I waited almost 20 years for Doctor Who to return, so yeah, I can wait a bit more.
Me too. We had false dawns, promises again and again, compromised returns, disappointments and just when it seemed like we really should give up on a proper return... we come back and kicked so much arse it was untrue. A lesson for us Firefly fans too.
And the answer to my joke is, of course, "I'll tell you next week."
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a nice ethnic joke.
In the 50's, the Lord Mayor of the City of Dublin, Ireland was Jewish. He came to New York City and marched in the Saint Patrick's Day parade.
So these 2 little old Jewish ladies are watching, and the first one says, " Look, Zelda, Lord Mayor from heff a meelyun Irishmens. Nize Jewish boy. "
And the second one says," isn't it wunderful, Sadie? Only in America--"
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Where do Kings keep their armies?
..................In their sleevies.
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my sister told me this one.. 15 years ago
this man wanted to prove his love for his girlfriend, so he tattooed her name (Wendy) on his penis. when he was "cold", all you could see was Wy.. when he was "hot", you would see her full name, Wendy.
This happy couple got married and went to jamaica for their honeymoon. while on a nude beach, the guy saw another man (jamaican native) with a WY on his penis.
"your wife's name is Wendy too?"
"Na man.. it says...
WELCOME TO JAMAICA HAVE A NICE DAY"
I LOVE MY CAPTAIN
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Two reavers eating a clown... one reaver says "is it me, or does this taste funny?"
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The surreal joke:
What's the difference between a duck?
One of its legs is both the same!
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Quote:
Originally posted by Auddie:
my sister told me this one.. 15 years ago
this man wanted to prove his love for his girlfriend, so he tattooed her name (Wendy) on his penis. when he was "cold", all you could see was Wy.. when he was "hot", you would see her full name, Wendy.
This happy couple got married and went to jamaica for their honeymoon. while on a nude beach, the guy saw another man (jamaican native) with a WY on his penis.
"your wife's name is Wendy too?"
"Na man.. it says...
WELCOME TO JAMAICA HAVE A NICE DAY"
I LOVE MY CAPTAIN
i know the same joke only with slight differences:
Two men are sitting in a sauna. one of them notices the tattoo on the other one's penis.
"What's that tattooed on your penis? Globaleet! What's that supposed to mean?"
"No, it actually says "Glory and pride of the baltic fleet."
i think the same joke must exist in a hundred variations.
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