random thread
POSTED BY: Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown
UPDATED: Tuesday, November 14, 2006 04:33
VIEWED: 5693
PAGE 4 of 5
(Fade up on a picture of Queen Victoria)
Voice Over: Just starting on BBC 1 now, 'Victoria Regina' the inspiring tale of the simple crofter's daughter who worked her way up to become Queen of England and Empress of the Greatest Empire television has ever seen. On BBC 2 now Episode 3 of 'George I' the new 116 part serial about the famous English King who hasn't been done yet. On ITV now the (sound of a punch) Ugh!
(Music starts. Picture of Royal crest.)
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'GEORGE I'
(The word 'Charles' below the crest has been crossed out and 'George I' written above it.)
CAPTION: 'EPISODE 3 ' THE GATHERING STORM'
(This looks very dog-cared and thumb-printed. Cut to studio set of an eighteenth-century ballroom. Some dancing is going on. A fop is talking to two ladies in the usual phony mouthing manner. They laugh meaninglessly.)
Grantley: Ah! 'Tis my lord of Buckingham. Pray welcome, Your Grace.
Buckingham: Thank you, Grantley.
Grantley: Ladies, may I introduce to you the man who prophesied that a German monarch would soon embroil this country in continental affairs.
First Lady: Oh, how so, my lord?
Buckingham: Madam, you will recall that prior to his accession our gracious sovereign George had become involved in the long standing Northern War, through his claims to Bremen and Verdun. These duchies would provide an outlet to the sea of the utmost value to Hanover. The Treaty of Westphalia has assigned them to Sweden.
Grantley: In 1648.
Buckingham: Exactly.
Grantley: Meanwhile Frederick William of Denmark, taking advantage of the absence of Charles XII, seized them; 1712.
Second Lady: Oh yes!
First Lady: It all falls into place. More wine?
Grantley: Oh, thank you.
Buckingham: However, just prior to his accession, George had made an alliance with Frederick William of Prussia, on the grounds of party feeling.
Grantley: While Frederick William had married George's only daughter.
First Lady: I remember the wedding.
Buckingham: But chiefly through concern at the concerted action against Charles XII...
(There is a crash as Moore swings through the window on a rope. Everyone gasps and screams. He lands spectacularly.)
Moore: Stand and deliver.
All: Dennis Moore!
Moore: The same. And now my lords, my ladies ... your lupins, please.
(General bewilderment and consternation.)
Buckingham: Our what?
Moore: Oh, come come, don't play games with me my Lord of Buckingham.
Buckingham: What can you mean?
Moore: (putting pistol to his head) Your life or your lupins, my lord.
(Buckingham and the rest of the gathering now produce lupins which they have secreted about their several persons. They offer them to Moore.)
Moore: In a bunch, in a bunch. (they arrange them in a bunch) Thank you my friends, and now a good evening to you all.
(He grabs the rope, is hauled into air and disappears out of the window. There is a bump, a whinny and the sound of galloping hooves. The guests rush to the window to watch him disappear.)
Grantley: He seeks them here ... he seeks them there ... he seeks those lupins everywhere. The murdering blackguard! He's taken all our lupins.
First Lady: (produring one from her garter) Not quite.
(Gasps of delight.)
Buckingham: Oh you tricked him!
Man: We still have one! (they all cheer)
(Cut to a similar montage as before of Moore galloping through forest, clearings and tiny villages. Song as follows.)
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Riding through the night.
Soon every lupin in the land
Will be in his mighty hand
He steals them from the rich
And gives them to the poor
Mr Moore, Mr Moore, Mr Moore.
(Towards the end of this he arrives at the same peasant's cottage as before, dismounts and runs to the cottage door. He pauses. From inside the cottage we hear quiet moaning. Cut to inside the cottage. In this rude hut, lit by a single candle, the female peasant lies apparently dying on a bunk. Lupins are everywhere, in the fire, on the bed, a large pile of them forms
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(Cut to stock film of people queuing at an exhibition hall.)
Voice Over: Well it may be the end of that, but it's certainly far from the end of- well in fact it's the beginning - well not quite the beginning - well certainly nearer the beginning than the end - well yes damn it, it is to all interns and purposes the beginning of this year's Ideal Loon Exhibition, sponsored by the 'Daily Express'. (cut to interior of hall, people pouring through the doors; above their head~ it says 'ideal Loon Exhibition) Numbskulls and boobies from all over the country have been arriving to go through their strange paces before a large paying crowd. This is the fifteenth Ideal Loon Exhibition and we took a good look round after it was opened by its patron ... (quick flash Edward Heath opening something) There's Kevin Bruce the digger duffer from down-under, who's ranked fourteenth in the world's silly positions league... (Kevin is in a roped-off exhibition area; with a number in front of him; people are walking past looking at him with programmes; he is dressed in Australian bush gear and he is leaning his forehead against a goldfish bowl on a four-foot-six plinth) This kind of incoherent behaviour is really beginning to catch on down-under. There's Norman Kirby from New Zealand, whose speciality is standing behind a screen with a lady with no clothes on ... (again in an exhibition stand with a number in front; there is a screen which is higher than their heads, but it is cut off at knee height so you can see two pairs of legs, one female, totally bare, one male wearing some enormous boots, no socks) In real life, Norman is a gynaecologist, but this is his lunch hour. And from France there's a superb exhibition of rather silly behaviour by the Friends of the Free French Osteopaths. (on the stand five men dressed in Breton berets, striped French shim, silly moustaches, with baguettes; in unison they make the silly sign, counting the while 'un, deux, trois) They do this over four hundred times a day. Nobody knows why. But for sheer poindess behaviour you've got to admire Brian Broomers, the batfling British boy who for two weeks has been suspended over a tin of condemned veal. (quite a crowd watch this; again a roped-off exhibit, Brian is suspended from the ceiling by two car tyres; he lies there smoking a pipe; underneath him there is a small opened tin, with 'veal' on the side) Always popular with the crowd, is the Scotsman with Nae Trews exhibit, and this year's no exception. (a very large man dressed as a Scotsman in front of a sign saying 'Scotsman with Nae Trews Exhibit, Sponsored by Natural Gas'; an enormously long line of middle-aged pepperpots stand waiting in a queue; each in turn lifts up a comer of Scotsman's kilt, has a tiny peek and walks off) Sponsored by Natural Gas and Glasgow City Council, this exhibit is entirely supported by voluntary contributions. But for a truly magnificent waste of time you've got to go no further than the exhibit from Italy - Italian priests in custard, discussing vital matters of the day. (four Italian priests standing up to their chests in a large vat of custard; in front of them it sqs 'Italian Priests in custard'; they are animatedly discussing vital matters; hung behind them is a sign saying 'Italy, Land of Custard) These lads from a seminary near Cremona, have been practising for well over a year. As always one of the great attractions of this fourteen-day exhibition is the display of counter-marching given by the Massed Pipes and Toilet Requisites of the Colwyn Bay Massed Pipes and Toilet Requisites Club. (a dozen people in blazers, flannels and white pumps are vigorously counter-marching, whilst Souza's Star Spangled Banner blares out; they are holding various items of plumbing, lengths of piping, a toilet, a bidet, a bath, back scrubbers, loofahs, shower attachments, hand basins, etc.) An interesting point about these boys is they all have one thing in common. Hip injuries. Not far away the crowds are flocking to see a member of the famous Royal Canadian Mounted Geese. (cut to pantomime g
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(Cut to close up of a man's face.)
McGough: Yet fear, not like an aged florin, can so disseminate men's eyes, that fortune, straining at a kissing touch may stop her ceaseless search to sport amidst the rampant thrust of time, and bring the thing undone to pass by that with which the cock may chance an arm.
(Cut to a wider shot to show that he is in an off-licence. Mr Bones is behind the counter.)
Mr Bones: Well that's all very well, sir, but this is an off-licence.
McGough: Oh. Just a bottle of sherry then, please.
Mr Bones: Certainly... Amontillado?
McGough: Yes, I think Amonfillado, finely grown ... well chosen from the casque of Pluto's hills, cell'd deep within the vinous soil of Spain, wrench'd thence from fiery regions of the sun...
Mr Bones: Yes, yes sir. Just one bottle?
McGough: Just one bottle. Just one jot. Just one tittle. That's the lot.
Mr Bones: There we are, sir. That'll be a pound, please.
McGough: A pound a pound and all around abound A pound found, found Lost lost the cost till was't embossed...
Mr Bones: Excuse me, sir.
McGough: Yes, good victualler, nature's trencherman, mine honest tapster...
Mr Bones: I was just wondering. Are you a poet?
McGough: No, no, I'm a solicitor... well versed within the written law of man, can m those who need...
Mr Bones: Oh' shut up.
McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry.
Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories.
McGough: Really? When?
Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time ... there' lived in Wiltshire a young Chap called Dennis Moore. Now Dennis was a highwayman by profession ... (we ripple through to Dennis Moore riding along with a big bag of swag) ... and for several months he had been stealing from the rich to give to the poor. One day...
(Mix through to a shot of Dennis Moore arriving with another bag of goodies. The peasants who greet him are by now very smartly dressed and the cottage has been refurbished.)
Moore: Here we are again, Mr Jenkins. (Dennis leaves the bag and wheels his horse around) There we are... I'll be back. (he rides off again purposefuly)
(Cut to ballroom, in fact it is the same one featured in 'Dennis Moore Rides Again'. The walls are bare and the people are down to their undergarments. They sit around the table gnawing pieces of bread and dipping them in a watery soup. The central bowl of soup contains a lupin.)
Buckingham: Meanwhile Frederick William bushy engaged in defending against the three great powers the province of Silesia...
Grantley: ... which he had seized in the War of the Austrian succession against his word.
First Lady: Yes, I remember.
Man: ... was now dependent on Pitt's subsidies.
(Moore swings in through the window. They all respond to him with listless moans of disappointment.)
Moore: My lords, my ladies, on your feet, please. (he is ignored and therefore says commandingly) I must ask you to do exactly as I say or I shall be forced to shoot you fight between the eyes. (they stand up hurriedly) Well not right between the eyes, I mean when I say between the eyes, obviously I don't have to be that accurate, I mean, if I hit you in that son of area, like that, obviously, that's all right for me, I mean, I don't have to try and son of hit a point bisecting a line drawn between your pupils or anything like that. I mean, from my point of view, it's perfectly satisfactory...
First Lady: What do you want? Why are you here?
Moore: Why are any of us here? I mean, when you get down to it, it's all so meaningless, isn't it, I mean what do any of us want...
Buckingham: No, no, what do you want now?
Moore: Oh I see, oh just the usual things, a little place of my own, the fight girl...
Grantley: No, no, no! What do you want from us?
Moore: Oh sorry. Urn, your gold, your silver, your jewellery.
Buckingham: You've taken it all.
First Lady: This is all we've got left.
Moore: That's nice. I'll have them. Come on. (he takes all the spoons)
Buckingha
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Knitter of Cunning Jayne Hats
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Awww I thought it was funny 
Knitter of Cunning Jayne Hats
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King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa
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Penguin...this is for you
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2
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King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa
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And for Halloween/Samhain
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sabri3l:
HAHA!! That one had me giggling Sabri3l!
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Love keeps her in the air when she outta fall down, tells you she's hurting before she keels. Makes her a home.
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