Male and Female Imponderables--The way of the wise
POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Tuesday, August 8, 2006 13:04
VIEWED: 19130
PAGE 5 of 13
Can I just say that you are probably right about her being lonely and trying to fill her need to be close to someone by confusing sex with emotional closeness. Having said that you absolutely did the honourable thing and I love you all the more for it!
The fact that you seemed to start to connect and that led you to consider a more sober and appropriate opportunity to get to know one another says a whole lot about you! What an awesome guy you are! The fact that 2 seconds later she was off with someone else says how determined she was to have sex, which shows little self-esteem, and little self-control, and potentially (since you say she just spoke with some of her friends just before disappearing into the gloom with 'something-in-trousers') very easily influenced by peer-group pressure to follow through on her initial intention, I think you were well out of it. Her friends at this stage should have acted as friends and taken her home and looked after her best interests... not you!
I have made the mistake (way back in my bohemian-drama-student-who-had-a great-body-days... as I remember it) of having a one-night-stand. I say mistake because although I believe in embracing your experiences and learning from them, it is not something I have ever been tempted to repeat as it left me more frustrated and lacking in self-esteem than I could ever have imagined... and I had, at least, met the guy before and spent the entire evening with him before going back to his place.
It is insane that there are so many awesome guys like you looking for wonderful women, and vice versa - believe me... my friends and I would all be thrilled to meet someone like youself in the right time, geographic location, chronological experience and emotional circumstances (I suspect you're another of the way too young for me brigade...
) - but that is the way it is when you really know yourself, who you are and what you want from life and love! When you do find that you have someone in your life you will know it was worth the wait! (or so they tell me!)
(Hmmmm... was that a ramble or a rant?
)
What I want to say is DO NOT regret your actions. You are both honourable and romantic and there are no end of lovely, genuine women who will LOVE that - don't waste your experiences on the 'desperate and dateless'. Getting involved with someone that needy and insecure would probably have led to something messy, heartbreaking and difficult to walk away from for a genuine guy like yourself! 
All power to you Oddbodkins!! 
Much love from the other side of the world - 'New Melbourne' - Magdalena x x x
P.S. If you ever start reading my posts on 'BDH fantasy's which I (embarassingly) share from time to time, you'll know that being clinically sexually frustrated is not limited to good looking men like yoursef! It's much better to be that (CSF) than a drunken slut or the person who takes advantage of one though! Mwaaah - Magda x x"I love my Captain!"
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Magdalena states my opinion better than I do sometimes
**********************************
**********************************
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
OK - spookiness again!! I just said that to someone about your post the other day. We were discussing my latest fascination with Mary Magdalene and I mentioned your wonderful sense of empowerment and how you'd explained the 'godess' element of Mary's pull on my life far better than I could have!!
I really love posting when you're around too!!
Mwaaah - Magda x x x"I love my Captain!"
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Quote:
Originally posted by magdalena:
OK - spookiness again!! I just said that to someone about your post the other day. We were discussing my latest fascination with Mary Magdalene and I mentioned your wonderful sense of empowerment and how you'd explained the 'godess' element of Mary's pull on my life far better than I could have!!
Awwwwww, shiny! 
**********************************
**********************************
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Well, odds, I'd say you did the right thing, you dont deserve to get involved in something like that, and it's good of you to avoid the temptation for the seconds she gave ya before changing targets. Crazy.
Ok, it's late at night, and I'm gonna tell you all a story, cause like odds said, i'm feeling selfish.
Me and parties. Now that i've found folk I like to spend time with, and I get the impression they like having me around (not to mention people i've never met giving me the benefit of the doubt and liking me even though i've never met them), I really really enjoy parties. And then I leave, and I have this, the post-party slump. Maybe it was just this party which consisted of two couples (of ladies i love dearly and gents almost as much) to third wheel on, and some other lady folk i know who... urgh, they make me laugh, they're so wonderful, but they always seem awkward to me, and then some folk i just met. And dangit, I love them all, (screw not know what love is n all that jazz) it just makes me happy to spend time with them all, and it's so great, then I leave, and everything sorta sucks after. Urgh.
So, on the love them all thing, hey I just read Siddhartha, i'm in that mode, but still, they all dont mind me being there, and we get along, and it's great, and yet I either feel empty after or just get ahead and feel empty during. I hate being a teen.
But there's some love, though I'd call it unrequited, love is good.
And Rose, Magdalena, you guys.... well, , you guys are so cool.
This has been a late night rambling (TM), disregard at your own disgression.
"But, these strong women characters?"
"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Oddsbodskins:
Phoenixrose and Magdalena are right on the money.
There was a reason that night ended that way.
Because inside you knew the right thing to do and did it. You may have doubts but your actions and your instincts were correct. You let her go and that was the correct thing to do.
A won't judge if she was a slut or not.
But drunk is drunk. And she was not running on all cylinders.
A friend of mine picked up a drunk woman in a bar and before he got her home she passed out.
He had to search her purse to find out where she lived and had to carry to her door.
Not fun.
Even if the woman you met made it through the night she probably would have woke up the next day and asked "Who the hell are you?"
So your instincts took you in the right direction. You just didn't wonder off by chance.
You were doing the proper thing.
And to continue this thread I'll just repeat myself and say love is worth it. Breaking up hurts. But that is because the real thing is so good.
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Quote:
Originally posted in part by Whitefall:
And Rose, Magdalena, you guys.... well,
Awww... Thank you Whitefall! The feeling is mutual!
I love this community! You guys are all like family to me and who can you turn to if not your family! Never appologise for sharing and asking for opinions and support! 
I actually know what you mean as I can get that "I was looking forward to this night, the fun, the belonging, the potential to meet new people... and now I'm home, alone... again...*sigh*... maybe a little tipsy, maybe not... But, anyway.... alone"
It's not just the alone factor - it's the sense that everyone else seems to fall into relationships easily, but there doesn't seem to be anyone in the 'verse that I'm even remotely interested in who hasn't either a)already been taken (and once I see a ring on that finger I don't go anywhere near there!!) b)already turned me down when I asked them out on a date, c) moving to a 3rd world country to devote himself to orphans (yes - this actually happened!) or d) gay or way too young or way too old, or way too desperate or in a coma...
(OK I haven't fallen for anyone in a coma lately... but you get the bleakness idea!) Not that I'm saying things are this desperate for you at all - just that it is not odd. We look forward to the weekend and it's ensuing parties all week and suddenly they're over - and you are not any further along in your life or even in your dreams than you secretly, deep, deep down hoped you might be and there's that Monday morning again and the promise of 5 more days of work, routine, meetings and non-social commitments to be met...
I worked in the theatre for most of my first 28 years of life, and I often felt a sense of grief after a play ended. We met, rehearsed, drank wine, had parties, performed, got changed in communal dressing rooms, met one another's significant others... basicly got as close as one platonically can in the space of a few weeks - then nada... zip... nothing.
We'd all absorb ourselves with the next audition, rehearsal, production social scene and not have time to keep in touch until the next time we worked together. It took me a long time to get used to this and get my head around the roller-coaster! What I'm saying is - I understand, and it's not unusual - you are certainly not alone in this sensation. There are millions of people going home from parties each night and feeling something similar! You only need to worry if you are going home with a SO and still feeling let down...
Now that would be much worse!!
"I love my Captain!"
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
hehe, thanks for the words bodies, s'nice to know i was being all of the above, whether i knew it myself or not 
Aye, got to agree with magdalena whitefall, the let-down you feel after parties and weekends is perfectly natural, because all your secret hopes'n'dreams concerning them and what may/may not happen haven't come to pass. It's something you come to terms with and get used to, and given a few years it even stops bothering you (see me? still young, not so bothered on that score these days, it comes to pass ^^ ) well, okay maybe in my case that's just dour acceptance that it's not worth worrying over, so maybe better just play life by ear and take parties for what they are, good time to have a laugh with your mates (get wretchedly drunk, make a great many wildly innapropriate jokes, insult the bouncer by accident and find yourself looking for another club/water and a kebab at four in the morning, not that i'd know about any of that, being the honest, upstanding wholesome guy i am) but yeah, that stops stinging in fairly short order, and all is well in the 'verse again ^^
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Hey all, I just got back from sleeping at my friends after the last ever Munkyfest, and I am so tired, but it was awesome!! I just wrote about it in my log, so go check it out. I missed out the bad bits though.
Rugbug: I was on cafepress! I decided on the Curse.. one and the herring one, as I figured out that due to exchange rates at the moment, they only costed £10 each, so I was like what the hell! I would have come back on, but I am beginning to think that the stars and plants have to be perfectly aligned for me to get on this darned site!
Names: I like mine fine, and I don't have a middle name, but if i could pick one, I would choose Lena, after my Italian Grandmother, I love that name. People always try to call me Katie, no matter how many times I tell them: ITS KATE!!!, and I hate that. There was a girl in primary school called Katie who was always nasty to me, so, its not good.
Whitefall, what is your first name? because I keep wanting to call you Steve.
Hamsters. I hate hamsters, they are so creepy, and a hamster bit me once. I have had baaad experiences with hamsters. I kind of accindentally killed a friends hamster when I was 7, and she never found out it was my fault, so, lets not go there!
I tells ya, lack of love is what sucks. twas good last night thou, the guy, Matt, I worte about in by log was flirting with me, which was nice because even if he was 20, he was really sweet and funny. Also, I was waiting for my friend to come out of the portaloo, and this guy, must have been about 25, 26 came up to me, all smooth, and goes: soo, how old are you then?
Me: 16 (Thats a lie, not for another 2 months)
Guy: *look of shock and embarrassment* No way!
and beats a hasty retreat. that was funny.
Odds: you did the right thing and acted like the perfect gentlemen. Honourable is good. Like (was it PR or Magdalena?) said, clearly all she wanted was to get into someones pants, and if you ask me, then that is most definatley slutty.
***************
Don't you lock up something that you wanted to see fly, hands are for shaking no not tying. Soundgarden
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Hi 'Smart Blonde'
Welcome home - I'm just checking in before I go to bed cox I start work in a few hours and I'm already sleep deprived
Sounds like the fest you went to was well worth it... I LOL when you said that the guy beat a hasty retreat at the '16' thing!! 
Enjoy your posting! 'night - Magda x x x"I love my Captain!"
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME