Favourite Jokes

POSTED BY: PonyXpressInc
UPDATED: Monday, July 24, 2006 20:31
VIEWED: 6768
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PONYXPRESSINC

Friday, July 21, 2006 8:31 PM

It’s Friday Night and I ain’t going nowhere and I’m bored and I could do with a laugh so…

What’s your favourite joke?

Here’s mine, old I admit, you may well have heard it but here goes…

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One day the Angel of the Lord was taking a stroll through a heavenly ornamental garden, just contemplating divinity and all that when he noticed two statues.

One was male, one was female. They were placed opposite each other either side of a gravel path. They were Grecian in style, not much clothing just some gauzy draperies hiding the essentials. They were placed so that they were looking directly into each others eyes.

The Angel of the Lord looks from one to the other, gets a naughty grin on his face and clicks his fingers.

Both statues come to life, get off their plinths, look around them in wonder, look coyly at each other, and then look expectantly at the Angel of the Lord.

He says to them, “Here’s the deal. I have brought you to life for half an hour only, thirty minutes, that’s it. But in that thirty minutes you can do anything you like. I mean anything!”

The male statue looks at the female statue and waggles his eyebrows suggestively. The female statue giggles.

The male statue nods in the direction of a bush and says “shall we?” The female statue says “Oh yes!”

So they disappear into the bush and there’s lots of giggling and scuffling and after fifteen minutes they come out with their draperies all disarranged and their faces all flushed and happy.

The Angel of the Lord looks at his watch and says, “You still have fifteen minutes, why don’t you do it again?”

The male statue looks at the female statue and grins, “Do you want to?” The female statue bats her eyelashes at him and replies, “Yes please, but this time you hold down the pigeon and I’ll sh*t on it.

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Well I like it…

Regards

Pony

SERYN

Friday, July 21, 2006 9:38 PM

oh that was a good one!

ok, not a very good joke, but the only one i can remember -

God looks down one day, and spots a guy walking around that he takes a liking to - so he talks to him, and offers to grant him one wish.

"ok then" says the guy, "well, i have a house in Maui, i'd love a bridge that went from here to Maui."

"ooookay.." says god, "i'm going to give you twenty four hours to think about that one".

A day later he returns, and askes the guy if he still has the same wish.
"actually, I have a different wish, I'd like to be able to understand women".

God looks at him for a few minutes, then replies "so, would you like that bridge two lane or four?".

Another one with a religious bent. wierd.

Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

SIMONWHO

Friday, July 21, 2006 9:42 PM

My favourite joke of the moment:

Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking and then through the floor and into the Earth. He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him.

They're not that close.

PONYXPRESSINC

Friday, July 21, 2006 9:43 PM

Hi Seryn,

*sniggers*

I like that, I like it very much.

Thanks

SERYN

Friday, July 21, 2006 9:45 PM

thank you pony!

Simon... eh? sorry, forgive me for being dense.

Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Friday, July 21, 2006 10:01 PM

here's one of mine:

A man walks into a bar and orders 2 beers so the barkeep brings him the drinks and the man takes 1 sip from one then 1 sip from the other.This continued for a few weeks until the barkeep said "I have to know, why do you order 2 then take 1 sip from 1 and 1 from the other?" the man replied "This is something my brother and I do, I go to a bar and order 1 drink for myself and 1 for my brother then drink both, and this way we can kind of stay in touch." "Cool." the bar keep replies and so this goes on for a while until the man come in and only orders 1 beer the barkeep says "oh, man, I'm sorry for your loss." and the man replies "What? My wife made me quit drinking."

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

MISSTRESSAHARA

Saturday, July 22, 2006 12:34 AM

I'm missing something Simonwho, I don't get it.

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

PHOENIXROSE

Saturday, July 22, 2006 10:07 AM

A man goes into a bar and sees a tiny piano sitting there on the counter. He asks the bartender what it's for, and the bartender rings a bell. A tiny man, not more than a foot tall, comes running out to the piano, sits down, and plays a beautiful song. The man watches in wonder, and asks the bartender where he got this marvel.
"Oh, I have a magic lamp," the bartender responds, pulling it out. "You hold this in your hands and make a wish. You can try it out if you like."
"Really?" The man goggles at him, reaching out for the lamp. "Well, ok. I wish I had a million bucks."
Suddenly the room is full of flying feathers and quacking chaos. There are ducks everywhere, flying around the bar and sitting on every surface.
"What is this?" The man yells. "I didn't want a million ducks!"
The bartender looks at him. "Yeah, well, I didn't wish for a twelve-inch pianist."

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PONYXPRESSINC

Saturday, July 22, 2006 1:15 PM

Big Chuckles...

Thanks, boredom is slowly dissipating.

P

REDLAVA

Saturday, July 22, 2006 3:05 PM

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $100 if you let me have you....but the girl said NO. Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...... She said "The son of bitch used coins."

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