Penis Pump Trial

POSTED BY: Hero
UPDATED: Saturday, July 1, 2006 15:49
VIEWED: 2660
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HERO

Friday, June 30, 2006 2:03 AM

Just to show that not every thread we have has to revolve around politics, I was reading Drudge and came across a trial involving a judge caught using a penis pump in court. For the record, as a Prosecutor and all, I have never taken a close look at whats happening under the black robe. While I normally reserve my opinion till a verdict is reached, the following court trial transcript is pretty bad:

Quote:

Prosecutor: One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.

Defendant: That's not mine.

Prosecutor:(reading)One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, signed
Judge A.D. Powers.

Defedant:I'm telling you, baby, that's not
mine.

Prosecutor:(reading)One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by
Judge A.D. Powers.

Defendant:I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.

Prosecutor:(reading) One book: Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby, by Judge A.D. Powers.

Defendant:OK, OK man, don't get heavy...

Now thats a good prosecutor.

H

PDCHARLES

Friday, June 30, 2006 2:11 AM

All Rise...

CITIZEN

Friday, June 30, 2006 2:13 AM

A monkey could prosecute that case.
If you think that guys a good prosecutor maybe that's why you always win, pick the unloseable cases?

More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
And as you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say.

WASHBURNEFAN

Friday, June 30, 2006 4:09 AM

Gives new meaning to "Justice is Blind".

Hahaha! Mine is an evil laugh... Now die!

CANTTAKESKY

Friday, June 30, 2006 5:03 AM

I didn't find that transcript on Drudge. Where did you get that gag, or did you read the real transcript and decide to satirize it?

Anyway, your post doesn't make it clear that the transcript is a joke, taken from a scene in the first Austin Powers movie. I just wanted to clarify, in case someone hasn't seen the movie and thinks it's a real transcript.

According to the news stories that WERE on Drudge, the judge (named Thompson) doesn't deny the pump, just says he brought it in as a joke. He definitely needs a better defense lawyer. Now he's registered as a sex offender. Yikes. What do they do to judges in prison?

Can't Take My Gorram Sky

SOUPCATCHER

Friday, June 30, 2006 6:15 AM

It's going to be hard (heh) to top pdcharles' one-liner.

One thought I had, though. How is this different from a judge using a hand strengthener or curling barbells? Admittedly, either of those would look all manner of funny, but isn't he just working out while sitting on the bench?

Just playing devils advocate.

I guess I don't have a good understanding of the effects of using a penis pump. Is it pleasurable? Or is it, "Ho hum. Just turning my penis into a spaghetti noodle. Nothing to see here." I mean is it different than using one of those pocket pleasure models that look like a vibrating sleeve?

And I've spent way too much thought on this. .

WASHBURNEFAN

Friday, June 30, 2006 7:10 AM

Technically a penis pump is supposed to stretch out the cells of the genitalia just enough so new ones grow to keep stretching without pain. The vaccum placed on it would also have a significant amount of blood rush into the sponge-like tissue of the penis, so it becomes (I would guess) larger for a certain amount of time.

A pump placed on the hands or nose would achieve the same effect.

Please do not ask me how I know this, my aunt is a doctor, that's all I can tell you.

Hahaha! Mine is an evil laugh... Now die!

PIRATENEWS

Friday, June 30, 2006 9:32 AM

Judge Dread

Austin Powers, Man of Action. Judge Donald Thompson is also alleged to be a Man of Action. Fact truly is stranger than fiction. Or Judge Thompson watched too much Austin Powers. He'll need a good Devil's Advocate. Beyond the jokes, the women court reporters were scared the judge was a homicidal mobster who would "make them disappear", literally, if they narced on their boss hog. It was only after the judge upheld the US Constitution that deputies decided to "blow their whistles".

Quote:

"My god! A judge was arrested for using a peterpump on himself in court?! During a murder trial?! It doesn't surprise me."
-My cousin, the state appellate court judge, Xmas dinner

Yeah, this case is a prosecutor's wet dream, so to speak. My cousin freaked out when I posted her name with that quote, which is the funniest lawyer joke I've heard yet. For God's sake, whatever you do, don't do a google search for biographies of Tennessee Court of Appeals.

Court TV has an entire section dedicated to this trial. I first saw it on CNN TV, and on their website.
www.courttv.com/trials/thompson/062106_ctv.html
www.courttv.com/trials/thompson_donald/092305_background_ctv.html

Affidavit of Probable Cause for Issuance of Felony Arrest Warrant:
www.courttv.com/trials/thompson_donald/docs/probablecause.html

Quote:

"Oklahoma's attorney general wants a state judge removed on suspicion he frequently masturbated and used a device for enhancing erections while his court was in session, a spokesman for the office said Thursday. Attorney General Drew Edmondson filed a petition Wednesday with state judicial authorities seeking the removal of Sapulpa District Judge Donald Thompson, 57, for 'conduct constituting an offense involving moral turpitude in violation of the Oklahoma Constitution,' Edmondson's spokesman said Thursday. The judge flatly denies the charges made in the petition, his lawyer, Clark Brewster, said Thursday. He said the judge received a penis pump for his 50th birthday as a gag gift, which became a source of a running joke in the courthouse. 'The allegations are bizarre and preposterous,' Brewster said. "Recently, some members of local law enforcement that are upset with a number of his rulings, used this situation to embarrass and attack him.' In the petition, the attorney general charged Thompson used a penis pump, a device billed as providing sexual pleasure and promising better erections and larger penis size, during trials and exposed himself to a court reporter several times while masturbating on the bench. 'On one occasion, Ms. (Lisa) Foster (Thompson's court reporter for 15 years), saw Judge Thompson holding his penis up and shaving underneath it with a disposable razor while on the bench,' the petition reads. Several witnesses, including jurors in Thompson's court and police officers called to testify in trials, said in the petition they heard the 'swooshing' sound of a penis pump during trials and saw the judge slumped in his chair, with his elbows on his knees, working the device. The witnesses said the pump sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up. According to the petition, Thompson admitted he had a penis pump under the bench during a murder trial but he told investigators it was a gag gift from a friend."
—CNN TV News, CNN.com, Reuters, "Judge suspected of masturbating in court," June 24, 2004
www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/06/24/odd.judge.reut/index.html

"Oklahoma - Everyone always asks, 'What's under that Judges Robe? What exactly is he wearing?' Most of the time, no one really wants to know. But if you can hear it, chances are, you don't want to see it. District Judge Donald D. Thompson violated the code of judicial conduct 'by his repeated use of a device known as a penis pump during non-jury and jury trials in his courtroom and in the presence of court employees while serving in his capacity as a district judge,' Oklahoma Attorney General Drew Edmondson wrote in a petition filed Wednesday with the Court of the Judiciary. The sound of Thompson using the pump was hea

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HERO

Friday, June 30, 2006 1:35 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by canttakesky:
I didn't find that transcript on Drudge. Where did you get that gag, or did you read the real transcript and decide to satirize it?

Anyway, your post doesn't make it clear that the transcript is a joke, taken from a scene in the first Austin Powers movie. I just wanted to clarify, in case someone hasn't seen the movie and thinks it's a real transcript.

What movie? I made that all up myself. Well, my identical midget cloan helped...right Mini-Hero?

H

HERO

Friday, June 30, 2006 1:38 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by washburnefan:
A pump placed on the hands or nose would achieve the same effect.

Not exactly the same effect. I mean...it would be different. PirateNews would know. Ask him...he also knows how to unclog a vaccum cleaner.

H

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