MORE monty python!

POSTED BY: Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown
UPDATED: Wednesday, July 5, 2006 03:46
VIEWED: 9058
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GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Thursday, June 29, 2006 8:50 AM

I know I put this up before but I love it

(Cut to a critic. Superimposed caption: 'GAVIN MILLARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR')

Art Critic: Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world. The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our oesophagus, the guard's van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? It's over there in a box. Shunt is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is the same only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew his sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

ARABIKUM

Thursday, June 29, 2006 10:03 AM

http://orangecow.org/pythonet/sketches/index.htm#B

Here´s my favourite sketch (just imagine the Pythons all dressed up in Superman costumes!!):

Voiceover: This man is no ordinary man. This is Mr. H G Superman. To all appearances, he looks like any other law-abiding citizen. But Mr F G Superman has a secret identity. When trouble strikes at any time, at any place, he is ready to become... BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!

Superboy: Hey, there's a bicycle broken, up the road.

Superman One: If only Bicycle Repair Man were here!

Superboy: Yes, wait, I think I know where I can find him. Look over there!

Caption: FLASH!

All Supermen: Bicycle Repair Man, but how?

Superman One: Oh look... is it a stockbroker?

Superman Two: Is it a quantity Surveyor?

Superman Three: Is it a church warden?

All Supermen: NO! It's Bicycle Repair Man!

Superman: MY! Bicycle Repair Man! Thank goodness you've come! Look!

Caption: Clink! Screw! Bend! Inflate! Alter Saddle!

Superman Two: Why, he's mending it with his own hands!

Superman One: See how he uses a spanner to tighten that nut!

Superman: Oh, Oh Bicycle Repair Man, how can I ever repay you?

Bicycle Repair Man: Oh, you don't need to guv. It's all in a days work for... Bicycle Repair Man!

All Supermen: Our Hero!

Voiceover: Yes! whenever bicycles are broken, or menaced by international communism, Bicycle Repair Man is ready!

A.

Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.

Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?

Ted Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

WHOOPS

Thursday, June 29, 2006 1:21 PM

Blackmail skectch

Music up-- wild applause and cheers from the audience)
Announcer:
Hello! Hello! Hello! Thank you,thank you. Hello good evening and welcome, to BLACKMAIL! Yes, it's another edition of the game in which you can play with *yourself*. (applause) And to start tonight's show, let's see our first contestant, all the way from Manchester, on the big screen please: MRS. BETTY TEAL! (applause, which suddenly stops when the clap track tape breaks) 'Ello, Mrs. Teal, lovely to have you on the show. Now Mrs. Teal, if you're looking in tonight, this is for 15 pounds: and is to stop us from revealing the name of your LOVER IN BOULTON!! So, Mrs. Teal, send us 15 pounds, by return of post please, and your husband Trevor, and your lovely children Diane, Janice, and Juliet, need never know the name... of your LOVER IN BOULTON!
(applause; organ music)
Thank you Onan! And now: a letter, a hotel registration book, and a series of photographs, which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and possible criminal proceedings for a company director in Bromsgrove. He's a freemason, and a conservative M.P., so that's 3,000 pounds please Mr. S... thank you... to stop us from revealing: Your name The name of the three other people involved,
The youth organization to which they belonged, and The shop where you bought the equipment!
(organ music)
But right now, yes everyone is the moment you've all been waiting for; it's time for our Stop the Film spots! As you know, the rules are very simple. We have taken a film which contains compromising scenes and unpleasant details which could wreck a man's career. (gasp) But, the victim may 'phone me at any moment, and stop the film. But remember the money increases as the film goes on, so,.... the longer you leave it, the more you have to pay! Tonight,
Stop the Film visits the little Thames-side village of Thames Ditton.
(music--announcer's voice over)
Well, here we go, here we go now, let's see...where's our man. Oh yes, there he is behind the tree now.... Mm, boy, this is fun, this is good fun.... He looks respectable, so we should be in for some real...real shucks here.... A member of the government, could be a brain surgeon, they're the worst.... wHOW! Look at the *size* of that... briefcase. Aah, yes, he's, he's up to the door, rung the doorbell now.... O-oh, who's the little number with the nightie and the whip, eh? Heh-heh. Doesn't look like his mother.... could be his sister.... If it is he's in real trouble.... And just look at that, they're upstairs already... whoah, boy, this is fun! A very brave man, our contestant tonight. Who-ho-ho!! This is no Tupperware party! Very brave man, they don't usually get this far... What's--what's that, what's she's doing to his.....is that a CHICKEN up there? No, no, it's just the way she's holding the grapefruit... Whoah, ho no... ('Phone rings; buzzer goes off. Applause) (picking up 'phone)
Hello sir...yes...aha-ha-ha...yes, just in time, sir, that was...what? No, no, sir, it's alright, we don't morally censor, we just want the money. Thank you sir, yes,... what? You...okay....Thank you for playing the game, sir, very nice indeed, okay....okay, see you tonight, Dad, bye bye.
Well, that's all from this edition of Blackmail. Join me next week, same time, same channel....Join me, two dogs, and a vicar, when we'll be playing "Pedorasto", the game for all the family. Thank you, thank you, thank you.... *

Sorry about it being long just so funny this skectch.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Love. You can do all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air you
don't love, she'll shake you off sure as a turnin' of worlds. Love keeps her in
the air when she oughtta fall down. Tells you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens.
Makes her a home." Mal

ROCKETJOCK

Thursday, June 29, 2006 2:28 PM

It's only spelled "Luxury Yacht"; it's pronounced "Throatwarbler Mangrove".

Okay, now a true story; in the early 1980's I was in the U.S. Navy. My ship was changing homeports, so I was "Manning the rails", standing at parade rest in my summer white cracker jacks. As we pull into the harbor, I notice a nice two-deck cabin cruiser. On her bow is the name "Throatwarbler Mangrove."

Wait, it gets better. I tried to place the name, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Then, about three or five minutes later, the dime drops, and I start giggling uncontrolably, a distinct no-no during a naval ceremony.

It wasn't just the the Python reference that did it; it was the fact that if the boat's name was spelled "Throatwarbler Mangrove" , then it must be pronounced "Luxury Yacht"!

"Hermanos! The Devil has built a Robot! Andale!" -- Numero Cinco

TRISTAN

Thursday, June 29, 2006 2:35 PM

Anyone familiar with the "Anne Elk" sketch?

______________________________________

HAZE

Thursday, June 29, 2006 3:31 PM

"My lovely horse running through the field" woops! Thats Father Ted.

Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, which goes 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the' (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeker) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mannering (hoot, 'whoop') Smith.

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

PAGANPAUL

Thursday, June 29, 2006 4:55 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
Anyone familiar with the "Anne Elk" sketch?

"Mrs. Anne Elk."
"Miss"
"MISS Anne Elk, who is going to present her brand new theory on dinosaurs..."

* - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * -

流口水的婊子和猴子的笨儿子。
Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh bun ur-tze.
"Stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey."

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Thursday, June 29, 2006 5:20 PM

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Brought forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh, brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken!
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.

His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed and his bowls unplugged,
And his nostrils raked and his bottom burnt off,
And his penis--

Robin (interputing): That's...That's, uh... That's enough music for now,
lads. It looks like there's dirty work afoot.

Three headed knight: HALT!!!

Voice over: YES!! It was the dreaded Three headed Knight, the fiercest
creature for *yards* around!
For second.... after second..., Robin held his own, but the
onslaught proved too much for the brave knight. Scarcely was
his armor damp, when Robin suddenly, dramatically, changed his
tactics!

Minstrel: Robin:

Brave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away away....
When Danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly chickened out..

Bravely bravely bravely bravely
Bravely bravely bravely bravely
Bravely bravely brave Sir Robin!

Robin: (at the same time)
No!I didn't!I didn't! No!!I never did!
All lies! I never!

Damn you Fox! Damn you to Hades!!
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Thursday, June 29, 2006 5:26 PM

This board has put me in the mood to go and watch the Holy Grail!

Damn you Fox! Damn you to Hades!!
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

LWAVES

Thursday, June 29, 2006 6:00 PM

"Bring out the dead".

Gotta love Python and that Holy Grail sketch in particular.

Favourite TV sketch would have to be the Four Yorkshiremen.

"You were lucky. We used to live in t'shoebox in middle o' t'road".

This would be followed by the 'Bruces' sketch.

Classic stuff. If you don't know any of it then you haven't heard comedy. Go get some now.

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