How Do You handle Death?
POSTED BY: RiveR6213
UPDATED: Sunday, January 18, 2009 19:09
VIEWED: 23778
PAGE 14 of 15
Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
What can I say Mr. Christhecynic?
You don't need to say anything, it is nice to know that you are reading though.
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[Added]
Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
How is it possible to help others when you can't help yourself?
This isn't an answer to your question, but it is proof that there is an answer.
It has been my experiance that those best at helping others are incapable of helping themselves.
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I just hope you find a way to do one or the other, both might be too much to ask.
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River 6213
How do I handle death? Well, recently my best friend of 34 years died and after an oops, bad drug reaction from something my doctor prescribed, I watched Firefly for 2 weeks solid. It was my first contact with the 'Verse. The problem with death is not for those who die, but for those of us left behind.
What I got from Firefly was this: when you lose everything of value you have one of two choices, you can either lay down and die, or keep going. If you make the choice to keep going, eventually the pain stops being a palpable thing and you find that each day isn't an extreme effort. Hopefully, at some point it becomes worth living again and there are things to enjoy and care about.
Blocking all feelings will protect you from being hurt but it also blocks the good stuff, and life does have good things: art; animals; and people to love and care about. While I've spent the last 6 months licking my wounds over Scottie's death, the time has come to re-join the human race. I hope you find a reason too. Dragoncon is Labor Day weekend, there will be people you will want to meet. You might even enjoy yourself.
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Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:Quote:
Originally posted by minime:
Hi River,
My fault, I revived the thread, I came across it, and couldn't leave the last poster as being the news of a recent death.
I have to say, I'm intrigued by the conversation. Last year I spent 6 months working in outback Papua New Guinea in a hospital, and while I was there I watched a lot of people die. Some old, some young (10 days), some could have been helped in 'first world' countries, some probably not...
That sounds a little like I was sitting back observing disinterestedly as people died - not true. I was there to try and stop that from happening...
So, while I very much personally relate to how you feel - I currently have several doctors and friends trying to convince me that I have clinical depression (part of the price I pay for having doctors as friends) - and have spent inordinate amounts of my own time contemplating death, for me, death is still, generally, the enemy.
I realise this may not at all address your situation - just my own reflection on reading this post and having visited a friend who is into his 12th month of post-traumatic stress disorder after 30 years of life as a cop - policeman, for non-Aussies - seeing horrible car accidents and shootings etc.
Good to know someone here sees the picture for what it is. This is not about me...not about me in any way. I'm not depressed, I'm just sick of life. Nothing new, nor nothing special here. I have a few doctors as friends and I suggest you steer clear of them. They mean well, but they can be a problem. Thank god for my security clearance, or I would have been locked up a long time ago, and locked up I should be.
Sorry you had to see a bunch of old people and kids die. Good job on trying to stop it. I've seen enough children die in my time and it really puts a zap on your head. My problem is that I could never distance myself from the suffering of another. I have this amazing ability...call it a curse, to to be there when someone suffers. I take it all in. I can't block it...never could, and I hold it all in because there is no other place it can go.
In the Peace Corp I can't tell you how many times a child died in my arms. In certain parts of the world, life is cheap, and humans are expendable. You can't go through all of that and not have something taken away from your soul. You paid a price and you will continue paying that price for the rest of your life. Whoops, I think I went too far in explaining. Sorry.
I'm glad that death is still your enemy. You sound like you still have some life in you which is a good thing so I've heard. Tip. Keep a bunch of people who love you around you. Stay involved in human activity. Never spend too much time alone, and for god sakes don't drink and write.
Look to the dead to teach you survival.
River
Didn't mean to imply I thought you were depressed, just that some people like slapping the label.
Thanks for the advice... you are correct about the price you pay for trying to be there... but if I had to make the same choice over, I'd do it again - hell, I'm in the process of signing on to do the same kind of work again.
In the meantime, i hope you find something that sparks your interest in life again. No idea what it could be, but I hope you find it.
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Quote:
Originally posted by minime:Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:Quote:
Originally posted by minime:
Hi River,
My fault, I revived the thread, I came across it, and couldn't leave the last poster as being the news of a recent death.
I have to say, I'm intrigued by the conversation. Last year I spent 6 months working in outback Papua New Guinea in a hospital, and while I was there I watched a lot of people die. Some old, some young (10 days), some could have been helped in 'first world' countries, some probably not...
That sounds a little like I was sitting back observing disinterestedly as people died - not true. I was there to try and stop that from happening...
So, while I very much personally relate to how you feel - I currently have several doctors and friends trying to convince me that I have clinical depression (part of the price I pay for having doctors as friends) - and have spent inordinate amounts of my own time contemplating death, for me, death is still, generally, the enemy.
I realise this may not at all address your situation - just my own reflection on reading this post and having visited a friend who is into his 12th month of post-traumatic stress disorder after 30 years of life as a cop - policeman, for non-Aussies - seeing horrible car accidents and shootings etc.
Good to know someone here sees the picture for what it is. This is not about me...not about me in any way. I'm not depressed, I'm just sick of life. Nothing new, nor nothing special here. I have a few doctors as friends and I suggest you steer clear of them. They mean well, but they can be a problem. Thank god for my security clearance, or I would have been locked up a long time ago, and locked up I should be.
Sorry you had to see a bunch of old people and kids die. Good job on trying to stop it. I've seen enough children die in my time and it really puts a zap on your head. My problem is that I could never distance myself from the suffering of another. I have this amazing ability...call it a curse, to to be there when someone suffers. I take it all in. I can't block it...never could, and I hold it all in because there is no other place it can go.
In the Peace Corp I can't tell you how many times a child died in my arms. In certain parts of the world, life is cheap, and humans are expendable. You can't go through all of that and not have something taken away from your soul. You paid a price and you will continue paying that price for the rest of your life. Whoops, I think I went too far in explaining. Sorry.
I'm glad that death is still your enemy. You sound like you still have some life in you which is a good thing so I've heard. Tip. Keep a bunch of people who love you around you. Stay involved in human activity. Never spend too much time alone, and for god sakes don't drink and write.
Look to the dead to teach you survival.
River
Didn't mean to imply I thought you were depressed, just that some people like slapping the label.
Thanks for the advice... you are correct about the price you pay for trying to be there... but if I had to make the same choice over, I'd do it again - hell, I'm in the process of signing on to do the same kind of work again.
In the meantime, i hope you find something that sparks your interest in life again. No idea what it could be, but I hope you find it.
I've thought about going back and doing that, from time to time, but then I toss the thought out of my mind.
What would spark my interest up a little if they bring back FF or at least another movie, but besides that, I would have to say that the fun part of life is over and Elvis has left the room.
I'm thinking about finding another forum to hang out on. I'm tired of being River6213. I know, I know!!! Don't let the door hit me on the way out.
So tired... *yawn*
River
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WTF? You don't like us anymore? 
Come on, it's fun and warm here, especially now, with all the positive vibes from S-Day and all! You could try picking up some of those and join the party!
The Serenity Summer Campaign is on, baby - prepare to kick some serious pigu!
September 30th is Serenity 'Versary! Be there or be a purple-belted poop-head. (<- not the official slogan.)
I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.
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River,
Sorry you're tired of being River - we're not tired of you being you! and we will miss you if you choose to leave. Either way - we're glad to have had your company.
Minime
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Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
I'm thinking about finding another forum to hang out on. I'm tired of being River6213. I know, I know!!! Don't let the door hit me on the way out.
So tired... *yawn*
River
Or perhaps you are starting to care or feel cared about, and that doesn't fit in with your view of yourself?
Don't leave. "Here" is a good, no-pressure place to be. Post if you like, don't post if you don't.
Like fireflyfans.net?
Help keep the site running.. Why not donate?
see links on homepage
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Quote:
Originally posted by Agatsu:
WTF? You don't like us anymore?
Come on, it's fun and warm here, especially now, with all the positive vibes from S-Day and all! You could try picking up some of those and join the party!
It’s not about me not liking you; it’s about me being so negative. . I don't have anything good to say in any of my posts. Everything that I write down is dark and gloomy; not a shred of light in anything I share.
I was reading over all my posts today and everything and I mean everything I write is so anti-life, anti-fun, anti this and anti that, and it just seems so pointless. Why do I hang out on this forum when I don't really have anything of value to share? I start these ridiculous threads and then I gloom it up for everyone. I'm not a play nice and fit in sort of person even on the internet.
We are all here because we like FF, Buffy and Angel, and we also share the love of science fiction. I think I'm here to try to escape from myself, but it's clear that I brought me along for the ride. Maybe I should have titled this thread "How Do People Deal with Life?" But if I had, I would have found a way to gloom that topic up with my clearly damaged world view.
Yes, I need to find another forum. Maybe there's a Forum out there where everyone on it hates themselves and hates the world? I bet you anything if I found such a forum, I would gloom that one up also. It’s a sad day when people who are depressed and despise the world don't want to hang around you because you are such a downer.
You guys are all fine. You are all normal and get so excited about everything. I mean look at all those people in that series of Forsaken Threads! They get excited over all kinds of crazy things. I go in there and read some of that stuff and I start to dry-heave. It makes no sense at all, but I guess there’s something for everyone here at FFF.net.
So, I can handle death with no problems. Darkness doesn’t scare me. I don't care if I go to heaven or hell if I die. If some friends at work die, I don't care. If there is a car wreck, I don't slow down like I see many other people doing to check out the carnage. If I go to someone's funeral because I was invited. I go to keep up business relations and I eat up the food and drink the wine. Pure apathy in regards to other people. The ultimate in selfish behavior even though it doesn’t feel like I'm being selfish. There's no superiority feeling attached to this. This is just how I turned out. It wasn’t planned.
Have you ever tried this? Last year I spent some time inviting myself to other people's funerals. I would always just show up and people always assumed that I was a friend of the deceased. I did this about 15 or 20 times. I did it because I wanted to hear all those speeches people make about the deceased. What kind of person they were, and how they touched peoples lives. Interesting stuff to have to listen to when you aren’t emotionally attached to the deceased and friends. It was very educational.
Maybe you are all normal people who are really affected by death, and you cry, and you remember and draw strength from the memories of the deceased. You form good friendships, you go to ball games, you hang out with your friends, you love you parents and grandparents. You go to your jobs, you pay your bills and life is this really normal, exciting place. Everything is okay, so…nothing new here. You love you parents and grandparents. You celebrate Birthdays Christmas and all the other Holidays. You are shocked by some of the things you read about in the news and you say “I can’t believe X did that.”
Your lives are alien to me, and I don’t really feel like I’m missing something important. I don’t feel at all. There must be a place on the internet or out in the world where a person like me fits. My 1st thought is that there are plenty of people like me in psycho wards or prison, but I’m talking about somewhere not as unpleasant as those places.
I wonder how I would react to an 8 year old kid b
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Yeah, I read this whole thread. Again. I didn't post the first time. In fact, I didn't post for a while. A few times, I just got to busy to deal with it, and the tenor of banter got too vindictive and hostile, which is to say, counter-productive and boring. So, okay there's a lot here which I could respond to, but, instead, I'm just going to honor the subject of the post and respond as I didn't do initially when it was posted, even though I was actually around.
How do I deal with death.
I don't, I guess. My own experience is somewhat twisted, but not as horrific as some posted here.
When I was 11 years old, I was kicked out of school, my whole family was, hence the 5th grade eductation, if you don't count missing 3rd, and most of kindergarten.
That's when the disappearance of my friends started. They went in small clusters, vanishing, kids I had known who still visited, other home schoolers, each family moved away. My dad left us, my brother moved away, my best friends all gone, my last friend left was my cousin Jeffrey who died, and then I enter a period of self pitying lonliness. Not having the social skills to interact with my would be peers or any contacts, two years of really bitter depression. But I got out, made friends, took some college classes, learned to socialize, slowly, and painfully, it was rough. I was very desensitized somehow when friends started to die. A few from car crashes, and a couple from AIDS, mostly suicides. A pretty f^&ked up society, I figured I always had someone to blame. Then one day we were talking about my cousin Jeffrey, and his death, and someone mentioned it, and said "He committed suicide on your 15th birthday."
I had blocked it. Well and truly burried. Then suddenly the whole flood of memories came over me. Yeah, I know why and how, all the details. His life, which seemed to me, so much better than mine, he had a girlfriend, was in school, had a functional family, was in flight training to be a pilot even though he was just a year older. We had a lot in common, computers, hacking into videogames, programming, D&D, model rockets, etc. The whole of it had been blocked. My brain couldn't cope I guess.
Anyway I had to do some soul searching and self analysis. First off, I knew he intended to die. He had a passion for killing, he used to study murders, torture, he had a whole collection of weapons. I knew he meant to do it an succeed, it wasn't a pity play, it was revenge. His mother ruled that house with an iron fist, NO! was her favorite word, a little power play. So, nothing was allowed.
My self analysis was that my life had been so much worse than his, in my mind, that if his was forfeit, why was I alive? I think this haunted me.
Since then, I've had some close friends die. Yeah, I tend to blame people less, but I they just pass by me. Mike, my brother's best freind, but also one of my closest friends, he was right in between our ages, died in a drug-suicide. No one was sure, but he went missing, and we searched the woods, I didn't find his body. Someone did, He'd fallen or jumped off the 80 foot cliff that his house was built on top of.
This is going to be a longer story than it intended to be, so my apologies, but I guess Mike's death was the first one I had to deal with on a really personal level, and the people around me also dealt with. Mike's father had shot himself, in the house, when Mike and his brother were 10 and 12. Mike had also blocked that memory, and his brother had told him, earlier that night. So, we can only guess what effect that flashback had on Mike. I guess it took him like a wave, like it had with me. At any rate, Mike chose to deal by taking a very large amount of drugs and declaring that he was the second coming of Christ, and then jumping/falling off an 80 foot drop to his death.
His mother reacted the same way she had to her husbands suicide, which happened while she was out with another man, and she came home to find him, and the boys. She had set up a denial. In her world, everyone was completely independent and responsible
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You are a very wordy one Dreamtrove.
Your story is very interesting. It's very sad, and makes a person's guts (Mine) twist and turn just reading it. It appears that you have been on a dramatic, life's, journey. The fact that you are not on top of a roof with a sniper's rifle leads me to have some admiration for you. My experiences are pretty nasty, but my experiences appears to not hold a candle to yours. I do not know who I would be now if I had had your experiences.
You strike me as the sort of person that gives everything in your life a serious moment of real consideration, and don't allow things to pass you by without an opinion regarding it. I would have to say that you are a very strong person, but it also makes me wonder that your surviving so much in your life that you've might have become the person you currently don't want to be? I could be wrong, but mind wrenching experiences does have the nasty habit of changing who we are.
As far as death is concerned (Seeing that is what this thread is about) since I last posted on this forum I lost 2 more people that I knew very well. One of them I rather liked a lot, and the other I sort of hated, but had to deal with them all the time to the point where i got to know them. I would have to say that after all the people I have lost in my life I really don't, or no longer feel that I need to "handle death" because death is going to come to you, or your friends, and family whether you are ready for it of not; whether you can handle it or not. it's going to come, so I guess I don't handle death. I don't see any reason to handle it. People die and that's just how things go.
-River
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