How Do You handle Death?
POSTED BY: RiveR6213
UPDATED: Sunday, January 18, 2009 19:09
VIEWED: 23778
PAGE 9 of 15
I hope you don't feel like we're all acting like we're above you or something. Giving advice that may or may not be good, advice that conflicts.
I don't think I'm better than you and I don't think I can solve your problems just from reading a post on a forum.
I do care about you, I don't know why and I don't care why. I want to see you happy, even if you are as souless as you say.
It's a weakness really, but it's one I'm proud to have, and it's something I hope you'll think about that.
For whatever little it is worth we are here for you and we care about you. You're right, this isn't a thread about you, but it became one because the people here want to see you happy, that may not matter to you, it may not matter at all, but it's true and it matters to us.
Whatever you decide to do, even if it is nothing, we'll still be here.
I hope you try to change your life because there's no point in doing that which you hate, I think other people are trying too hard to get you to do what they think will help though.
By all means do out and do something good, an act of charity or kindness, see if it has any effect on you, see if you enjoy it in the least. But you don't need to do that, take a kayak or a hike, go to Florence (I love it there) just ditch everything for a day and watch your favorite movies.
Do anything that isn't part of what you hate to see if it will make you feel any better. Your life is up to you, as it should be, but I want to see you happy because I'm a selfish bastard who hates it when people I care about are down, and you're one of those people, so I hope so very much that you'll do something.
-
Sorry for two posts in a row, you know me by now, I just can't shut up.
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Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
RiveR6213 wrote:Quote:
...You know, after all these years I don’t have a clue how to live a life and be happy; I never have. I made it to the top of the heap in these parts and what am I? A Sad Little Queen on a Sad Little Hill.
So, quit!
Quit being a "soulless, money grubbing, full of myself, white privileged asshole".
Just quit it.
To those whom much has been given, much will be demanded. (Paraphrased, a la JFK, from Luke 12:48)
Who's forcing you to be a leech on the backside of humanity? You proclaim to be in control of your destiny, of what your personality is. So who is that powerful Svengali that's forcing you into such isolationist modes of thought, into a prison of your own design? It's only you.
You don't trust others, because they want to control you, or because they want to take advantage of your trusting nature. But it's only you that's screwing yourself over. ...That and your beloved (damned) possessions.
So, here's a place to start:
Wear (or purchase) the most unassuming clothing you can find. Buy a cheap pocketbook to put your ID in; carry no credit cards, money or other trinkets. Take off all your jewelry, perfume and makeup. Brush all the 'product' out of your hair.
Take a taxi or *gulp!* ride the bus to a homeless shelter, an orphanage, a battered women's shelter -- whatever suits your conscience. (i.e., Don't drive or have yourself driven in one of your automobiles.) These institutions are everywhere in this day and age, so don't say there's not one in your area. If not, jet to another city, then change into your cheap, unfashionable, ill-fitting disguise and read on.
When you get there, volunteer to help for the day. If they ask for your ID, show it to them; nobody will recognize you, regardless how famous you think you are. If you don't look like somebody who has recently bathed in mother's milk, you won't get a second glance.
The people you will meet in these places will shock you to your core. They will be 'poorly maintained': they may smell bad, have bad teeth, be malnourished, suffering from chemical dependence withdrawal symptoms (even the infants), have bruises and scars... They may look at you with distrust, fear, apathy, even outright hatred.
In other words, they are just like you.
They are made of flesh and blood, and have hearts and minds. Tend them even though they distrust, fear and hate you. Feed them. Comfort them. Ask for nothing -- not even a thank you -- in return. If they do thank you, if a child hugs you, accept it as though it were a blessing from God her/himself (because it is).
But the key is to do these things anonymously, not for recognition or as a publicity stunt, not as a public display of generosity. Just be a person, ordinary and unremarkable, doing things strictly for the benefit of people to whom Life has not been as kind as it has been to you.
Sometime during your day of labors, get the mailing address of the charity's administrative offices and later mail them an exorbitant sum of money, untraceable to you. Never claim it on your income tax, or tell anyone from your company or the media that you did it.
Repeat as necessary...
Eventually, this will change you into a person capable of (responsibly) caring about others, and capable of being (genuinely) cared about in return. How? Because persons in these circumstances cannot demand anything of anyone; they are living on the very edge of existence. They are the people marginalized by the greed of the wealthy, by those who connive to possess 200 times as much as they need to comfortably survive. Where did you think that money comes from? Do you think they just print up more whenever rich people decide they don't have enough? Or did you ever suspect that perhaps it comes out of the pockets of the poorest among us, the most benighted, out of the mouths of babes?
Just give it back. Give it all back, if you can stand it. Sounds to me like none of it's doing youNOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Quote:Thanks for that FollowMal, summed up my own feelings on the subject alot more eloquently than I could have :)
Originally posted by FollowMal:
I lost my father a year and a half ago at Christmas, Dec. 26th to be exact. He died on his Mother's birthday and I told him as he slipped away from me that he was so good to wait until the day AFTER Christmas. I sat with my Father all night long and waited with him for death. I was there when he drew his last breath. He was the bravest man I knew and he faced death with dignity and strength no different than I'd come to know him for. I cried, I cried plenty. I was also thankful that I knew him and he loved me and I loved him. I was grateful for all the years that we were so close.
I was grateful for the pain. I was so much more blessed by the love over the years.. that the pain was well worth it.
I expect to have some more death in my life before it's my turn. It will be horribly painful, but only because I was so close to those who I will lose that I will miss them, and mourn them. And rightfully so. I am alive and I love, therefore I will suffer. I'm glad it's so. I am not so afraid of my own personal pain, that I can't know love and enjoy it.
The greatest pain I can think of is to not have love of others and they of you.
"You hold. Hold 'til I get back." Mal
Oddly, I also lost my father around Christmas time. My mother was out of state visiting her relatives, leaving my two siblings and my Dad in the house alone. He was home from work recovering from back surgery, and I was on break from school, so we got to spend some quality time together before he passed.
Without getting into long and boring details, I was alone in the house with him when he had his heart attack. It was totally out of the blue, and something none of us were expecting. I had the rather unwelcome duty of calling 911, attempting CPR, waking my mom up with a long-distance phone call, waiting for the ambulance to arrive and explaining the situation to my brother since he showed up just as the ambulance was pulling in. My sister, luckily, slept through the entire fiasco, and I got to stay up all night waiting for her to wake up so I could break the news to her, which was the hardest part by far. :P
That was December 20, 1999. He was pronounced DOA at the hospital. I think we've all managed to move on to some degree, but it still gets to me when I dwell on it. I don't grieve for my father, but for myself and all the time we've missed out on these past years. Even now I'll catch myself coming across something I think he'd be interested in, and have one of those "oh, yeah, he's dead" moments :) He's the one who hooked me on sci-fi, and games, etc. (I think he would've been quite a loyal Browncoat were he still around :)
And... well, this is running quite long. Just felt since everyone else was sharing that I'd throw in my own views :) I think it's certainly worth the pain in losing someone if that's the price of it all. It was a gift that I knew my Father like I did, and the last gift he gave me was in dying; 'cause nothing's ever been all that difficult after that night :) Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but this one is mine :P
________________________________________________
You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)
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Quote:
Originally posted by TheSomnambulist:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:Quote:
I'm sitting here at my desk at work feeling really miserable because I now know that I hate my life. I mean really hate it. I hate this thing I’ve created…its so soulless. I hate this company I started. I hate the people. I hate coming in here and seeing their creepy little faces expecting me to make a decision. I hate their expectations of me. I hate that they change their attitudes around me and try to kiss ass. I hate the backbiting they do with each other. I hate my cars, and I hate my boats. I hate that people put on a fake face to me just because they know I have money at this company. They fucking French kiss my ass here to get ahead. I hate the stupid parties that I have to throw for these idiots here to make them happy and work harder. I hate the paperwork; GOD!!! I hate the paperwork! I hate the meetings. I hate it I hate it I hate I hate it!!!!
I wish I could just leave it all behind me. I feel like running away from it all. I wish I were poor and happy living in some hellhole somewhere, sharing a can of tuna with a person I love. I wish I could change my personality, and my race and be someone else. I hate being me. I’m so joyless, and boring. I’ve become what I hate the most. I’m this soulless, money grubbing, full of myself, white privileged asshole. Is there an asshole gene? If there is I have it in spades.
You know, after all these years I don’t have a clue how to live a life and be happy; I never have. I made it to the top of the heap in these parts and what am I? A Sad Little Queen on a Sad Little Hill.
River
I keep thinking of you and what you've written. I've been struggling all night trying to find the words, the appropriate sentence that will have the words to soothe your querries, and each time I delete, close down the forum and sit down again to watch some TV. Then your posts come back to me and I find myself thinking of another way to possibly reply to your comments.
So here I am for the fifth, possibly sixth time, trying to construct a worthy reply. I'm not sure I'll do right even now but here goes....
River give yourself a break. If only for one night. Just one night when you don't think about all this stuff, all this vapour in random disarray. I couldn't agree more that life is a series of ups and downs. A Sisyphian struggle... But it needn't ALL be that way.
I'm somewhat sad to read your latest post about the life you've created and how much you hate it, but really why be so brutally analytical about your life? Why be so negative about what you've done. It's so easy to be negative about such things.
I could just as easily reduce my life to a series of failures: 35, no wife, no kids, no pension, short! Few friends, stays indoors talking on forums, don't own a house, can't own a house, can't fathom quadratic equations, can't get a book published, haven't advanced medicine or philosophical thought and have absolutely no grasp of the force!
You get my drift I'm sure. I'm just trying to establish the fact that you are being WAY, WAY to hard on yourself.
And for the record you're in no way faceless and boring where d'you get that from?! Have you seen the length of this thread, the variety of personallities at work here! It's fantastic! You've engaged the minds of several members, that has to count for something? No?
So ok you don't know the answers to life - none of us do, and therein lies the route of how we all wonderfully connect in this ever tumbling series of events, that have us laughing and crying to our graves...
The
Somnambulist
The
Somnambulist,
No, you are right. The people on this board are great. You guys certainly don't take any crap from me, and that's saying plenty. Okay, okay!! I flew off the handle! I lost my Vulcan control, or had too much caffeine today.
I have to take things seriously though. Things are set up in this company where I have my hands involved in everything. I just can't leave, I
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Quote:
Originally posted by FromtheDark:
I dont grieve so much any more, i get the whole we are born most of us live then we die but yeah i spill a few tears for the dead only coz i know im not going to see them for a while but then there is nothing.
But i must admit when only a few months ago six teens around my age were wiped out when a car ran into them i was taken back for a bit longer then when i lose people whom i love.
But RiveR213 i agree humans suck i have more compassion for animals than anything else.
If at first you dont succeed, you wont be skydiving again
I shed tears when a favorite character dies on a TV show. I cried when Buffy sacrificed herself for her sister and humanity during the season 5 finale of BTVS.
Isnt it amazing how we can cry over animals and fictitious characters easier than real human beings?
River
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Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
I have to take things seriously though. Things are set up in this company where I have my hands involved in everything. I just can't leave, I would love too but I can’t at this moment in time. I think I will be able to take a year off starting this October if everything goes right and then I can take the time to rediscover people and myself, but let me tell you, this job is killing me.
You don't have to wait till then to find yourself.
Start small and don't put it off.
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Nuclearday...
I am grateful we both had Fathers who were so connected with us and that we were each able to do the things that needed done. You are right you know.. nothing is ever so hard as that.
We changed as we were supposed to.
Thank you and *hugs*
"You hold. Hold 'til I get back." Mal
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Respectfully,
zoid
P.S.
You want to be a good person? Then stop fantasizing about it and be a good person. No one's stopping you but that "Sad Little Queen" in the mirror.
He is Zoid. He is good. Listen to him. We all should.
Sell the company and retire, then help people. I you had died last time it all would belong to friends of Bush now anyway. Do something completly scary and unprecedented. Re-make yourself.
Best regards, Chrisisall, a cyber-friend
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Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
Respectfully,
zoid
P.S.
You want to be a good person? Then stop fantasizing about it and be a good person. No one's stopping you but that "Sad Little Queen" in the mirror.
He is Zoid. He is good. Listen to him. We all should.
Sell the company and retire, then help people. I you had died last time it all would belong to friends of Bush now anyway. Do something completly scary and unprecedented. Re-make yourself.
Best regards, Chrisisall, a cyber-friend
It's good advice, but it is not as easy as that, though I appreciate the advice and I know its right. I can't just sell off this thing. It’s very complicated and could involve courts, and other sub industries and a lot of other annoyances that could drag on for years, and this sort of thing could lead to a no vote of confidence which is a death sentence in my line of work. I don’t need that headache. There would be no way to justify it, and no one gives a damn about the human element. I’ll just have to find another way.
If this were a movie or a poorly written novel, I would be a Super villain who wanted to be transformed back into a human with feelings, but the catch is, I have to lose my super powers in the process that makes me a super villain. Crazy world we live in.
I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their stories and opinions regarding death and how you deal with and handle it. Crazy stuff, some of what I read here about other people's experiences are hard to comprehend, and I know I could never go through, and survive the experiences that they had with the demise(that spelled right?) of the ones they love.
Example: Zoid's band member, his father, and his grandfather deaths, and all that he had to go through to come to terms with them.
Shadowfly, who, along with his family saw his father off, and has hopes that when he's on his way out, he has the ones who love him the most to be there to send him on his way.
Sameertia, A person who understands the cycle of life, and understands the transformation of death. A person who believes that grief is healthy.
Mima, who attempted to connect with me because she/he sees a person with some serious, deep seated, emotional issues.
Pinballwizard for his sharing of his great grandmother's death, and also for his 1st experience at comprehending what death really means.
And for Arcadia's hair-raising story of grand mother dying at the age of 10 and at the age of 16 she loses yet another friend during car surfing. At 18 she loses another friend who shoots herself twice in the chest, and then most recently this year, she loses an Aunt. Heavy stuff.
Sisterbettyx whose family treats death like a celebration. This is a new one for me.
Christhecynic, who avoids death like the plague and who believes that death has a habit of coming at the wrong time.
Copilot who watched her grandfather die, and had kind words for him at his funeral.
To JTSKIER12)) who believes that death is unnatural.
Twoshells, who gets introspective and then moves on rather than wallow in depression. He believes that memory is what counts.
To FutureMrsFillion who doesn’t fall apart during emergencies, and does not act the fool, but death has a habit of affecting her a long time. Love does not shut off like a light switch with this one.
And to all the others who have shared their mind numbing stories and experiences:
FollowMal
Chrismoorhed
Chrisisall
Thesomnabulist
Mick91
MicJwlch
Jigman
Tristan
Windie
Reynoldfan34
Littlealbatross29
Nuclearday
Thank you all for being part of this board, and part of this thread. Good answers and good thoughts to the question I put forth.
Long winded River
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Quote:
Originally posted by windie:
Well river6213, you have managed to pull me in again, very interesting thread.
I think I am more like you than I would really like to be. Ok not as open as you appear to be now, but hey I am a big believer in sh!t happens.
As for the whole death thing I have seen enough for me not to even think about it anymore. It is just what happens, people can bitch and wine all they like, you're still getting a good bite of death eventually. There is nothing you can do about it doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, you are going to get there.
Human's in general tend to think that they are here for a special purpose, well we are not. There is a big cycle that goes something like you're born, you do a bit, then you get off the bus and give someone else a go. It's as simple as that, I don't even believe that you have much choice in how it is going to be unless you are born into money. Personally I am glad I wasn't I like the uncertainty that goes along with having just enough. It would take the fun out of life if I could just say I want that one and that one, oh and that one as well.
But as for death who cares. I don't and when I am gone don't grieve, just have a good party and get on with your existance. I would much rather be the cause of a damn good hangover that you won't forget in a while than be cried about.
Why have they taken the sky from ME
I don't really see myself sitting about and thinking 'how can I drag Windie into a topic?' I make these topics up out of personal interest and am interested in other people's opinions...nothing more. You joined this thread because it struck a chord in you and you felt like you had something to say, so don't blame your choice on me...I've got my own issues I don't need yours.
River
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