Come and laugh at all the stupid people!
POSTED BY: EmmaRigby
UPDATED: Sunday, June 4, 2006 15:15
VIEWED: 11497
PAGE 5 of 6
Quote:
Originally posted by kjippo:
7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil
BWAAHAHAhahahahahaha!!
Universal maxim: Stupid IS the dominant gene.
JerryT
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"I'll be in my bunk"
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Emma,
Those insurance claims are a hoot! I have seen most of them before...and the reality is sometimes funnier than the mad-up stuff!
Thanks for the laugh!
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I thought I'd post these to balance out some of the zingers that I've heard from George W.
We too have an insensitive clod at the head of our country (and yet I kind'a like him. He has charisma!) but at least ours is pretty powerless.
Not meant to insite political outrage at all, just a gentle titter!
Funny quotes and gaffes by Prince Phillip
Also known as the 'consort's clangers'..
(1967 When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union) "The bastards murdered half my family.."
(1981 A comment during the UK's recession) "Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.."
(1982 To Solomon Islanders, on being told that their population growth was 5% a year) "You must be out of your minds.."
(1984 On receiving a gift from a Kenyan native woman) "You are a woman aren't you?.."
(1986 To a group of British students in China) "If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed.."
(To a Cayman Islander) "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?.."
(c. 1990 To a British expat in Hungary) "You can't have been here that long, you haven't got a potbelly yet.."
(1995 To a Scottish driving instructor in Oban) "How do you keep the natives off the booze for long enough to pass their test?.."
(1998 To a student who'd trekked in Papua New Guinea) "You managed not to get eaten then?.."
(1999 On seeing a fuse box while being shown around an Edinburgh factory) "It looks as though it was put in by an Indian.."
(2002 To a school band in Cairns, Australia) "You were playing your instruments weren't you?, or do you have tape recorders under your seats?.."
(2002 To an Aboriginal man on Australia's Tjapukai Aboriginal Cultural Park) "Do you still throw spears at each other..?
(2002 Commenting during the Jubilee tour) "If you travel as much as we do you appreciate how much more comfortable aircraft have become. Unless you travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.."
(2002 Commenting on the London traffic debate, after mayor Ken Livingstone forced through his plan to charge motorists £5 to enter the city) "The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism we could stop the congestion.."
(Summer 2002 Aboard the floating restaurant 'Il Punto' on the river Orwell in Ipswich, after thoroughly enjoying an excellent full English breakfast) "French cooking's all very well, but they can't do a decent English breakfast.." (Il Punto is owned by Frenchman Regis Crepy..)
(2003 visiting a school, asking a tubby little boy what he wanted to be when he grows up, and being told, 'an astronaut') "You'll have to lose a bit of weight first.."
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Hisssssss!
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Ah Emma.
The wondeful Prince Phillip.
Don't really like the Royals as a bunch, too stuck up their own arses, but you gotta love the comments he makes.
I've always expected him, when speaking to a German at a War Veterans Reunion, to come out with the Fawtly classic. "You started it!!"
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Emma,
Wow. Just...wow.
Thank you for that.
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I can't seem to stop!
I next found some actual (I think) quotes from letters regarding council houses(local goverment maintained housing scheme - in case you don't have anything similar abroad!) that made me smile so of course I just have to post them here!
(Allegedly real) quotes from letters to Islington Council's housing department
"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."
"Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."
"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."
"The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"
"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall."
"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother."
"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."
"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces."
"Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much."
"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it."
"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."
"Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."
"I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."
"We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."
"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."
________________________________ Hisssssss!
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Well Emma aparently our minds go to the same place. Thanks for the laughs! I need them today.
An I carried such a torch.......For the Dark Lord
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I think at this point people would be kinda disappointed if Prince Phillip didn't make some kinda offensive slur at them whenever he visits.
He's like the Harlan Ellison of international politics.
-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.
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Quote:
Originally posted by EmmaRigby:
"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."
He he he he ... *gasps for air* I used to live in the UK - I'm sure BBC2 isn't that bad... then again!!!
Thank you - I so know why you are considered one of the shiniest people in this 'family'
Love & llama's - Magdalene x x
"I love my captain!"
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