Male and Female Imponderables the Fifth
POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Sunday, May 28, 2006 11:01
VIEWED: 20374
PAGE 4 of 14
Along those lines, I have to disagree that two men who have slept with the same woman cannot be in the same room. My wife's second ex is a really good friend of mine...as a matter of fact, when we are together, we end up joking about the fact that we are, in fact, friends. It's odd at times, and several people show surprise that we are friends, but I have a philosophy that friendship can surpass the ocassional "odd" moment...anyone else have a situation like this?
Holding until you get back, Captain.
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Did anyone ever see Paint Your Wagon? That was a running joke in my old circle. Also isn't it said somewhere that "An enemy of my enemy is my friend." ?
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I think friends in general are there to fill different, uh, emotional roles, if you're going to call it that. If a girl needs a "token" guy friend to fill needs she isn't getting with her man, she's with the wrong man, but there are sometimes things one must go to a friend with. I personally don't have many guy friends. I have in the past, but I don't right now. Things tend to get awkward for some reason or other. Actually, that happens among the women-folk, too. Not always something sexual, just life.
Anyway, in terms of exes and relating to them, I generally prefer not to. I've never had a relationship end amiably. Not sure what it is, maybe I have an intimidatin' manner, but men seem to think they need to kinda tiptoe around the issue and, well, pretty much be cowards. And liars. And I ain't friends with liars or cowards, not in general.
Here's an example; my most recent ex, who was my most serious relationship to date, at first just refused to talk to me for awhile. Then, after I had called him enough times and finally demanded to know what the hell was goin on, he wrote me a gorram e-mail. In this cowardly little e-mail, he first completely discounted our relationship, basically said there was nothing to it in the first place. Then he said we were still fine as friends. Well, um, no we weren't. There had been nothing wrong with the, shall we say, "romantic" part of our relationship, so obviously the problem was elsewhere. Plus he had just blown the "fine as friends" idea by making me lose respect for him. Also by betraying my trust. Way I see it, he was either lying through his teeth when he said he loved me or lying through his teeth when he said there was never anything to it. If he had been a man about it, just stood up and said "so this is what's happening with such-and-such right now so I really can't be in this relationship" and said it to my face, I might have retained some respect for him, but as it is I did not. I can't be friends with anyone I don't trust or respect, and certainly not when I have a proverbial elephant sitting in the room with us and him refusing to discuss it.
Anyway, I severe ties. Pretty much without exception. I've been friends with people I have feelings for, and I've been friends with people who have unknowingly kinda broken my heart. Really, that's not always been pleasant. Add the other go se to the mix and it just isn't someplace I want to be.
Side note-ish: I've had two exes now claim that they wanted to stay my friend because they really did value me, but when I've made it clear that they actually have to work at it; i.e. regaining some of my trust and resolving some of the issues caused by a breakup, they haven't been willing to put in the effort.
This is, of course, my personal experience. My mom is still good friends with her first husband (though not so much her second) and has been friends with others in the past who she was involved with. Of course I would have to say that it's a person-to-person issue. I just have yet to date someone who was willing or able to actually be a friend to me after they hurt me, and I know it doesn't always work that way.
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One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.
Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.
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Quote:Might also depend on which cames first, the friendship, or the girl. I try and make a point to not act on it much, but I do have a slight jealousy streak in me when it comes to my girl and her male friends. (Generally not so much if it's going good, then more so if we start having problems. For the obvious reasons :)
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
A friend I had once stated that two men who have slept with the same woman can't ever be in the same room together.
I have had situations, though, where a girl has dated both myself and a good friend (at different times.) Sometimes awkward for the hanging out with the ex part, but I've found there's a long-standing, unspoken rule that you don't let your girl screw up your friendships.
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You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)
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what if they both slept with here at the same time in the same room 3some :-0
Simon:"If the battle was so horrible, why did he name the ship after it?"
Zoe:"Once you've been in serenity you never leave"
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You shouldn't let anyone screw up any relationship. However, it's time to poll the board with another question or two.
The first one is along the lines we have been following...is it hard to see either an ex or a crush with someone else? I don't mean in the "I was snubbed" way, but is it difficult to come to terms with the fact that they are in a sexual relationship with someone else?
Another question; new topic:
Thoughts on violence in the world; too much or it doesn't bother you? I don't mean war, or murder, or things like that, but more of the attitude towards violence in general. I am interested to see how this one breaks down between the sexes. I, myself, like the occasional violent movie; gunplay, swordplay, etc. I also practice weapon-play, and took martial arts classes as a child. This may have inured me to violence later in life. I am wondering if any of you who have never taken classes or studied fighting have the same attitude, or if you have studied, how you feel.
Holding until you get back, Captain.
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Yes. More so with a crush, since there's kind of a "What does she have that I don't?" feeling, but I also don't tend to like seeing/hearing about an ex being with someone else. Esspecially when (as has often but not always been the case) I look at them and say "This is my replacement? WTF?!"
I like action movies and such, but seeing actual violence kinda sickens me. I have a collection of weapons, I enjoy firing guns, and I hit a heavy bag on a regular basis, which I think is a fairly healthy way to release frustration and keep in some kind of shape. I have basically no formal training, though I've considered it. I love watching choreographed fights, but real fights don't tend to be quite so... pretty. I don't know if I actually answered there, I feel like I'm not all that clear. Anyway, that's my take.
Oh yes, and if anyone ever tried to kill me, I would certainly try to kill them right back.
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One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.
Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.
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My favorite movies are action SH*T blows up movies. So no problem there. And there are always a few people I want to punch.
I think our biggest problem (after education) is that we as a society have lost some of our manners. We are not as polite as we used to be. That becomes a problem in a large society, we also no longer expect people to take responsibility for their actions, rather we explain it away - THAT is not a good thing to teach our children.
I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"
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I've never had an easy time seeing a crush or someone with someone else. Not like a earth-shattering sort of problem, but I can't say I've been all that gracious about that stuff in the past.
Come to think of it, that happened with my first real crush back in high school. I was way too shy to ask her out for years and doing the whole pining away in secret thing. By the time I worked up enough guts to write her a corny letter she was seeing some older fella who'd already graduated. Bad enough that I'd missed my chance by something like a day or two, even worse that it was an older kid I couldn't compete with. 
Far as violence goes: I'm a pretty laid-back guy. No formal training or anything, I might be able to "survive" a stand-up fight, but I'd rather it not get that far. I'm a lover, not a fighter, and I wouldn't want to muss up my pretty face :P I love action movies and the like, though. Ditto video-games, the more gore the better. (I was a big fan of Grand Theft Auto, for instance.)
I agree with PheonixRose that I like watching choreographed fights more. Though some good martial-arts sparring and the like is good, too. Stuff like say, Ultimate Fighting and the like, while I enjoy watching people get beat up, just isn't as pretty to spectate unless you know what you're looking for, I think.
And I'll throw in another agreement with FMF, too. About politeness in our society. Likely solve alot of the too much violence problems if people would treat each other a little better. "Can't we all just get along?" :P
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You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)
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Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
My favorite movies are action SH*T blows up movies. So no problem there. And there are always a few people I want to punch.
I also like a little mindless action every now and then. Rather more ofter than I fancy a chick flick if I'm honest.
Quote:
I think our biggest problem (after education) is that we as a society have lost some of our manners. We are not as polite as we used to be. That becomes a problem in a large society, we also no longer expect people to take responsibility for their actions, rather we explain it away - THAT is not a good thing to teach our children.
I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"
I agree. I think that a lack of respect and empathy for other people is behind each and every crime in the world. I think Heinlein once said something like there is only one crime, treating people as things.
About the problem of exes dating, I had a different experience of that. My last boyfriend started secretly seeing another of my housemates (after I'd broken up with him) and I was by far the last to know as everyone had been keeping it quiet so as not to upset me. This just drove me mad! It was so condescending and stupid! I was actually really relieved he was going out with someone, made me feel less guilty for splitting up with him! By hiding it he just showed how little he knew or respected me!
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