The New Republician Guide to America

POSTED BY: fredgiblet
UPDATED: Friday, July 25, 2025 18:57
VIEWED: 8637
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FREDGIBLET

Friday, May 19, 2006 5:56 AM

Just stole this off of MySpace, if the guy who posted it on MySpace is here sorry but I couldn't pass it up.

Quote:

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, but the Attorney General can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

Can't wait to see the reaction to this.

SASSALICIOUS

Friday, May 19, 2006 6:43 AM

I've seen this before and I laughed my ass off then. Much like I'm doing right now. I have one regarding God holding a press conference and it's pretty good as well.

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I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"
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OLDENGLANDDRY

Friday, May 19, 2006 7:27 AM

I'ts funny because it's true.
And it's sad because it's true.

JONUS

Friday, May 19, 2006 12:47 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by oldenglanddry:
I'ts funny because it's true.
And it's sad because it's true.

My thoughts exactly.

WORKEROFEVIL

Friday, May 19, 2006 1:19 PM

That's great. Another satirical list people might get a kick out of can be found here: http://grove.ufl.edu/~ggsa/gaymarriage.html. Enjoy!

HERO

Friday, May 19, 2006 1:57 PM

I think that it should be called "A Liberal Guide to What We Think Republicans Think". I'm pretty sure it was written by one of the writers for West Wing...those guys never wrote one convicing Republican. The closest they got was Alan Alda and he played a pro-choice moderate who didn't believe in God.

H

CITIZEN

Friday, May 19, 2006 3:10 PM

You can't blame the left because you guys can't get a coherent message out

More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
And as you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say.

ANTHONYT

Friday, May 19, 2006 3:29 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Hero:
I think that it should be called "A Liberal Guide to What We Think Republicans Think". I'm pretty sure it was written by one of the writers for West Wing...those guys never wrote one convicing Republican. The closest they got was Alan Alda and he played a pro-choice moderate who didn't believe in God.

H

Would you care to rebut each of the comedy statements with a statement accurately reflecting the Republican position?

--Anthony

"Liberty must not be purchased at the cost of Humanity." --Captain Robert Henner

FUTUREMRSFILLION

Friday, May 19, 2006 3:45 PM

Hero

It may not be what rational everyday Republicans think, but unfortunately, it is what the current administration thinks as evidenced by its conduct and decisions. As well as the loud mouth "voices" of the Republican party like their "wonderful" Mr Limbaugh.

SIGMANUNKI

Friday, May 19, 2006 3:49 PM

Brilliant! Just brilliant!

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"We're in a giant car heading into a brick wall at 100 miles/hr and everybody's arguing about where they want to sit."
-David Suzuki

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