Male and Female Imponderables Part Deux
POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Monday, May 15, 2006 20:33
VIEWED: 25808
PAGE 7 of 23
Quote:
Originally posted by lysander:
Besides, sometimes guys don't get the whole hinting thing.
I never get it...
. Every time I think "Hmm, was she hinting?" I immediately also think "Nah, I shouldn't read too much into it, I don't want to seem desperate."Other people can occasionally be useful, especially as minions. I want lots of minions.
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Now I've read more of this... hope I can remember what all was talked about.
Kissing? I can't get enough of it. It shouldn't even always lead to something else, I just love being kissed. And petted and hugged and massaged. Contact is very, very important to me. It soothes me and makes me feel loved. I have yet to find a partner who touches me enough (though now I'm single again, so maybe I'll get lucky).
Submissive and dominant are terms that I, too, have an issue with. I don't think either should be one or the other, but that there should be a trade off. No sense in just one of you doing all the work! (in any area, not just the bedroom) What's the point of a partnership if one is in control and the other isn't? No, trading off is good.
I usually approach wanting to have something done in a question form. "Would you kiss down my spine?" It tends to work quite well.
Cooking... I like to cook okay, but if I had to do it all the time I would go monkeyshit. I would like a partner who could cook.
Driving. Ah, there's a touchy subject. Honestly, there are very few people I am comfortable with driving me around. My most recent boyfriend was a very good driver and never made me nervous, but he was an exception. And I could get scientific with you, because aparently there are stats on these things: female drivers are responsible for 80% of fender benders. Male drivers are responsible for 77% of accidents in which the car was totaled or someone was injured. So which gender has worse drivers? I say it's about even in the "distraction" department, but men must drive too fast if they total more cars. Though I have met women who do that, too. Personally? I'm usually in the drivers seat. It prevents nerves.
Things that annoy me about men? They (generally) are not in touch with how they feel or why. Either that or refuse to say anything about it. I hate that. I like to know what's going on. I like to have reasons for behavior, be it good or bad. Most times if I ask "Well, but why do you feel this way?" I don't get an answer, I get an "I dunno." which really frustrates me. Seriously. I could rant about it for pages, so I'll just stop here.
Trying to come up with a question of my own to ask... I know I should have some but just can't think of them right now...
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One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.
Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.
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Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Things that annoy me about men? They (generally) are not in touch with how they feel or why. Either that or refuse to say anything about it. I hate that. I like to know what's going on. I like to have reasons for behavior, be it good or bad. Most times if I ask "Well, but why do you feel this way?" I don't get an answer, I get an "I dunno." which really frustrates me. Seriously. I could rant about it for pages, so I'll just stop here.
LOL, and that's usually one of the things that bug me about women :P Always wanting to know how we're feeling...
To be perfectly honest, half the time I myself don't know exactly how I feel about alot of things, much less why :) I always know I'm headed for a heap of trouble when she starts wanting to talk about our "relationship..."
Maybe it's just a guy thing, or maybe it's even just me, but I'm usually pretty conflicted about most things in life. Talking it out all the time just muddies the waters. If I know how I feel, I'll tell you, or show you. If you ask how I feel, and I say "I dunno," it's usually 'cause I don't :P (Once again, this is right after a day of work, so I don't even know it that makes sense...:)
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You can take my hope when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)
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Quote:
Originally posted by nuclearday:Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Things that annoy me about men? They (generally) are not in touch with how they feel or why. Either that or refuse to say anything about it. I hate that. I like to know what's going on. I like to have reasons for behavior, be it good or bad. Most times if I ask "Well, but why do you feel this way?" I don't get an answer, I get an "I dunno." which really frustrates me. Seriously. I could rant about it for pages, so I'll just stop here.
LOL, and that's usually one of the things that bug me about women :P Always wanting to know how we're feeling...
To be perfectly honest, half the time I myself don't know exactly how I feel about alot of things, much less why
That figures. So then let me ask you this: If you break up with someone, abruptly and without warning, stomp a heart under your heel, do you have a reason for that or do you honestly "don't know"? Because if that's the case I don't think I ever, ever want to date a man again.
Sorry, I'm a little bitter here. This just happened to me, so yeah. Seriously, though, give me an honest answer, I'd like to know.
*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.
Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.
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Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
That figures. So then let me ask you this: If you break up with someone, abruptly and without warning, stomp a heart under your heel, do you have a reason for that or do you honestly "don't know"? Because if that's the case I don't think I ever, ever want to date a man again.
Sorry, I'm a little bitter here. This just happened to me, so yeah. Seriously, though, give me an honest answer, I'd like to know.
Ah, frell, you got me there... Actually, yes, I hate to say I've done that before. Terribly long story about the how and why, etc... Looking back, not too proud of that time for a variety of reasons. Really, it wasn't so much about the relationship, or her, but a bunch of crap I was going through at the time. "It's not you, it's me!" :)
Now that I've "grown up" a bit more, it really bugs me seeing guys treat their girls like that. I may have trouble articulating where our relationship is going, or just how I feel about it. But if I'm with someone, it's 'cause that's where I want to be.
I've since learned that it's about respect. If I'm with someone, I owe it to her to let her know if I think it's not working out. There's a fine line between just plain confused and conflicted, and holding back what needs to be said.
(BTW, with me, most of the conflict is usually based on fear. The whole commitment-phobia thing, for one. Letting people "in.") Not generally so much about whether I should leave a relationship, but more along the lines of: "Oh,
, what the frell do I do now?" sort of thing :)________________________________________________
You can take my hope when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)
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Quote:
Originally posted by nuclearday:Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
That figures. So then let me ask you this: If you break up with someone, abruptly and without warning, stomp a heart under your heel, do you have a reason for that or do you honestly "don't know"? Because if that's the case I don't think I ever, ever want to date a man again.
Sorry, I'm a little bitter here. This just happened to me, so yeah. Seriously, though, give me an honest answer, I'd like to know.
Terribly long story about the how and why, etc... Looking back, not too proud of that time for a variety of reasons. Really, it wasn't so much about the relationship, or her, but a bunch of crap I was going through at the time. "It's not you, it's me!" :)
Now that I've "grown up" a bit more, it really bugs me seeing guys treat their girls like that. I may have trouble articulating where our relationship is going, or just how I feel about it. But if I'm with someone, it's 'cause that's where I want to be.
I've since learned that it's about respect. If I'm with someone, I owe it to her to let her know if I think it's not working out. There's a fine line between just plain confused and conflicted, and holding back what needs to be said.
(BTW, with me, most of the conflict is usually based on fear. The whole commitment-phobia thing, for one. Letting people "in.") Not generally so much about whether I should leave a relationship, but more along the lines of: "Oh,
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You can take my hope when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)
Well, I guess that's honest.
And I hope this doesn't offend you, but my ex said many things along the lines of "I owe it to my partner to tell her if it's not working out" and the like; he claimed honesty and directness were important to him. Want to know what he did? He stopped calling me and after a couple weeks wrote me an e-mail telling me that he couldn't be with me anymore. His "reasoning" was so half-assed it couldn't stand up straight, and I don't think I have to tell you that I have never, ever been so angry. I won't go into it all here because my post would get too long.
So it's well and good that you can say you've learned and it's about respect and all; but too many people in this world (people of both genders, I admit) just don't walk their talk. I hope you do.
Here's a related question; if you're just confused or have a lot of go se happening, why can't you just say so? Why can't you ask for help getting through it from someone who is supposed to be your partner? I'm sorry, but that just seems very... well, dumb. I like having people in my life I can turn to; I would never push someone away for reasons that had nothing to do with them. Really, it seems dumb. Does the male brain work differently here? Is there any reason for it? Really, this is helpful. Be honest with me, men!
*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.
Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.
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I think for a lot of us guys, emotions knock us over. Our brains literally go into neutral. I once had a girl telling me that they were feeling a strong attraction and yet I didn't work out what they meant until 5 minutes after the conversation had finished.
Mal put it quite nicely, Inara "fogs things up". Even though Mal is a straight forward 'if the wind blows North, that's where he goes' kind of guy, that woman makes him lose his sense of direction, even if he didn't steer with it anyway.
I don't want to say too much about my girl but she does that to me. Sends me spinning. Makes me pulse soar, just by the look on her face.
Best feeling in the world.
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PhoenixRose,
Glad to see you!
I think most men are guilty of having ended a relationship without a complete, thorough explanation of why things did not work out. However, I have had one or two females do the same to me. This mostly happens through high school and into college, although there are some men out there who keep it up all their lives. There does come a time in some relationships where the best thing to do is get the hell out,preferably right now. Even this deserves some explanation...I do agree that an email was NOT the best way to handle a break up.
Yes, males are wired differently. We generally don't like to muddy up a relationship with a lot of minor problems. If we are confused, we generally don't know that we are supposed to talk about it 
, that is why we are confused!
Seriously, though, I can't speak for all males, but there are times when I just need to work out a problem for myself. I am sure the same goes for you. What this means is I don't want to talk about it. I am not mad at you, there is nothing wrong with us, I just need to work some things out. That last statment used to cause a lot of trouble for me, and it may have set you off, too. I have learned NOT TO USE that statment anymore!
It also helps if we are in a relationship wherein we completely trust our partner. Trust goes a long wat to loosening our tongues and allowing us to let you into our problems. A fully trusting relationship is hard to come by, but they are wonderful when they happen.
Damn, can't believe I typed all that out...hope that helps, or if it raises more questions, please let me know, I will answer the best I can.
Holding until you get back, Captain.
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Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Things that annoy me about men? They (generally) are not in touch with how they feel or why.
hi, let me take a shot at this.... First, let me ask if you or anyone here has seen or heard of Rob Becker's 'Defending the Caveman'?.. In fact, i haven't seen his show myself, but was told about it by some friends who caught a performance in Dallas... and i've read a few reviews - here's a quote from Variety....
For ninety minutes, Becker proceeds, with compassion as well as humor, to outline the idea that there are real reasons for our differences, possibly even genetic reasons whose origins are buried in the millennia of human evolution; and instead of judging the opposite sex according to one's own gender based standards, it is possible to recognize the differences and accept them without hostile judgment. - Leslie Bennetts
i bring this up because i think he touches on the subject of the differences in the nature of men and women.... and maybe there is something to the idea that the sexes have evolved along different and distinct paths of what each feels is their role in life. The man feels it is his purpose to provide and defend (usually in a somewhat stoic and unconsolatory manner - that is, his actions speak louder than words..)
And the woman tends to be nurturing and inquisitive...
Ok, i'm more than likely way off base here, and please don't read anything into this before i can fully explain my thought,(and this is just a thought i've had while reading the posts on this subject)....I do know men who are very in touch with their emotions, they are sensitive to the emotions of others and very open about expressing their feelings... Know what..those men are gay. Please don't misunderstand me when i say that. I'm not saying it in a disrespectful manner. It comes from my own experience. I'm a heterosexual man. I do, however, have friends who are homosexual and in fact, one of my best friends from childhood struggled with his own idenity until he was almost 20. I can tell you that he is one of the best men I know today.
The point i'm trying to make (and badly, i'm afraid), is that perhaps the genetic makeup of the different sexes plays some part in how men and women deal with each other.
sorry for the length of this response... i thought twice before posting it and then decided that at least it might stir the conversation a bit..
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SimonWho's, Dayve's and Tristan's responses are pretty apt, I think.
LOL, I'm sitting here trying to think of a way to describe it, and I still can't get it all untangled in a meaningful way :) Can't say it's a universal trait for all guys, just my own personal experience.
Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
if you're just confused or have a lot of go se happening, why can't you just say so? Why can't you ask for help getting through it from someone who is supposed to be your partner? I'm sorry, but that just seems very... well, dumb. I like having people in my life I can turn to; I would never push someone away for reasons that had nothing to do with them. Really, it seems dumb. Does the male brain work differently here? Is there any reason for it? Really, this is helpful. Be honest with me, men!
To an extent: it's nice and safe inside my "shell." Being alone with my problems is still a type of pain, but at least it's one I know, and there's a measure of comfort there. Sticking my head out, metaphorically, invites the unknown, and that's scary.
Also, it's a survival instinct to act like everything is okay when it isn't? I open up to someone about my problems, that'd be admitting something was wrong. Again, that would mean stepping out of my "comfort zone." :)
Hmm... guess that's about as close as I can get to explaining it. Again, can't speak to the gender as a whole, just speaking from where I come from.
I hope I don't repeat the pattern again, be an ass-hat and just run away. But that just adds to the baggage, as well. I spend too much time worrying, and I'll be right back doing the same things in my current relationship. (Gorramn it, now I think I'd better bring my girlfriend some flowers tomorrow, and try to be a little more communicative :)
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You can take my hope when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)
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