To be or Not to Be THAT is the Question...
POSTED BY: RiveR6213
UPDATED: Sunday, April 9, 2006 14:26
VIEWED: 29919
PAGE 16 of 17
Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
So you like Cameron's stuff, cool.
Now do what I said and get Dark Angel (Cameron co-wrote the series pilot, and directed the final ep of the second, and final season). I'll bet you the price of the set that you'll like it.
I don't know if you can sense it, but compared to the posts before you accidently shot yourself(!), you sound SO much better.
Thank the Lords of Kobol.
Pssst: Don't talk to Citizen, he's a REAL looney tune. Plus he doesn't even know his partially hydrogenated oil-filled peanut butters!
Chrisisall, happy you're back
Chrisiall,
You will be happy to know that I just ordered all of the Dark Angels DVDs. I should get them in about a day or so, and i will watch them all I promise. You keep mentioning them to me, so it must be a good show. Since I don't have the new Battlestar Galactica to watch, I need to fill the gap with something, and I will have a lot of time on my hands (or at least one of them) to watch them. I hope I'm gonna enjoy this!
River
P.S. Citizen's gonna kick your
for saying that!
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Quote:
Originally posted by vaughn28:
River,
Your original question and most of what you have posted on this thread has been in my mind all day. I feel for you and all you are going through.
I'm nobody you know, but I do care for you.
You said somewhere in this thread that most people have kids and spouses, etc. that they live for. In a way, yes, that is why I get up each morning and live my day.
But also I honestly believe that I have a purpose. I know it sounds cheesy, but my purpose is to touch as many lives as I can and do as much good for others as is possible.
Yeah, it's cheesy. What's not cheesy is that it is MY purpose, one I chose, one I created and define each and every day. I get up each and every day and refuse to put a bullet in my brain because this life is MINE.
Action is the antidote to despair. If there is something you don't like in your life, CHANGE IT! Each and every one of us has the power to make our lives what we want it to be.
What do you have to lose? Obviously you are not worried about losing your life, so go for it! Take the risk, make the leap, do something radical. It is YOUR life. You can do what you want with it.
Oh, and buy a dog. Or a cat. Maybe a ferret. Get something cute and fuzzy that will just love you for you. It's cheesy, I know, but you said it yourself, most people get up each day to go take care of someone else.
There is a reason why you missed your head. It may take you ten years to find it out, but it's there.
And the world needs more vocal people out there to rattle everyone else's cages. We need you.
Yours truly no one you know,
vaughn
P.S. I'm a Jiff Mom
"Choosy Mother's choose JIFF"
I heard that like 10 times today! I was trying to watch those day time soaps and every commercial was a JIFF commercial!
In order to change things I have to 1st know what it is that needs changing. I fear that I might have to go as far as a total character make-over which means destroying the Glenda-that-is and replacing her with another model. But what that new model will I don’t know, but anything is better than me right now. I’m mean look at all of my posts...I just noticed it. Are you aware how many times I say “I” and “me?” I’m so self-centered, so egotistical, so full of myself. Since when did I become so fraking important? This behavior has to go…it really does. The world is not about me.
Change? Yes I need, and want to change. I have to change. Look at that, here “I” go again.
You are right Vaugh28 action is what is needed here and I’m in the process of doing something about it.
Wow! You thought about something I said all day? (See, here I go again thinking I’m at the center of the ‘verse) I guess I do shoot my mouth off, and I (“I” again) never really learned to shut up.
With that, I thank you for your kind words, and your advice. I’ve always wanted a dog, but was too busy to take care of one. I need to take care of something, and a dog is needy enough that it will give me something to do.
River
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Hi River,
River you don't need to remake Glenda, you just need to fall in love again. You are an intelligent, interesting and beautiful woman. You just have to let someone into your world. Let them touch your heart--- then you will find laughter, friendship, fun, silliness, and hope again.
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Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Browncoat1,
Thanks for that!
My moods are shifting faster than I can keep up! I'm in a depressive cycle right now. This morning I was feeling a little hopeful. Anyway thanks for saying all of that...it does help me focus, and its something I DO need to hear right now. I wish my suicide had been successful, but it wasn’t, and I have to live with that. I'm not going to try that again, so that leaves me with the option of living until some natural cause takes me down, or I get hit by a car driven by some thoughtless person who's talking on a cell phone and didn’t see me crossing the street but until then...here I am.
A fresh start? I'm not even sure where to begin, but I know I can't live my life the way that I've been living it for the past 6 years. It’s such a cold life, a lonely life devoid of anything warm. It’s such a mechanical life empty of love, laughter, friendship, fun, silliness, and hope. I have to remind myself that I created this life, and I created it so I could be safe, but I don't feel safe. I created a gilded cage and here I sit in the middle of it. Mission accomplished.
I have to find a way to really want to be here. Not a fake-it-until-you-make-it scenario, which brings me to the point of the subject of my original post called: I don’t care what you believe, just believe! I knew that there would come a day that I was so miserable and so unhappy that I would do just about anything to bring a measure of peace in my life, and here it is! I used to be a Christian a long time ago. I was a Christian because that family that rescued me instilled that in me. They were so nice and they prayed all the time, so I did too. Later in life when I was busy carving out my empire, I dropped the whole Christianity bit because I viewed it as lacking, and then I started to believe that, and then I became totally anti-Christian later on because it made me feel superior. And look at the result. I’m alone, I was suicidal. I lost faith in everything including myself. I started drinking heavily. I started viewing humans in general as a waste of time, and I had contempt for the entire world and wanted it to be destroyed. This is the state of mind of someone that is not connected, or balanced in any way. I guess my point is, that out of self-preservation, I’m considering prayer to save what’s left of my state of mind…it’s my only hope I think.
Anyway, I'm thankful that you guys are talking to me about all of this...helping me sort it out, helping me get some balance, and offering possible options. I am very grateful.
River
Well, that is the first step River, the attempt was not successful & is behind you now. Now you have to focus on getting your life in order and making it one that is positive, enjoyable & one worth living. Having positive and caring people in your life will help you to put the pieces back together.
Yep, a fresh start. Not many people are lucky enough to get one of those. A cold life without love, emotion, joy, friends or family is not really a life but merely existing. Life is meant to be lived, not just an automatic function like breathing. Just as you created the life that lead you to want to end it, you can reshape your life now to make it one that fills you with happiness and love.
Just believe. We all need belief. Belief in something greater than ourselves. Some find it in religion, some in family, some in one cause or another, but the fact is they find something to believe in. I'm not saying religion is what you need River, it could be that it is. I am not a religious person, but I respect others for their beliefs. Perhaps you should talk to some of the Christian browncoats here on the board & take it slow. It could be that the power of prayer will help to heal you and get you on the right path to rebuilding your life. Just believe. That is where it starts.
You are already part of the way there. You know you need something in your life. You just need to determine what it is you want. You h
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Makeovers take time River. And no, you don't need to make over you, you need to make over what is making you miserable.
I think what is important is just that you take the first step towards doing it. It doesn't have to all be redone overnight. Baby steps...but steps. You need to feel accomplishment and worth. Each day accomplish something, even if it's just rewatching Firefly.
And River, you are the center of your own universe. It doesn't mean you are egotistical, it means you care about you. That is a good step.
I myself have been to the brink of that abyss known as suicide. But I recognized I didn't want to die, I wanted the pain and confusion to end. I took a step away from the abyss. Each day I wake up and ask myself "Am I going to live today or am I going to die? Live...okay then I am going to do my best at it!" Yes, I'm a damn perky overachiever type.
Dogs are fun! Get one! They will love you for being you.
Prayer is good...but don't do it alone. Go find a church. No, I'm not christian, but the one's I know say that praying with others is fun.
It takes time. Give yourself the time. Have patience and understanding with yourself.
vaughn
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Quote:There's a severe gear shift between season one and two, so be prepared.
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
You will be happy to know that I just ordered all of the Dark Angels DVDs.
P.S. Citizen's gonna kick your
Let me know how you like it when you start seein' it.
Citizen can't kick my
just now; I owe him money for using his patented phrase 'Digital Age Feudalism'...OOOPS!Now I owe him double....
Chrisisall
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Hey, River! Sorry it took me so long to get back to this thread. I'm glad that your still kickin'!
You're welcome on my boat. God ain't.
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Quote:
Originally posted by reaverman:
Hey, River! Sorry it took me so long to get back to this thread. I'm glad that your still kickin'!
You're welcome on my boat. God ain't.
Hi Reaver!
I just woke up and am eating a Liverwurst sandwhich and watching the news. I seem to be sleeping more than I should. How are you? I hope things are fine.
River
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Quote:
Originally posted by BrownCoat1:Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Browncoat1,
Thanks for that!
My moods are shifting faster than I can keep up! I'm in a depressive cycle right now. This morning I was feeling a little hopeful. Anyway thanks for saying all of that...it does help me focus, and its something I DO need to hear right now. I wish my suicide had been successful, but it wasn’t, and I have to live with that. I'm not going to try that again, so that leaves me with the option of living until some natural cause takes me down, or I get hit by a car driven by some thoughtless person who's talking on a cell phone and didn’t see me crossing the street but until then...here I am.
A fresh start? I'm not even sure where to begin, but I know I can't live my life the way that I've been living it for the past 6 years. It’s such a cold life, a lonely life devoid of anything warm. It’s such a mechanical life empty of love, laughter, friendship, fun, silliness, and hope. I have to remind myself that I created this life, and I created it so I could be safe, but I don't feel safe. I created a gilded cage and here I sit in the middle of it. Mission accomplished.
I have to find a way to really want to be here. Not a fake-it-until-you-make-it scenario, which brings me to the point of the subject of my original post called: I don’t care what you believe, just believe! I knew that there would come a day that I was so miserable and so unhappy that I would do just about anything to bring a measure of peace in my life, and here it is! I used to be a Christian a long time ago. I was a Christian because that family that rescued me instilled that in me. They were so nice and they prayed all the time, so I did too. Later in life when I was busy carving out my empire, I dropped the whole Christianity bit because I viewed it as lacking, and then I started to believe that, and then I became totally anti-Christian later on because it made me feel superior. And look at the result. I’m alone, I was suicidal. I lost faith in everything including myself. I started drinking heavily. I started viewing humans in general as a waste of time, and I had contempt for the entire world and wanted it to be destroyed. This is the state of mind of someone that is not connected, or balanced in any way. I guess my point is, that out of self-preservation, I’m considering prayer to save what’s left of my state of mind…it’s my only hope I think.
Anyway, I'm thankful that you guys are talking to me about all of this...helping me sort it out, helping me get some balance, and offering possible options. I am very grateful.
River
Well, that is the first step River, the attempt was not successful & is behind you now. Now you have to focus on getting your life in order and making it one that is positive, enjoyable & one worth living. Having positive and caring people in your life will help you to put the pieces back together.
Yep, a fresh start. Not many people are lucky enough to get one of those. A cold life without love, emotion, joy, friends or family is not really a life but merely existing. Life is meant to be lived, not just an automatic function like breathing. Just as you created the life that lead you to want to end it, you can reshape your life now to make it one that fills you with happiness and love.
Just believe. We all need belief. Belief in something greater than ourselves. Some find it in religion, some in family, some in one cause or another, but the fact is they find something to believe in. I'm not saying religion is what you need River, it could be that it is. I am not a religious person, but I respect others for their beliefs. Perhaps you should talk to some of the Christian browncoats here on the board & take it slow. It could be that the power of prayer will help to heal you and get you on the right path to rebuilding your life. Just believe. That is where it starts.
You are already part of the way there. You know you need something in your life. You justNOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME