To be or Not to Be THAT is the Question...
POSTED BY: RiveR6213
UPDATED: Sunday, April 9, 2006 14:26
VIEWED: 29919
PAGE 15 of 17
Quote:
Originally posted by citizen:Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Next time I'll throw myself in front of a train if this is what it takes.
Don't do that! It's all fun and games until someone ends up splattered over the 08:20 intercity and people end up late for work.Quote:
Oh, so you are going to occasionally talk to the crazy person? This is a good thing, but as for yourself…you are anything but crazy and the choosy mothers of JIFF tend to agree with me on this particular point.
*puts underpants on his head and pencils up his nose*
Wibble!
How about now?
Who in the sphincter of hell are the mothers of JIFF?Quote:
Titanic? LoL! Titanic was a good movie and I loved it. So what if it was an overly dramatic film?
It was more turning pretty much the worst maritime disasters in history where thousands died, into a love story. A fairly cliche and lame love story.
I mean really, they're on a ship that's sinking where thousands died, do we really need some nut case running around with a gun to give the story some drama and peril?
I personally think A Night to Remember ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051994/ ) is better, despite being black and white and made in the fifties.
I have a copy of “A Night to Remember" and yes, it is better than the new Titanic, and yes they did turn the new Titanic into a love story, which served as a great distraction from the true horror of the movie. But I’m a sucker for a love story. The only time the love story angle failed completely to grab me was in the remake of Pearl Harbor with Ben Affleck. Tora, Tora, Tora is still my all time Pearl Harbor movie.
I guess you haven’t watched very many America commercials. There is this one commercial selling a particular brand of peanut butter called JIFF. Their little lingo is “Choosy Mother’s Choose JIFF” They play this commercial all the time to the point where it makes you want to choke. They seem to only play this commercial during day time television hours. Since I’m haven’t been to work in a while, I get to watch day time TV. I guess this commercial is aimed at all of those housewives who are at home taking care of screaming kids.
River
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Fair enough. Not many people would rate Bad Taste, which I happen to think was one of the funniest films ever made. It's Peter Jackson's first film, real low budget, cost about $(NZ)1000 and is about a group of space Aliens from an Intergalactic fast food company called Crumbs Country delights, searching for the next big taste sensation to hit the universe.
It happens to be Humans. Also has one of the best lines from a film: "Can't do that Frank, I'm a Derrick, Derricks don't run."
High-larious. I imagine normal people would find it disturbing, but they're boring.
I don't see many US mind control, erm I mean Commercials becauseI'm a dirty Brit.
More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity. But I know none, and therefore am no beast.
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Quote:
Originally posted by BrownCoat1:Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Well, for all of those who are interested, I made it back. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but here I am.
River
Definitely a good thing River. You had us worried. It is good to have you home.
I am glad that your attempt failed. You failed for a reason. I am not one to impose my beliefs on anyone, but I will simply say that you were not meant to die so you are still here. I think you should look upon this as a chance at a fresh start. Put all of these thoughts of suicide out of your mind and focus on healing. You have friends here and people who are willing to listen, to try to help you. I'm no professional, but I am told I am a really good listener. I imagine I am not the only one here.
If you want to talk, go right ahead, we'll listen. If you want advise we can offer it, but only if you want it. No one is going to judge you or push you to do anything you don't want to.
My best friend committed suicide when I was in high school. I have suffered bouts of depression that would make a goth seem like a bubbly, chipper person, and like many I have considered suicide. I never went down that road. Let's just say it is not in my nature. Being Scottish I am just too damn stubborn to die. I'd rather fight and spit in the eye of whatever is bothering me than to give in to it.
If you need us we are here. Just remember you have friends, family really, here on this site. We browncoats stick together & we look out for our own.
Just keep flyin' River. That's what matters.
__________________________________________
"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."
Richmond, VA & surrounding area Firefly Fans:
http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/richmondbrowncoats/
http://www.richmondbrowncoats.org
Thank you for that Browncoat1!
Sorry about your best friend.
If you have a bunch of people in your life, then suicide is a completly selfish thing to do, but if you have no friends or no family...no one you feel you love or they love you, then suicide is an easy decision to come to.
I thank all of you who are talking to me right now. I really need this. It makes me feel somewhat "normal" if you can understand what I mean by that. I don't know HOW I managed to not kill myself. I was so determined! You have to understand the weirdness of all of this. I practice at a gun range a lot in the past. I know about HOW certain guns have shock and recoil when you pull the trigger. I still don't understand how I managed to get myself in the shoulder...it doesnt make sense, but my shoulder is a mess and I'm not kidding when I said that. I won't have use of my arm and hand for awhile. And its going to be difficult to explain this to people later on.
If there is a god then this god is seriously fraking with me right now, but I really don't know what to do about it. I have to first dig myself out of this new mess I've put myself in, and I also have to convince certain people that the whole gun issue was an accident, and then 2nd, I think I better get to work on finding reasons to be useful in this world, or at least finding people I can love and trust. There seems to be a boatload of the latter right here on this board, so I might not have to look very hard..who really knows? Typing with one hand really is annoying!
River
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Double post. Sorry!
River
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Bad Taste is good, but Brain-dead never fails to rock my jocks off!
There is nothing more hilarious then watching a priest yell at the top of his lungs:
"I KICK ARSE LORD!!"
Before repeatedly booting a zombies head in.
And if you folks like that, have you ever seen "Staplerfahrer Klaus?"
It's a spoof of those on-the-job safety videos, the whole thing is in German but the language doesn't really matter.
http://www.jasonlefkowitz.net/blog1archive/2004/05/staplerfahrer_k.htm
l
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So you like Cameron's stuff, cool.
Now do what I said and get Dark Angel (Cameron co-wrote the series pilot, and directed the final ep of the second, and final season). I'll bet you the price of the set that you'll like it.
I don't know if you can sense it, but compared to the posts before you accidently shot yourself(!), you sound SO much better.
Thank the Lords of Kobol 
.
Pssst: Don't talk to Citizen, he's a REAL looney tune. Plus he doesn't even know his partially hydrogenated oil-filled peanut butters!
Chrisisall, happy you're back
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River,
Here's a quote that helps me through the day :
" Isn't sanity a one trick pony , anyway ? I mean all you get is one trick,rational thinking! But when you're good and crazy....oohh hoo hooo ..the sky's the limit !"- The Tick
I find that being able to laugh is great medicine for the soul.Try watching some comedies during your recovery.
You are very right by the way, we are here to help each other.
And I also liked Titanic.The details in that movie always get to me.
Bryce
********************************************
I swallowed a bug.
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Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Thank you for that Browncoat1!
You are most certainly welcome! What are browncoats (and friends) for?
Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Sorry about your best friend.
I appreciate that River. It was a long time ago.
Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
If you have a bunch of people in your life, then suicide is a completly selfish thing to do, but if you have no friends or no family...no one you feel you love or they love you, then suicide is an easy decision to come to.
I agree that suicide if you have friends & family is a bit selfish, but I respectfully disagree that few or no friends, family or loved ones makes suicide a viable option. How do you know that you will not have a loved one or friends in your near future? Wouldn't suicide cheat you and them of that love and relationship?
Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
I thank all of you who are talking to me right now. I really need this. It makes me feel somewhat "normal" if you can understand what I mean by that. I don't know HOW I managed to not kill myself. I was so determined! You have to understand the weirdness of all of this. I practice at a gun range a lot in the past. I know about HOW certain guns have shock and recoil when you pull the trigger. I still don't understand how I managed to get myself in the shoulder...it doesnt make sense, but my shoulder is a mess and I'm not kidding when I said that. I won't have use of my arm and hand for awhile. And its going to be difficult to explain this to people later on.
If there is a god then this god is seriously fraking with me right now, but I really don't know what to do about it. I have to first dig myself out of this new mess I've put myself in, and I also have to convince certain people that the whole gun issue was an accident, and then 2nd, I think I better get to work on finding reasons to be useful in this world, or at least finding people I can love and trust. There seems to be a boatload of the latter right here on this board, so I might not have to look very hard..who really knows? Typing with one hand really is annoying!
Like I said, I don't push my beliefs on anyone, but obviously you were not meant to die. To me that says it is not your time. Consider it a karmic push in the right direction by the universe. Like Book said, it doesn't matter what you believe, just believe. In this case the power behind the failure does not matter so much as the fact that you failed and are still with us. Think on this as a second chance and make the most of it my friend.
You will get past all the mess you are in now. You have friends here who will help however we can and who will support you in this tough time. I would take advantage of that support network to help get me through this spot. You need to talk, vent or anything else, we are here.
__________________________________________
"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."
Richmond, VA & surrounding area Firefly Fans:
http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/richmondbrowncoats/
http://www.richmondbrowncoats.org
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River,
Your original question and most of what you have posted on this thread has been in my mind all day. I feel for you and all you are going through.
I'm nobody you know, but I do care for you.
You said somewhere in this thread that most people have kids and spouses, etc. that they live for. In a way, yes, that is why I get up each morning and live my day.
But also I honestly believe that I have a purpose. I know it sounds cheesy, but my purpose is to touch as many lives as I can and do as much good for others as is possible.
Yeah, it's cheesy. What's not cheesy is that it is MY purpose, one I chose, one I created and define each and every day. I get up each and every day and refuse to put a bullet in my brain because this life is MINE.
Action is the antidote to despair. If there is something you don't like in your life, CHANGE IT! Each and every one of us has the power to make our lives what we want it to be.
What do you have to lose? Obviously you are not worried about losing your life, so go for it! Take the risk, make the leap, do something radical. It is YOUR life. You can do what you want with it.
Oh, and buy a dog. Or a cat. Maybe a ferret. Get something cute and fuzzy that will just love you for you. It's cheesy, I know, but you said it yourself, most people get up each day to go take care of someone else.
There is a reason why you missed your head. It may take you ten years to find it out, but it's there.
And the world needs more vocal people out there to rattle everyone else's cages. We need you.
Yours truly no one you know,
vaughn
P.S. I'm a Jiff Mom
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Quote:
Originally posted by BrownCoat1:Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Thank you for that Browncoat1!
You are most certainly welcome! What are browncoats (and friends) for?Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
Sorry about your best friend.
I appreciate that River. It was a long time ago.Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
If you have a bunch of people in your life, then suicide is a completly selfish thing to do, but if you have no friends or no family...no one you feel you love or they love you, then suicide is an easy decision to come to.
I agree that suicide if you have friends & family is a bit selfish, but I respectfully disagree that few or no friends, family or loved ones makes suicide a viable option. How do you know that you will not have a loved one or friends in your near future? Wouldn't suicide cheat you and them of that love and relationship?Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:
I thank all of you who are talking to me right now. I really need this. It makes me feel somewhat "normal" if you can understand what I mean by that. I don't know HOW I managed to not kill myself. I was so determined! You have to understand the weirdness of all of this. I practice at a gun range a lot in the past. I know about HOW certain guns have shock and recoil when you pull the trigger. I still don't understand how I managed to get myself in the shoulder...it doesnt make sense, but my shoulder is a mess and I'm not kidding when I said that. I won't have use of my arm and hand for awhile. And its going to be difficult to explain this to people later on.
If there is a god then this god is seriously fraking with me right now, but I really don't know what to do about it. I have to first dig myself out of this new mess I've put myself in, and I also have to convince certain people that the whole gun issue was an accident, and then 2nd, I think I better get to work on finding reasons to be useful in this world, or at least finding people I can love and trust. There seems to be a boatload of the latter right here on this board, so I might not have to look very hard..who really knows? Typing with one hand really is annoying!
Like I said, I don't push my beliefs on anyone, but obviously you were not meant to die. To me that says it is not your time. Consider it a karmic push in the right direction by the universe. Like Book said, it doesn't matter what you believe, just believe. In this case the power behind the failure does not matter so much as the fact that you failed and are still with us. Think on this as a second chance and make the most of it my friend.
You will get past all the mess you are in now. You have friends here who will help however we can and who will support you in this tough time. I would take advantage of that support network to help get me through this spot. You need to talk, vent or anything else, we are here.
__________________________________________
Browncoat1,
Thanks for that!
My moods are shifting faster than I can keep up! I'm in a depressive cycle right now. This morning I was feeling a little hopeful. Anyway thanks for saying all of that...it does help me focus, and its something I DO need to hear right now. I wish my suicide had been successful, but it wasn’t, and I have to live with that. I'm not going to try that again, so that leaves me with the option of living until some natural cause takes me down, or I get hit by a car driven by some thoughtless person who's talking on a cell phone and didn’t see me crossing the street but until then...here I am.
A fresh start? I'm not even sure where to begin, but I know I can't live my life the way that I've been living it for the past 6 years. It’s such a cold life, a lonely life devoid of anything warm. It’s such a mechanical life empty of love, laughter, friendship, fun, silliness, and hope. I have to remind myself that I created this life, and I created it so I could be safe, but
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