General Discussions

To be or Not to Be THAT is the Question...

POSTED BY: RiveR6213
UPDATED: Sunday, April 9, 2006 14:26
VIEWED: 29919
PAGE 5 of 17

SISTERBETTYX

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 11:42 PM

You take yourself to seriously. Give the finger to everyone and do what you want honey.

“I don’t know. This here’s a spectacle might warrant a moment’s consideration.”

OTMA

Thursday, March 23, 2006 2:13 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:

I never throw any material thing away. I collect everything, even things I nolonger want. I guess people are more expendable than material items. Thats rather funny and insane when you think about it.
My family and friends don't matter, or mean anything to me. I don't love them. They say they love me, but I don't need them. Relations with them offer myself nothing. The jewelry is something that looks attractive even if it represents a religion that I find somewhat...lacking. I still wear them because it is habit, and some habits are hard to break.

You will find that there are many thing things about me that is contradictory: I like the night, I hate the dark. I love you means I hate you. I wish to kill you but I want to save you. God loves me God hates me. And as usual, I have no one to blame for this...no one at all. It would be grand to be able to point at someone and say "This is all your fault, not mine" But its my fault, but the good side of it is that I know now what sort of creature I am. I know who's responsible for all of this.

I used to believe that everyone had some value as a human being. I used to believe that all people were worth saving. Now I do know the truth. Some people are worthless and are fully deserving of the title "Trash" a complete waste of life. I'm one of these people. The odd part is that it took me 44 years to learn this. I knew I was slow, but this is Ridiculous. I have prolonged my Existence way past the red line. I shouldnt even be here, but since I'm a chickens shit, this is going to take more time than I thought to snuff out this insane life that I lead. I have to have hope that I will be successful in the end.

Reality is when you find yourself in a chat room, telling everyone you are going to take your life. This has got to be the most unintelligent thing I've ever done in my whole life, and it also sums up just how far down the hole I've gone. past the point of no return, but, there are worse ways to make a fool of yourself, so I might as well count myself as lucky.

The River Falls

I don't know what kind of hell you're in. I don't know why you're there or what it feels like. I don't believe you only have one way out.
Why am I posting here? People all over the world who I've never met are living in various hells. Every day, some of them drop off for good without me noticing. It's not smart for me to be here. I don't know what to tell you. I can't reach out and fix your problems. Ai yah tien ah! I'm here because knowing changes everything. I know you're out there now. I can't pretend I don't. I won't believe you are worthless. Maybe you have damn good reasons to be depressed about yourself. I just hope you'll find something to hold on to. I don't really know you, I probably don't live in your hometown, probably won't ever meet you, don't have one single material thing to gain from you being around . . .but I honestly do care how this turns out. It might not be smart for me to care, but it's right.
You can end the rut your life is in without ending the life itself. I wish I could tell you how, but I don't know you well enough. You're smiling in that picture, though. I suppose not every smile is sincere, but I'll go with the idea it was, and that some part of you has to remember what it was like.
I'm glad you didn't stop posting today.
The cross is a much older and more widespread symbol than christianity. You can make yours mean whatever you want it to.
I think most people are contradictory in some way.
Just why is it you think you have so little value?

CHRISISALL

Thursday, March 23, 2006 4:01 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:

The River Falls

Your creative change of signature suggests to me that you're here to stay for a while.

Think back to when you were 10 years old. Are you angry at that little girl for not killing herself, thus creating your horrible tenure on this planet?

Think about a possibly happy future you looking back at this very time and thinking "Wow, I was really wrapped up in that self-absorbed misery back then, I'm glad I was able to drop that (Or I never would have seen Serenity Resurrection: The Fall of the Alliance)".

It's all about perception. Trick yourself into believing that you're happy, just for an instant. Then do it again. Then again....

Just believe Chrisisall

SISTERBETTYX

Thursday, March 23, 2006 6:18 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:

The River Falls
Quote:
Your creative change of signature suggests to me that you're here to stay for a while.

Think back to when you were 10 years old. Are you angry at that little girl for not killing herself, thus creating your horrible tenure on this planet?

Think about a possibly happy future you looking back at this very time and thinking "Wow, I was really wrapped up in that self-absorbed misery back then, I'm glad I was able to drop that (Or I never would have seen Serenity Resurrection: The Fall of the Alliance)".

It's all about perception. Trick yourself into believing that you're happy, just for an instant. Then do it again. Then again....

Just believe Chrisisall

You listen to him River6213. It's all about perception, and choice. It's all about what YOU want.

“I don’t know. This here’s a spectacle might warrant a moment’s consideration.”

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RIVER6213

Friday, March 24, 2006 5:44 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by otma:
Quote:
Originally posted by RiveR6213:

I never throw any material thing away. I collect everything, even things I nolonger want. I guess people are more expendable than material items. Thats rather funny and insane when you think about it.
My family and friends don't matter, or mean anything to me. I don't love them. They say they love me, but I don't need them. Relations with them offer myself nothing. The jewelry is something that looks attractive even if it represents a religion that I find somewhat...lacking. I still wear them because it is habit, and some habits are hard to break.

You will find that there are many thing things about me that is contradictory: I like the night, I hate the dark. I love you means I hate you. I wish to kill you but I want to save you. God loves me God hates me. And as usual, I have no one to blame for this...no one at all. It would be grand to be able to point at someone and say "This is all your fault, not mine" But its my fault, but the good side of it is that I know now what sort of creature I am. I know who's responsible for all of this.

I used to believe that everyone had some value as a human being. I used to believe that all people were worth saving. Now I do know the truth. Some people are worthless and are fully deserving of the title "Trash" a complete waste of life. I'm one of these people. The odd part is that it took me 44 years to learn this. I knew I was slow, but this is Ridiculous. I have prolonged my Existence way past the red line. I shouldnt even be here, but since I'm a chickens shit, this is going to take more time than I thought to snuff out this insane life that I lead. I have to have hope that I will be successful in the end.

Reality is when you find yourself in a chat room, telling everyone you are going to take your life. This has got to be the most unintelligent thing I've ever done in my whole life, and it also sums up just how far down the hole I've gone. past the point of no return, but, there are worse ways to make a fool of yourself, so I might as well count myself as lucky.

The River Falls

I don't know what kind of hell you're in. I don't know why you're there or what it feels like. I don't believe you only have one way out.
Why am I posting here? People all over the world who I've never met are living in various hells. Every day, some of them drop off for good without me noticing. It's not smart for me to be here. I don't know what to tell you. I can't reach out and fix your problems. Ai yah tien ah! I'm here because knowing changes everything. I know you're out there now. I can't pretend I don't. I won't believe you are worthless. Maybe you have damn good reasons to be depressed about yourself. I just hope you'll find something to hold on to. I don't really know you, I probably don't live in your hometown, probably won't ever meet you, don't have one single material thing to gain from you being around . . .but I honestly do care how this turns out. It might not be smart for me to care, but it's right.
You can end the rut your life is in without ending the life itself. I wish I could tell you how, but I don't know you well enough. You're smiling in that picture, though. I suppose not every smile is sincere, but I'll go with the idea it was, and that some part of you has to remember what it was like.
I'm glad you didn't stop posting today.
The cross is a much older and more widespread symbol than christianity. You can make yours mean whatever you want it to.
I think most people are contradictory in some way.
Just why is it you think you have so little value?

To answer your question I have to give you a story.
No one gives a damn about me or my personal life, but to answer your question, I have to add all of this.

All of my life I was told I was going to fail. This was message was enhanced by my mother, who herself was an abused soul but a fighting spirit that was second to none. She had her mission, and that mission was to raise her chil

RIVER6213

Friday, March 24, 2006 6:22 AM

Sorry for the long thread

SISTERBETTYX

Friday, March 24, 2006 6:27 AM

That's such a heartbreaking story River. I don't know what to say to any of that except for I hope Steven Spielberg hears about this.

“I don’t know. This here’s a spectacle might warrant a moment’s consideration.”

HIXIE129

Friday, March 24, 2006 7:15 AM

I have read many of your posts in the last 2 or 3 months.

I think that the breakup with your ex-husband is the cause. He hurt you and now you want to hurt others.. To see them suffer because you have suffered, from being the victim to creating victims. Your having no interest in sex.

River you are not the only person ever betrayed in a relationship. Or has felt their heart ripped from your body. Or had it hard growing up?

The bad childhood, the kind family, your happy marriage, the breakup of the marriage = LIFE

Get laid! Spend an entire weekend doing nothing but that…. Then next week, try starting a relationship with somebody. Start slowly. If you don't feel it working, then move on to someone else. There are a few nice people on the PLANET. (I'm not saying that it will be easy to find them, but they do exist)

I really think that you need to have someone in your life NOW. GO find someone and share life for a while.

River, I did not write this to be mean. I loved when you wrote with authority and when you threw darts and daggers around.. I can't take seeing you like this. It really breaks my heart.

BTW really nice picture. Thanks

THEREALME

Friday, March 24, 2006 7:25 AM

I'm sorry, River. I'd like to give you a hug right now. And what of this family that took you in? Are you still connected with them?

It's true that the protection mechanisms sometimes outlive their usefulness or get out of control. But they don't have to rule your life.

RIVER6213

Friday, March 24, 2006 7:40 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Hixie129:

I have read many of your posts in the last 2 or 3 months.

I think that the breakup with your ex-husband is the cause. He hurt you and now you want to hurt others.. To see them suffer because you have suffered, from being the victim to creating victims. Your having no interest in sex.

River you are not the only person ever betrayed in a relationship. Or has felt their heart ripped from your body. Or had it hard growing up?

The bad childhood, the kind family, your happy marriage, the breakup of the marriage = LIFE

Get laid! Spend an entire weekend doing nothing but that…. Then next week, try starting a relationship with somebody. Start slowly. If you don't feel it working, then move on to someone else. There are a few nice people on the PLANET. (I'm not saying that it will be easy to find them, but they do exist)

I really think that you need to have someone in your life NOW. GO find someone and share life for a while.

River, I did not write this to be mean. I loved when you wrote with authority and when you threw darts and daggers around.. I can't take seeing you like this. It really breaks my heart.

BTW really nice picture. Thanks

Thanks for your kind words. I thought I was going to be ignored forever after posting that super personal post. I've learned that people don't like it when you post super personal stuff. it makes them uncomfortable.

The idea of getting laid is an alien one to me right now. If someone touched me I wouldnt know what to do and I might scream. And yes, i too hate seeing me like this and it has crumbled my heart to be so broken. I have avioded going to my company...and this is NOT a good time to do this. Things need to be taken care of, but i can't go in there like this...I just can't. I feel as though all my sheilds have been knocked out.

Age is a funny thing. You think you have everything under control and BAM! age comes in there and warps your mind. Its like all the demons that I have ever had are coming out too play. I can't handle it and I really need to die, but I have discovered recently that I do all this big talk concerning suicide, but I can't seem to go through with it....this is a problem.

Talk about screaming for help! here I sit, on a computer screaming for help...if only to be listen to and understood. So much for being the invincible machine.

Even River was stronger than this....