Daily Dose of Laughter
POSTED BY: Koffee
UPDATED: Sunday, July 20, 2003 23:30
VIEWED: 24004
PAGE 4 of 4
LOL!
Here's one vaguely reminiscent of Firefly...
During the American Civil War, a Confederate prisoner of war was kept on display in a cage at Camp Point Lookout in Maryland. He was meant to serve as a warning to others who would wage war against the United States, but everytime the commandant of the p.o.w. camp walked by, the rebel would taunt him and jeer at him. The rebel shouted things like, "We whooped you at Bull Run! We slaughtered you at Fredricksburg! We whipped you good at Gaines Mill!"
Finally, the commandant grew sick of the constant harassment and gave the rebel prisoner a choice. He could either swear allegiance to the United States of America, or he could suffer the pains and penalties of death for treason.
The rebel was no fool. He knew that it was better to be a live dog than and dead lion and took the oath. The commandant, pleased with himself, asked the newly reformed United States citizen if he had anything to say, now that he was no longer affiliated with the Confederacy.
The former rebel looked at him and said, "Boy, didn't them rebels cream us at Chicamauga?"
Viva Firefly!
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These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss;
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other;
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you;
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace;
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes;
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife;
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming;
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love you take my breath away;
What have you stepped in to smell this way.
My feelings for you no words can tell;
Except for maybe "go to hell".
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From the list of things it took me 50 years to learn...
"Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time."
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Wise thoughts....
1 ) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!
2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10) Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
13) NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room spinning-medicine.
14) I want to die in my sleep like my grandmother...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in her car.
15) God must love stupid people, he made so many. and they all work for Fox!
16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
19) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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