Daily Dose of Laughter

POSTED BY: Koffee
UPDATED: Sunday, July 20, 2003 23:30
VIEWED: 24004
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MELEE

Wednesday, June 18, 2003 12:41 AM

*dies laughing*

LERXST

Wednesday, June 18, 2003 5:56 AM

AAAAAUUUUGH! My eyes!!

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Raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry...LONESTAR!!

MANIACNUMBERONE

Wednesday, June 18, 2003 7:09 AM

ahhhhhh! that was so funny! I want bush to see those too.
I suspect they weren't sent to you though, rather, you spent the time to amuse us, and did those yer own self, huh?

SUCCATASH

Wednesday, June 18, 2003 3:42 PM

No Maniac, they came to my inbox as spam email. I don't who to give credit to for the funny pics. Since it was spam I don't feel bad about showing everyone here.

SARAHETC

Wednesday, June 18, 2003 6:38 PM

Y'all might not think this is funny, but it about did me in.

Was teaching a section of summer science camp for little kids yesterday-- 6 and 7 year olds. They were being weather reporters with me and my boss was going over how to set up a camera shot. He did a lot of bad shots (half a face, zoom on chin and such) and asked "What's wrong with this shot?"

At one point a little boy shouted, in answer "He's stinky!"

Cracked me up, at least.

How many cheks could a hawchek chek if a hawchek could chek chek?

Ha! Linguistics humor.

,
Sarah

I'm a dying breed who still believes, haunted by American dreams. ---Neko Case

KOFFEE

Thursday, June 19, 2003 10:20 AM

AS I'VE MATURED...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you
... All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
...Some people are just assholes

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
... After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others
.... They are more screwed up than you think

I've learned that you can keep vomiting
.... Long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do
.... Unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first the passion fades
.... And there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house,
.... One of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon
....And all the less important ones just never go away.

I've learned to say "F*ck 'em if they can't take a joke"
.... In 6 languages.

Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me, they'll appreciate it.

Who knows, maybe something good will happen.

If not
....Tough shit

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“It's a real burn, being right so often.”

MELEE

Thursday, June 19, 2003 2:34 PM

Hah! I will pass on those little bits of knowledge! Here's some more:

When in doubt, duck
... when certain, don't bother 'cause you're
already screwed

If at first you don't succeed, try again
... then give up, no sense in being ridiculous about it

KOFFEE

Friday, June 20, 2003 8:46 AM

Succatash, those pictures are Hi-larious!

-----------------------------------------

Our Chemical Makeup

Element Name: WOMAN

Symbol: Wo

Atomic Weight: Don't even go there!!

Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

-------------

Element Name: MAN

Symbol: Xy

Atomic Weight: 180 +/- 50

Physical Properties: Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find pure sample.

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element: child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

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“It's a real burn, being right so often.”

KOFFEE

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 11:30 AM

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered, "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

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“It's a real burn, being right so often.”

TRAGICSTORY

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 3:58 PM

Here is my crude and sexist joke:

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because they think we give a shit.

Next joke:

Dale Einhart (or insert other famous dead race car driver)dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates St. Peter gives him the keys to a Geo Metro to drive around.

Dale is noticably upset and says "I've spend my whole life as a good christian and in return I would like a Lamborgini to drive around, not a crappy Metro."

"But we are very concious of the enviornment in heaven and these get good gas milage." St. Peter answered.

Just then a long haired man in a robe flies past them in a Lamborgini.

"God damn it! That's the last straw. Some dirty hippie gets to drive my dream car and I have to ride in this POS?" Dale yelled.

St. Peter answered
"Quiet man, that's the boss' son!"

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"Societies are supported by human activity, therefore they are constantly threatened by the human facts of self-intrest and stupidity." --Peter Berger

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