Headlines that make you go 'huh.'

POSTED BY: Cybersnark
UPDATED: Wednesday, May 4, 2005 03:13
VIEWED: 5341
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CYBERSNARK

Monday, January 31, 2005 10:32 PM

Lemme insert some levity here. . .

Just logged onto Yahoo to find this in the news section:
Victims face former Ga. crematory operator
( http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=519&ncid=519&e=3&u=/ap
/20050131/ap_on_re_us/crematory_case --the "actual" headline isn't nearly as wierd-mental-image-inducing though)
(Sounds like a movie waiting to happen. Preferably starring Bruce Campbell. )

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

ZEEK

Monday, January 31, 2005 10:40 PM

Personally I'm a fan of a headline in my college newspaper. "Problem causes inconvenience" Well ya don't say?

CASUALTY

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 12:31 AM

I've got a book of the world's stupidest headlines! They are quite amuseing. Two of my favorites are,

- "Baker stabbed woman 99 times in self defence"
- "Never withold herpes infection from loved one"

They make me chuckle even now.

"If nothing we do means anything then the only thing that means anything is what we do"

MONTANAGIRL

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 12:34 AM

Ok, it's not a headline, but it went something like this: Registration fee for the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

CYBERSNARK

Friday, February 4, 2005 4:15 PM

And some new ones, courtesy of Fortean Times' "Extra Extra" section:

Panda to Promote Nature Conservation Bangkok Post, 27 Oct 03.

Satan Scores 4 for Sabres Minneapolis Star Tribune, 17 Feb 04.
(Didn't even realize he was a fan.)

Unsafe Driving Scheme Expanded Countrywide Irish Times, 19 Feb 04.
(I should pass this on to mom before she visits Ireland this year.)

Marconi Has Come Back From The Dead D.Mail, 21 Feb 04.
(Wha-huh?)

Young Germans Embrace Ants Jakarta Post, 26 Feb 04.

Cleric Accepts Temporary Body Scotsman, 27 Feb 04.
(What happened to the old one?)

Skydiver Injures Beer Vendor At Bike Week Coleslaw Wrestling Associated Press, 12 Mar 04.
(. . . The hell?)

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

THATWEIRDGIRL

Friday, February 18, 2005 5:54 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Cybersnark:
Skydiver Injures Beer Vendor At Bike Week Coleslaw Wrestling Associated Press, 12 Mar 04.
(. . . The hell?)

I was in a terrible mood today, then I read your happy little headline. I'll be laughing for hours. Thanks.

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
--Samuel Johnson

EST120

Friday, February 18, 2005 6:09 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Cybersnark:
Skydiver Injures Beer Vendor At Bike Week Coleslaw Wrestling Associated Press, 12 Mar 04.
(. . . The hell?)

that is TOO funny. that falls in the category of "strangest sentences of all time".

here are some ones that someone sent me in a e-mail:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

ANOTHERFIREFLYFAN

Sunday, February 20, 2005 4:47 PM

Those are so incredibly funny

Keep flying

TMURRIE

Sunday, February 20, 2005 8:37 PM

"Speed camera van caught speeding"

"The woman known as Britain's "cannabis gran" explains why she eats marijuana five times a day - and why she'll keep on doing it despite the threat of a jail term."

"Boy pretending to be father, attempts to adopt himself on eBay"

"Woman, saved by lung transplant, later dies because lung was infected with rabies"

LETOV

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 5:45 PM

I actually bought a "day of the year" calendar on clearance this year which is all about odd news stories. I love some of these headlines:

"Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire"

"Teachers Strike Idle Kids"

"Local Boy Found Lost"

"Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe"

"Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years"

and my favorite so far-
"March Planned for June of This Year"

- Leto_V

"Well, my days of not taking you
seriously are certainly coming to
a middle." - Mal

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