In the garden, and RAIN!!! (2)

POSTED BY: SIGNYM
UPDATED: Monday, September 7, 2026 11:50
VIEWED: 338648
PAGE 78 of 834

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Originally posted by SIGNYM:
Not sure what to say about your g'ma being weak. If she's not eating is she drinking enough water and getting enough salt? Or getting IV saline?

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There is no IV. The only thing she's on now that she's home is O2. Supposedly the hospice people know what they're doing.

I didn't think to ask how much she's drinking. I did hear from my aunt that she ate a larger than normal breakfast this morning, and my Dad said she had a decent lunch. Still nowhere near what she used to eat (or was eating just a week or so ago), but it doesn't sound like she's eating like a bird today.

Zero strength though. She had a lot of visitors today so they put her in the wheelchair. That was a mistake. She can't get comfortable in that and was complaining the whole time. My dad said it took about an hour to get her into the bed with my Uncle without hurting her. He is probably exaggerating. But he says that she feels like 300lbs of dead weight now because she can't offer any help. She's only 230lbs, but people have a hard time picking up protestors that are half her weight if they go ragdoll.

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She may be dehydrated. And it could still be from surgery. When I had a port put in, which is probably like putting in a drain, it was under local PLUS sedation (not total anesthesia). I was awake but very, very ...VERY... relaxed. I heard and remember everything. But I kinda drooped for a few days afterwards.

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I'll know more when I'm there next week. It sounds like she's made some improvements every day she's been home. My Dad's not worried that anything is going to happen before I get there.

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Growing up in a Republic was nice... Shame we couldn't keep it.

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My aunt is in bad shape. I can tell that she's really overwhelmed.

I think that even though my Dad doesn't want me over there taking a shift, I'm going to need to be there with them just for moral support as much as possible.



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Growing up in a Republic was nice... Shame we couldn't keep it.

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
My aunt is in bad shape. I can tell that she's really overwhelmed.

I think that even though my Dad doesn't want me over there taking a shift, I'm going to need to be there with them just for moral support as much as possible.



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Growing up in a Republic was nice... Shame we couldn't keep it.

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Hugs to you, and hugs for your aunt. Working and taking care of someone is impossible. Not sure how your g'ma feels about male family members taking care of her more private needs. If that's a problem, you all may eventually need to pitch in and hire a female caregiver for when your aunt needs to get out of the house. (And she WILL need to get out of the house. Nobody can take care of a terminally sick relative 247. It's too exhausting, emotionally and physically.)

You mentioned some relatives that appear to have no inclination to help. How are they financially? Helping pay for someone to come over and give you all a break could be part of the team effort.

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Pity would be no more,
If we did not MAKE someone poor - William Blake

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Quote:

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Originally posted by SIGNYM:

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
My aunt is in bad shape. I can tell that she's really overwhelmed.

I think that even though my Dad doesn't want me over there taking a shift, I'm going to need to be there with them just for moral support as much as possible.



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Growing up in a Republic was nice... Shame we couldn't keep it.

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Hugs to you, and hugs for your aunt. Working and taking care of someone is impossible.

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I think that sunk in the last two days. And I don't want to make any assumptions, but I don't think she's the type of woman who is going to enjoy any of it. She's a tough Italian who's done hard labor all her life and is more like her father than any of her sons are. She would have loved doing what I did overnights at my last job just like I did. Taking a leave of absence to sit at home taking care of somebody is going to drive her up a wall.

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Not sure how your g'ma feels about male family members taking care of her more private needs.

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As long as she's sentient, she wouldn't allow it. I can't imagine her sons are going to do it anyhow, and I wouldn't even change my nieces diaper when she was a baby when my brother's wife asked me if I wanted to do it one day I was over there. I'm sure it's not as bad as I imagine it would be, but... gross.

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If that's a problem, you all may eventually need to pitch in and hire a female caregiver for when your aunt needs to get out of the house. (And she WILL need to get out of the house. Nobody can take care of a terminally sick relative 247. It's too exhausting, emotionally and physically.)

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Well my Dad is going to be there every day of the week now even if my Aunt takes a leave. I'm planning on staying overnight a few nights a week myself, although my Aunt told me with how bad it is she doesn't think I'm going to be wanting to stay overnight and that she's got no expectations that I would do it until it happens. She mentioned last night that she's going to need to leave and get out at least an hour or two every day when my Dad is there.

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You mentioned some relatives that appear to have no inclination to help. How are they financially? Helping pay for someone to come over and give you all a break could be part of the team effort.

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She had mentioned that they may need to hire somebody. She seems to think she can get a caregiver from some place for $15/hr, but I don't see how that's possible or how they could be any good. You can make $20/hr at McDonalds in Illinois now.

Nobody on this side of the family is swimming in cash or will be easy to part with it. And I hate the idea of my Aunt taking a leave when she finally got her head on straight around the same time I did and got herself a better paying job and has been actually saving money for the first time in her life. It's a shame that her 401k has money in it for the first time during Bidenflation and she lost 12% last year. At least she's getting the 100% company match though so she's still making out. But like I said she's busted her hump her entire life without any span longer than a few weeks between jobs, so her SS income is going to be quite a bit more than mine is, and I told her once she's on her own I can help her navigate everything as far as any possible benefits that would help her financially, getting her set up on SS and Medicare when that time comes, and (hopefully) get her into a nice condo for cheap when the housing market crashes instead of throwing away all that money on apartment rent with today's rates.

Their two biggest wastes of money right now are heat (11ft ceilings in a large house with my grandma needing to keep it at 70 degrees), and eating out every night with today's prepared food prices because she's too exhausted after work to cook for the both of th

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Piece of advice for your aunt, if this should ever become a temptation: DONT take Social Security retirement early. If she does she will lose the ability to earn money even as she collects social security.

How are you at cooking? On your nights over maybe you could prepare some meals and stock the frig?

AFA helping: Not sure how big your g'ma is, but someone will have to guide her to a toilet or to a wheelchair or transfer chair and then transfer to a toilet or shower chair. Eventually someone wil have to wash her hair and give her a shower and possibly even wipe her after toilet. If she falls is she a one-person lift or a two-person lift? Someone will have to change her bed sheets (There'a a trick to it. You don't need to get the person out of beed: You roll them to one side, lift the old sheet off and kind of log-roll it against them and put the new sheet on. then roll them to the other side onto the clan sheet, strip the old sheet off and pull the new sheet on the rest of the way and tuck it in. I'm sure you can figure it out.) and her clothes. That's not including helping her eat and/or drink, assisting with meds etc.

And that's not including all of the normal household stuff: washing dishes, sorting the mail, paying bills, sweeping and vaccuming etc.

Anyway, this will probably be a marathon not a sprint. What was being done BEFORE her dx? This is your benchmark. She is prolly not THAT much worse off, physically, than she was before she went to the hospital. Weaker, but beter oxygenated.

So I imagine that much of this help will not be necessary until the last two-three months, so your aunt, and you, and dad, shouldn't exhaust yourselves now. There's (probably) no need at this point for 24-7 bedside attendance. Good for someone to be there while you all learn how to do what you need to do, and great for someone to be on night shift so your aunt can sleep once in awhile, but you all need to pace yourselves. Maybe you all should throttle back after a week or so. Can your aunt work on a reduced schedule? Three days a week for the time being?


There are plenty of homecare agencies. The one I heard good things about was Home Instead, but when I looked them up I found even better-rated ones. The problem with agencies is that you pay the agency an exhorbitant amount of money and they pay their staff quite a bit less. If you don't mind trotting thru the interview process you can hire private-duty and you both make out better. Bc my workplace had a plan where I could set aside pre-tax money for such things, I paid our employees social security ect tax, and filed for reimbursement. That's one way of managing it.

Sorry for the brain-dump.

OH PS: GET A BEDSIDE BELL. Or some other easy-to reach call system.

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Pity would be no more,
If we did not MAKE someone poor - William Blake

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dbl

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Originally posted by SIGNYM:
Piece of advice for your aunt, if this should ever become a temptation: DONT take Social Security retirement early. If she does she will lose the ability to earn money even as she collects social security.

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Yeah. She knows. Thanks though.

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How are you at cooking? On your nights over maybe you could prepare some meals and stock the frig?

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I could stock the frig, but cooking isn't my thing. I know how to cook about 3 different things and they're pretty bland. As long as my belly is full I'm alright, but nobody wants to eat my cooking.

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AFA helping: Not sure how big your g'ma is, but someone will have to guide her to a toilet or to a wheelchair or transfer chair and then transfer to a toilet or shower chair.

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Unless a miracle happens and she gets stronger, that's not going to happen. She could walk to the bathroom by herself a week ago. Now she's just dead weight. It took 3 people to stand her up on the comode the other day. She's probably not ever going to leave that bed again.

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Eventually someone wil have to wash her hair and give her a shower and possibly even wipe her after toilet. If she falls is she a one-person lift or a two-person lift?

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It's at least a 2 person lift. Maybe 3. Nurses and aides will be coming now to sponge bath her during the week.

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Someone will have to change her bed sheets (There'a a trick to it. You don't need to get the person out of beed: You roll them to one side, lift the old sheet off and kind of log-roll it against them and put the new sheet on. then roll them to the other side onto the clan sheet, strip the old sheet off and pull the new sheet on the rest of the way and tuck it in. I'm sure you can figure it out.) and her clothes. That's not including helping her eat and/or drink, assisting with meds etc.

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My Aunt has had a crash course in that the last few days. Both a nurse and an aide are going to be there tomorrow between 1 and 4 to teach my Aunt and Dad all the tricks. I'll be there as well.

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And that's not including all of the normal household stuff: washing dishes, sorting the mail, paying bills, sweeping and vaccuming etc.

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The first three my aunt does all the time. The last two she doesn't. That's why I was cleaning 15 years of dust off the fridge top along with all the other cleaning I did over there last year.

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Anyway, this will probably be a marathon not a sprint. What was being done BEFORE her dx? This is your benchmark. She is prolly not THAT much worse off, physically, than she was before she went to the hospital. Weaker, but beter oxygenated.

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She can barely do anything right now. She's still eating about 1/3 of what she was eating just last week. My aunt was up with her for hours last night because she had to pee in the pan, but couldn't until she finally did. She kept asking my Aunt if she could use the toilet, but my Aunt had to remind her that she can't even stand up by herself and there was no way she could get her to the bathroom and back on her own.

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So I imagine that much of this help will not be necessary until the last two-three months, so your aunt, and you, and dad, shouldn't exhaust yourselves now. There's (probably) no need at this point for 24-7 bedside attendance. Good for someone to be there while you all learn how to do what you need to do, and great for someone to be on night shift so your aunt can sleep once in awhile, but you all need to pace yourselves. Maybe you all should throttle back after a week or so. Can your aunt work on a reduced schedule? Three days a week for the time being?

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Unless I'm shocked by a miracle when I get there, this is hitting hard and fast. She might not make it through March. And honestly, if things are as bad as I'm being told they are already, I don't want her to suffer that indignity for very long. :(

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There are plenty of

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