FIREFLY: THE VIRTUAL SEASON
POSTED BY: kayleeholic
UPDATED: Monday, January 27, 2003 00:33
VIEWED: 27253
PAGE 8 of 9
Here's what I wrote as an opening to the episode. It only gets us to where a deal was made, but it's a start. BTW, I like the 2 parter thing.
Crossroads
Scene opens into the galley, where everyone is settled down to dinner. Book has turned their protein bars, carbohydrate paste and a few odds and ends into a relatively decent meal. You see Simon trying to eat, but he gets interrupted every few minutes with River playing with her food, or trying to steal things off other people’s plates. Simon gets upset, and Mal orders River to her room.
MAL: Simon, calm her down now.
Simon gets up and chases River who has taken to dancing around the table, taking things and putting them down in other places.
SIMON: I’m trying. Tell Jayne to stop trying to trip me up and I’ll get to her faster.
JAYNE: But it’s so gorram fun ta see ya fall.
Simon catches River and leads her away to her room. On his way back, Simon looks at Mal and brings up the subject of getting paid.
SIMON: Mal, I need medicine to keep her calm, and I need medicine to try to help her.
MAL: Don’t see where that’s any of my business son.
Simon gets mad and throws his napkin on the table.
SIMON: If I got paid here, it wouldn’t be, but since I’m dependent on you for the food I eat and the clothes I wear, it is your business.
MAL: We went through this before. Fas as I’m concerned you are a part of this ship like a generator or a light bulb. I take care of you and your sister, who has no function on this ship at all, if’n you want a cut of the take, you gotta be there. Fair’s fair, an’ that’s the rules. Case closed.
Simon gets up and leaves. Kaylee looks at Mal and starts to plead.
KAYLEE: Come on Cap’n. It’s not right Simon can’t help his sister.
JAYNE: They’re not lyin’ in some ruttin’ Alliance prison. ‘Sides, that means less for everyone else.
KAYLEE: Well, I don’t mind getting less.
MAL: Kaylee, you don’t get paid either. You’re just like the Doc, you don’t go on the job, you don’t get a take.
KAYLEE: Yeah, Cap, but you don’t say no to me like you do to Simon. He has his sister to think about, and it’s just not right.
Mal just gets up and leaves the table. Everyone left looks uncomfortable, but trys to finish their meal. Later you see Zoe and Wash in bed together, and Wash, while playing with Zoe’s hair (this is a family show) comments on Simon’s plight.
WASH: Isn’t it a shame that Simon can’t to more to help River?
ZOE: Mmmm. Yes, it is, but what can he do? He’s not a fighter, and it would take too long to make him one. If we could make him one.
WASH: But what if he did something simple but pivotal? You know, like actually help and all.
ZOE: It’s a thought, just don’t think that it’ll happen any time soon.
You see Zoe close her eyes and go to sleep, but Wash stares out into the dark, obviously thinking.
Cut to commerical break.
We come in to see Wash in the infirmary getting a check-up from Simon. Wash’s shirt is open and Simon is listening to his lungs, etc.
WASH: Doc, why do I need these check-ups? I’m fine.
SIMON: You are required to undergo regular physicals to maintain your pilot’s licence. I’d like at least one document on this ship to be valid. Besides, you came to me, your physical isn’t due for another six months.
Wash looks around, as if someone else might be in the infirmary. He gets off the examining table and pokes his head out in the hallway, making sure no one is around. He closes the door and almost whispers.
WASH: I been thinking about last night at dinner….
SIMON: (whispering) Why are you whispering?
WASH: (whispering) I don’t know, seemed like the thing to do
SIMON: (whispering) Oh.
WASH: (whispering) Anyway, last night at dinner (sees the look on Simon’s face) Oh (clears throat) Uh, about last night at dinner, I was wondering, um, I might be able to help you. See, I have a buddy that might be able to help us out, and it looks like we would need someone of your…, ah, someone with your…, well, we might be able to use you.
S
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Hello All Just a few points I wanted to bring up here.
Lost Angel I totally agree that we should probaly give JE a rest as he was in the last ep we got in the real series and in one of the three new ones but keep writing and I think we should put it in latter on. It is not trash as that is the return of Saffron.
Guailo (did I spell that right) Your Hui story sounds great IF I may comment again drop Jubal from the story and flesh it out as a two parter this would be an excellent begining and I think it fits well with what we already know. Also I dont think Niska would do this by himself maby his goans are after HUi and when he finds out from them that serenity is there also he enters the fray.
Just a thought take it as you will but please write I think your idea has excellent potential and could be a good jumping for the rest of us. We already have a volunteer for episode two so I will start working on epiosde three.
Any Idea on that other web site.
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Thanks Bud. I didn't suggest that we give Early a break (don't want to take anyone's credit) but I do agree with the idea. I think Guailo did.
Can't wait to see your ep!
By the way, I tried the Yahoo discussion group that some people have going on, but I couldn't get the hang of it, so anyone with an idea, speak up!
PS: I see Hui to be a space version of Cheech or Chong.
______________________
Lost Angel
WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?
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Quote:
PS: I see Hui to be a space version of Cheech or Chong.
I wouldn't go so far, but sort of. I was thinking someone that looked nearly exactly like Wash. It could even be a gag initially. I don't know. But in the final, I want to be sure of several things:
1) Hui stays true to the vernacular.
2) Hui be a good guy and really be trying to help out. I like the exchange above, but I envision him as being really positive.
3) If it's a two parter, Objects in Motion then Objects at Rest, include JE but keep him distant.
4) Keep River exceptionally calm and have Book more worried about that than when she was acting out. I always saw the random behavior of hers to be manifestations of the crew's sub-surface thoughts.
Mal: “The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.”
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very super cool. I really want to read more. Can't rush genius I know. :)
I really liked the "old ways" aside with the Hang 10. Very groovy.
Sarah
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Sarahetc, that means a lot to me, coming from you. 
I have been a fan of yours since I first read your fic. I wish I was as creative, I'm just expanding on what other people are saying.
Everyone has such good ideas, it's easy to look good! *smooches to everyone out there*
______________________
Lost Angel
WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?
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OK. Here's a revised version with a spaced out River and more mellow Hui. Opinions are appreciated and stuff:
Crossroads
Scene opens into the galley, where everyone is settled down to dinner. Book has turned their protein bars, carbohydrate paste and a few odds and ends into a relatively decent meal. You see Simon trying to eat, but he gets has a problem concentrating on the warm homey feel of everyone chatting and no one stealing something or beating someone up. He looks at River who is sitting at her place in the table just staring at her plate. Jayne looks around, and leans over and snags a lump of something off her plate. River doesn’t move, just starts to make a smiley face in her mashed potatoes.
SIMON: Hey! Give that back.
JAYNE: Why? She ain’t eatin’ and it’ll go to waste.
BOOK: Put it back son, there’s plenty on the table.
Jayne sees the look on Kaylee’s face, like she watched him kick a puppy, and he huffs, but puts it back on the plate. River doesn’t move.
KAYLEE: River? Honey? Why don’t you try to eat somethin’?
SIMON: Mei-mei, here, have this.
He picks up a piece of a vegetable and puts it in her mouth. She opens her mouth and accepts the food but doesn’t chew. She calmly takes the food out of her mouth and uses it to decorate her picture. Simon, visibly upset by all this gives up and leads her back to her room. Some of the crew are upset, Book especially so.
BOOK: She has been like that for days. I’m starting to get worried.
JAYNE: I’m startin’ to enjoy it. She’s not that bad when she’s a statue.
KAYLEE: I’m worried. I wonder if she’s getting better or worse?
SIMON: (re-entering the galley) It means that she’s getting worse. (turns to Mal) Captain, I need medicine to try to help her.
MAL: Don’t see where that’s any of my business son.
Simon gets mad and throws his napkin on the table.
SIMON: It is because you don’t pay me. I’m dependent on you for the food we eat and the clothes we wear. You know the only reason why I’m here is because I need to help her.
MAL: You’re here because you’re a fugitive from the law, and I’m lettin’ you hide her here. Fas as I’m concerned you are a part of this ship like a generator or a light bulb. I take care of you and your sister, who has no function on this ship at all, if’n you want a cut of the take, you gotta be there. Fair’s fair, an’ that’s the rules. Case closed.
Simon gets up and leaves. Kaylee and Inara look at Mal and starts to tag team him with nagging, pleading and just plain female noise.
INARA: Mal, that was very crude of you. How could you call our ship’s doctor a lightbulb?
KAYLEE: Come on Cap’n. It’s not right Simon can’t help his sister.
KAYLEE and INARA continue, simultaneously.
BOOK intercedes: Ladies, please. Now the good Captain is responsible for everyone on the ship, and sometimes he has hard decisions to make (gives a dissappointed look to Mal) If he feels that there is a good reason to treat part of his crew as less like a part of the crew, and more like a part of the cargo, I’m sure that he has his reasons.
JAYNE: Sides, they’re not lyin’ in some ruttin’ Alliance prison. AND, that’d be less for everyone else.
KAYLEE: Well, I don’t mind getting less.
MAL: Kaylee, you don’t get paid neither. You’re just like the Doc.
KAYLEE: Yeah, Cap, but you don’t say no to me like you do to Simon. He has his sister to think about, and it’s just not right.
Mal just gets up and leaves the table. Everyone left looks uncomfortable, but trys to finish their meal. Later you see Zoe and Wash in bed together, and Wash, while playing with Zoe’s hair (this is a family show) comments on Simon’s plight.
WASH: Isn’t it a shame that Simon can’t to more to help River?
ZOE: Mmmm. Yes, it is, but what can he do? He’s not a fighter, and it would take too long to make him one. If we could make him one.
WASH: But what if he did something simple but pivotal? You know, like actually help and all.
ZOE: It’s a thought, just don’t think that it’ll happen any time soo
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Just a couple of questions. What happened to Simon saying "God knows we have enough drugs" in War Stories? I was under the impression that when they stole all that stuff from the hospital in Ariel Simon kept as much drugs as he thought he would need for the ship. Also, they never said what happened to the drugs that got left behind when Wash and Mal were kidnapped by Niska in the same episode. Zoe, Book and Jayne found the container sitting there full when they went looking for them. I kind of assumed they took them back to the ship with them. Maybe Simon could need money for info on other people that were at the school with River or something. I just don't think he'd need drugs unless it was a particular one that was working but he only had in small quantities.
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Good Point. Let me do some re-wording. 
Thanks for the heads up.
______________________
Lost Angel
WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?
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Hey. The continued interaction is good, but like, let's not go overboard. :) The falling asleep thing seems a little excessive.
Per River at the beginning, it seems to work better with her calm to the point of catatonia like this. The frenetic River was good, but this new version is better without the other version being bad. Dong ma? In stuff like Safe and Ariel we've gotten to see River being all hyper. Son of a bitch dress me up like a gorram doll, etc. (Aside: I can say bitch, right? What about the effword?)
The slower River also works Book more into the conversation with Jayne. And this is a shameless push for incorporating my Book-River-Jayne subplot. :) Of course, that subplot means that Jayne can't be at Simon's negotiation.
Like, commercial break:
Meanwhile, back on Serenity
JAYNE and BOOK are working out. JAYNE is spotting BOOK for bench presses.
JAYNE: Can't agree with you preacher. Brain pan's slimy. No good no more.
BOOK: There is more to that girl than we'll probably ever know, Jayne.
JAYNE: So? Already know more'n I want to about her. Know she got way with a knife. Know's she can't tell a gun from a stick even though she can kill with her eyes closed.
BOOK finished his set. He sits up and towels off a little. JAYNE reaches for the push-up straps. RIVER enters from the catwalk above.
RIVER: (to BOOK) Know what you think about at night, your secrets. Know that your brains are full.
BOOK is mellow but JAYNE moves a little to keep his distance.
RIVER: (con't.) Know that your hands have a memory that your heart doesn't want. They itch and stay dirty. Serenity's a name not a place.
Cut to JAYNE looking sidelong at the two of them. BOOK is his Yoda self.
JAYNE: You was sayin', Preacher?
BOOK: What makes you say those things, River?
RIVER turns and heads toward the cargo bay doors
RIVER: Outside there's air and words. Do penance, get absolved. Buy more ammunition.
BOOK goes to follow her, motioning for JAYNE to come with him. RIVER exits and BOOK and JAYNE hurry to follow her.
Cut to: LA's scenes with everybody else that are so swell and makin' me antsy to read more of. A whole bunch of them. Most of the ep.
Cut to: BOOK and JAYNE following RIVER who is maybe 5 steps ahead of them. JAYNE carries only his knife.
BOOK: Let's let her wander a little more. Don't seem to be any feds around.
JAYNE: That's the thing about feds, preacher. The ones you gotta really worry about you can't never see.
RIVER stumbles, falling to her knees. BOOK and JAYNE catch up with her. BOOK bends to help her up, while JAYNE looks around.
RIVER: Simon's asking them right now and they're looking at Simon and they're seeing me and they see you too but you'll never see them.
JAYNE: See! Feds! We gotta get back right now.
BOOK: Simon is okay, River. He's with the captain.
A flash in the sky draws their attention. Shuttle #1 is going down.
JAYNE: Gorramit! Come on!
JAYNE breaks into a run. BOOK pulls RIVER to her feet and drags her with him, after JAYNE.
They return to the landing site to find Serenity gone.
Cut to commercial.
LA : ?? Did I hijack your story? I really didn't mean to.
Sorry sorry sorry. Say the word and I'll delete the whole post except for the compliments and add more compliments.
Sarah
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