All reviews welcome.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were good smells coming from the Galley that Mal and Jayne just had to go investigate. They found some kind of spicy meat dish with vegetables, a pile of dumplings fragrant with herbs keeping warm and what looked remarkably like fruit salad in the refrigeration unit.
“Hot damn!” Jayne went for a bowl only to receive a slap over the knuckles from a wooden spoon wielded by Kaylee, clumps of dumpling mix in her hair and a smut of sauce on her nose.
“You just go polish Vera now, or even better change your shirt. This is a proper sit down meal and we’re gonna eat it together.”
“We gotta dress all spiffy just to eat?”
“You heard the lady.” Mal gave a significant nod toward the crew quarters. Jayne stumped of grumbling meanly under his breath.
Mal gave Kaylee a thoughtful look, “On that subject Darling you might wanna take a look in a mirror. Kaylee checked her reflection in a saucepan lid and with a squeal of horror disappeared in the same direction as Jayne calling “Don’t let anybody start on the food till we’re all here!” Over her shoulder.
Mal waited until the mechanic was out of sight then dunked his pinkie in the sauce.
“Hè!, zhòu mà hè!” He automatically stuck his finger in his mouth to cool the burning and the happy look of a man tasting real food after living on too much reconstituted protein spread across his face.
“Malcolm Reynolds shame on you.”
He jumped like a guilty child and with a shamefaced grin turned to face Inara. There had been a laugh in her voice, a tone that was becoming more and more common with her and that did him all kinds of good to hear.
It was no surprise that Inara as ever looked like heaven on two legs, what was a little more surprising was the vengeful killer that Mal had met that afternoon standing a little behind her.
Mal realised that he hadn’t looked at her proper. She’d been covered in dirt and wearing hardwearing, dull clothes and a ridiculous hat. Now she glitter
BEB
I can't wait to see where you take it will Tomas side with Mal and his?
How did Al get shot?
Go Two gun Tam !!!!
I agree with a previous comment that lines or stars or something between scene breaks would clear things up some.
I love your narrative style. Really fits the style of the wild west both with the dialogue and prose.
I love this line: "It was no surprise that Inara as ever looked like heaven on two legs..."
AND:
“You surprise me, I thought Patience had got that place all buttoned up.”
“She did, but being dead these last five months she kinda let things go.”
ROFTL!!!!!!!
The prose could use a little polish, but otherwise the story and the characters are sharp. Going to look for more of your stuff right now!
Post Your Comments
You must log in to post comments.