Special thanks to Hotpoint for help with this. It's just a fic-lette, for your amusement. Let me know what you think...

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They were planning something. He just knew it. For the past few weeks, he'd seen them, heads together, conspiring, whispering, giggling even. Sometimes it was Kaylee and River, sometimes Wash and River, sometimes all three of them. Jayne was even in on one of the conferences. They'd stop abruptly and disperse whenever he approached. It was unnerving him something fierce.

He hated his birthday...almost as much as Unification Day.

Now, the dreaded day was here. He lay in his bed, imagining all the hoopla they had prepared for him. He had begged Zoe to try to curb it but she just shrugged, smirking, " Sir, you know they just want to show their regards."

" Yeah, but why do they have to make such a fuss? Why can't they just do a cake or some such and leave it at that?" Mal said, pleading.

" Well, sir, I think they got you something special this year. " she said, eyes twinkling. Mal's eyebrows shot up. " Zoe, if you've any notion of what's up, you'd better let fly with the facts." he said, feigning anger.

"Sir, I only know that they said you'll like it...well, no, actually, they said you'll appreciate it." she said, grinning, and walked away. That just filled him with all manner of apprehension.

* * * * *

Standing outside the doorway to the kitchen he had to mentally brace himself for the inevitable chorus of 'Happy Birthday, Captain'. When he finally turned the corner and came down the steps he was met with... silence. No one even paid him any mind. They went about, making their tea, something for breakfast, chattering about where they were headed next, what they were planning to do planetside. Jayne and Wash were arguing about who had dish duty. It looked as though it could come to blows.

" Mornin', Cap'n." Kaylee said as she looked up.

" Mornin', Kaylee." he said, somewhat puzzled. Maybe Zoe did get them to stow their usual boistero