CHAPTER 3

Zoe places the last Hawaiian shirt on the top of the pile and closes the trunk, slowly, carefully, then sits back against the bed she used to share with her husband. She looks round the room, her eyes taking in the Spartan décor of the room, so different now without Wash and the colour he’d brought into her life. It could be a soldier’s bunk. It is a soldier’s bunk. Ai ya, it could be MAL’S bunk, it’s that bare. She sighs; she is so tired, but she can’t let go. If she cries, she knows she won’t be able to stop.

And Mal needs her; the crew need her. Mal’s up on the bridge, teaching River to pilot, or being taught by River how Serenity should be piloted. Girl just up and took hold of the controls like she’d done it all her life. Little Albatross, Mal was calling her now.

Just so long as nobody gorram shoots her, Zoe thinks, and locks the trunk containing Wash’s belongings. She doesn’t know what to do with them. Put them in storage? Under the bed? Send them out into space? She can’t think.

Maybe she shouldn’t even have stripped the room of all his stuff anyhow. Inara had seemed almost shocked that morning, when Zoe had staggered along the corridors with all the sheets from their bed. But she’d had to. She couldn’t have kept sleeping in Wash’s scent, in his warmth. She’d have gone mad.

She wishes the little dinos were in the trunk. That would somehow make it more real. She’s tucked the palm trees in there, under his shirts, but it’s not the same.

Zoe wonders what Mal’s thinking, what he’s going through, if he’s even feeling anything. Mal always was good at hiding things, even from her. She daren’t go up onto the bridge, though. Not again.

She makes her way blindly to the kitchen, not really knowing what she’s going there for, not really knowing what else to do. Jayne’s at the table, booted feet up on the wooden polished top. Kaylee, humming to herself, making bao in the far corner. Zoe remembers Wash’s comments when Saffron – or whatever her name was – cooked up fresh bao for Mal,