A large hairy man hands Mal a bag full of coins. He takes them and jiggles them next to his ear.
“Sounds ‘bout right. Good doing business with you.” Mal says as bows to the hairy man, who grunts and walks away.
“We get paid?” Jayne asks as he picking his teeth with his knife.
“Yes Jayne we got paid.” Mal sits down with Jayne and Zoë who are having a drink at a back table.
“This was a good day.” Mal has a large smile on his face as he hands the bag to Zoë.
“Almost too good, sir.”
“Zoë, you're such a shā shǒu kùa ilè.”
“I guess I am.”
Jayne grabs the bag from her and opens it. He takes a coin out sniffs it then bites it.
“Yeah Zoë, stop being such a shā shǒu kùa ilè.” Jayne says as he buffs the coin with his shirt sleeve.
Zoë just looks at him and snatches the bag back.
“Hey.” Jayne yells. “I was counting that.”
“I’m going back to the ship.” Zoë looks at the offend Jayne.
“Wave, Bernoulli, tell him we’ll have his share in a day or so.” Mal says as waves for the waitress to come over. “And Zoë…”
Exacerbated, “Yes, Capitan?”
“It’s a good day.” Mal smiles.
The waitress comes over to Jayne and Mal.
“Miss get me and my man here two shots of your finest whiskey. We’re celebrating our hǎo yùn.” Mal throws her a coin.
“And peanuts.” Jayne throws in.
“And peanuts.” Mal adds.
Zoë walks up the ramp to Serenity where is greeted by her husband.
“We get paid?”
“Yes.”
“Shiny” Wash kisses her on her cheek.
Kaylee comes in followed by Simon who looks frustrated.
“Everything ok?” She gives Kaylee a concerned look.
“Everything, shiny, just shiny.” Kaylee gives Simon an evil eye.
“Did we get paid?” Simon said to break the tension.
“Yes we did.” Wash answering and wrapping his hands around his wife. “And no bullets. And no one got shot?” Wash turning to Zoë.
“Not yet, but the Captain and Jayne are still at the bar. Give it time.”
“Still a mighty fine day, dear.” He kisses her on the cheek again.
“Ah… well, I better prepare the infirmary just in case.” Simon turns to Kaylee who
--"... Don't you think you should be paying attention to what you're doing?"
--"I am, sir."
That part is hilarious. hehe
~Christine
I do wish you would flesh out your writing a bit. It reads all in a headlong rush; I wish you'd add enough details to the dialog and the stage direction that it would slow down, and be more savory.
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