Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

The Private

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Cpl. Zoe and Sgt. Mal help a young Pvt. at Serenity Valley.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2411    RATING: 8.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

Tweet

The pain woke me again, I screamed and clutched my belly. From somewhere a soft, feminine voice said "Shh, everythings gonna be alright Private. I'm still here." Who ever it was I was thankful ta them for stayin with me! "Who...are you?" I croaked out the question, "Please I needa know." I took a deep breath as the pain swept over my body again. Would this Gorram pain ever end! I tried ta open my eyes, but the sun was so bright that I shut'em tight against the light. I grimmaced and she spoke ta me again "Just rest Private, the med ships will be here soon." she said as she put a cool rag on my forehead. "Here have a little water now." She lifted my head so I could drink. Ah the water felt as sweet as honey and cool as a mountain stream, but I knew it was just my imagination....OH GOD the pain again!!Ilayed back down and felt myself passin out...I reached for her hand..found it and held on ..I didn't want ta die alone!! Corporal Zoe Alleyne looked up at the Sargent and shrugged her shoulders "Well she's alive for now, Sir" Zoe said as she kept ahold of the young Private's hand! Sargent Malcolm Reynolds wiped his face witha dirty hand and turned away from them.He sighed heavily and looked at all the scattered bodies in Serenity Valley and wondered......His ears caught the sound of heavy engines comin over the horizon. The med ships had come, but they were Alliance not Independant.

Comments
Thursday, 23 February 2006 02:14
Blaze, very good imagery here, Hon. Nice method of inviting us to know the suffering man although no name. I have always liked that technique.

Good job with Mal and Zoe too. *hugs ya. Keep going, you hear?
Thursday, 23 February 2006 02:49
hey Bs, make ya stories longer but keep going' its good gorrammit,lol good job did way better than me!!!
Thursday, 23 February 2006 03:32
Loved it Blaze, may dear. You painted a wonderful picture! I agree with Wash, leaving out the name of the injured man brought a wonderful element to the scene. Zoe's focus on this one soldier fit character very well.

Cheers!
Thursday, 23 February 2006 07:34
Nice start, though the soldier is obviously a woman not a man. Where will you go from here? Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Friday, 24 February 2006 02:42
*hugs*
wow blaze, awesome imagery, awesome idea, i love it.
write some more ok?
Sunday, 26 March 2006 15:32
wow...just, wow...

b

Post Your Comments

You must log in to post comments.