Disclaimer: Joss owns all and I'm not Joss.

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She knew it was over the night she slept with him, knew she had lost him as she lay awake in his bed, tracing the lines of his scars with the tips of her fingers.

She should not have let herself fall into bed with him. But it had been so easy. He had returned from a job he shouldn’t have, bloodied and wearied once again, and she had stood outside the infirmary, watching anxiously as the doctor patched him up once more and had then found herself waiting outside his bunk, her hands twisting together of their own accord as he walked slowly towards her.

He stood before her and her eyes had dropped to the ground, not letting him see the tears shining in them.

“I thought… today I thought-“

He hadn’t let her finish. Had instead swooped down and kissed her and she had let him, welcomed it even, her arms wrapping around his neck to pull herself tighter against him, tongues fumbling and teeth clicking, the utter relief that he was alive, that he was still here washing over her and consuming her before she could think to stop it.

She had lost control. She was about to pay the price.

She knew that when he woke, the reality would set in and he would be embarrassed, confused; angry even, and the hurting words would be flung and she would sting back because they didn’t know anything else. They would never work for being them, for being stubborn, for being guarded, for holding pain too close to let anything else in.

He stirred and she withdrew her hand slowly, telling her mind to savour these last few moments before they were gone for good.

He opened his eyes. “Inara?”

She braced herself.

His arm snaked up and touched her, his thumb brushing gently against the corner of her lip and the unexpectedness of it caused her to start. She looked him in the eye, trying to see what was written there.

“It’s okay.” His voice was low, rumbling softly in his chest. “It’ll be okay.”

She reached her hand up and touched his, squeezed his fingers ge