A/N: Me own nada

The results of the survey are in: 3 for orgy in the cargo bay, 2 for the other porn options, 2 for Wash's dinos, and a smattering of the others. Upshot: Apparently, you guys are a bunch of dinosaur-loving perverts. I knew I liked you for a reason.

The plot barely moves again, but I knew Mal would have to be convinced of things eventually.

*******

OK, Zoe. You best give me a gorram good reason why I'm up here an' not down there fillin' that doctor full of holes." Mal was still furious as Zoe herded him onto the bridge, physically blocking the doorway so Mal couldn't leave.

"Wait. What?" Wash's head whipped around to stare at Zoe and Mal as entered, each one with a hand resting on their guns. "We're killing Simon again?" Not completely realizing the gravity of the situation, he took on a reminiscent look. "Wow. That takes me back to when those crazy kids first came on. River wasn't even yet out of her box when Simon earned himself an airlock threat, followed by multiple punchings - "

"Not now, Wash." Zoe didn't even look at her husband, choosing to keep her eyes locked on the captain. "Reason? How 'bout 'he didn't do nothin' bad', sir."

"That ain't a good reason. 'Sides, I'm fair sure he did. Has this nasty habit of lookin' exactly like a wanted fugitive." Mal feigned looking confused. "Wonder why that is?"

"Don't think he can control that."

"Exactly. Which is why he's supposed to stay on the gorram boat and out of sight!"

"'Cept when he's handy for a job, right, sir? Like Canton?" Zoe wasn't backing down. There was a very real danger than Mal would walk back down the stairs and Serenity would be minus the best medic on the Rim, not to mention dealing with a grieving sister with a fondness for knives and a heartbroken mechanic that could completely dismantle the engine. "How about when he's plannin' the best heist this crew ever seen? Or savin' all our lives pullin' out bullets an' sewin' up holes? " She pointed at the right side of his head.