Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Extra Cargo. Chapter 1 (Heavily Revised -- Thanks for the Comments!)

Friday, December 30, 2005

What if Mal wasn't always an angel??? This is my second attempt at a first try -- so please tell me anything and everything!

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2848    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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The crew of the Serenity walked out of the cargo bay into the sunny, dusty marketplace on Persephone; except for Simon and River who were staying behind and out of site. Wash and Zoe were going to find a bath and quiet time alone. Mal was off to various different areas on ship errands. Book was off to the Abbey for tea with his fellow Shepards and to see if they had some vegetables to spare. Inara had left the ship in her shuttle prior to Serenity landing in Persephone on her way to a short engagement. And Jayne was off to find a drink and a woman, in that order.

As they all scattered their separate ways a small figure watched from the shadows eyes narrowing in on Mal. A medium height man with a gun belt slung low across his hips. He looked like a good mark; the gun wasn’t too big of a deal. Everyone wore one if not two or three and he would never notice his money missing. Caroline squared her shoulders back and headed out from the alley mimicking his stride on the other side of him and generally making a little nuisance of herself; an amusing little nuisance. It was an act that she had perfected over the last couple of years; sometimes people gave her credits, other times she took them. At first Mal tried to ignore her; but, she wouldn’t let that happen. After five minutes of watching him laugh at her antics she pinched his wallet vanished into a convenient alley. Darting quickly from that alley into yet another alley she finally stopped and checked out the Ident Card and tried to sound out the name – M, Ma, Mal… something – reading wasn’t her strong suit. “Some fancy pants name” she thought to herself as she shoved everything inside her coat. “Maybe ma’s feeling good today;” it was nice when she was feeling good then if Caroline brought home wallets with Ident Cards they’d play a little game guessing about the lives of the people on the cards. If she was feeling really good they would go out for walk in the marketplace and buy fruit, real fruit. But, that didn’t happen too much. Usually t

Comments
Friday, 30 December 2005 21:58
Very good first'un. Great premise. I love the idea of Mal having a kid somewhere, and you made her a girl...Mal has a soft spot for his women folk. I would suggest getting a beta reader. I posted my first fic a few weeks ago and didn't even know what a beta reader was...now I can't make a decision without her lol. Definately keep it up, I want to see how everyone reacts.
ANONYMOUS
Friday, 30 December 2005 22:00
wow! i just read it, and i am interested. please continue, and also i wanted to know if this will have some even if just a bit of mal/inara in it.
Friday, 30 December 2005 22:49
definitely interesting. how old is caroline--or did i miss that?
Saturday, 31 December 2005 00:37
I can't wait to see where this goes!
TMX
Saturday, 31 December 2005 20:12
No way would any pickpocket see Mal as an easy mark. He wears a gun 24/7, for pete's sake. Nor would Mal let himself be pickpocketed, he's too sharp for that.
Sunday, 01 January 2006 00:54
I couldn't see a pickpocket getting away with Mal's wallet either but am happy to suspend belief in exchange for a shiny story! - Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Monday, 02 January 2006 15:29
Yep, thanks for the comments about the disparities. I think I've fixed most of them; and added a little bit of sense to it. I swear this was a dream; so as in most dreams (or my life in general) nothing ever seems to make sense.
Wednesday, 04 January 2006 21:47
sense = bad, dream = good
i like your dreams

b
BLKHERO69
Monday, 30 March 2009 05:53
Just found this fic. I like the beginning & the harsh reality that sometimes befalls veterans. Surprised not to read it more in Browncoat lore. Woulda loved to see something similar to this in an episode

-Keep flyin'

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