Jayne was hoping…badly…hoping that just maybe…

But as Jayne turned himself back around, seeing nothing behind him but the same walls occupying the same exact space as before, he knew his anxious hopes were in vain. She wasn’t going to be there. She wasn’t looking for him. And the flowers were still there, laying dutifully where Jayne had left them…in their place, saying their apologies through softened petals that longed for her caress.

Was this is it? Was this what he had been missing out on all this time of not getting all lovey dovey? Lust and sex…bangin’…hittin’ the sheets…everyone knew they walked hand in hand with one another. Lust was nothing but chemical reactors sending pulses through your body, tempting you into doing something that could bring enough erotic satisfaction to drive a person mad from the euphoria. Lust was nothing more than a drug, an aphrodisiac meant to blind, capture, and leave you begging for more. And Jayne knew his aphrodisiac was Sonja…only this aphrodisiac was more potent than anything that numskull Simon could’ve prescribed.

With Sonja, it was encompassing…as if Jayne was seeing the world around him through a spectrum of bright lights all pointing back to her. Maybe Inara was right after all. He couldn’t give her what she needed because what Sonja needed was someone who was going to be honest and true to her, someone who could speak words and have them soothe every square inch of her broken heart. River had said it. Sonja wasn’t mad. She just hurt.

Coming to the door to his quarters, Jayne stood for a second, putting his hand on the knob. He couldn’t get them straight, all his thoughts. They were running rampant and all he could do was let them. What use was there now?

Turning the knob finally, Jayne put his foot in to take the step down when he saw her, out of the corner of his eye. At first, he didn’t even want to look up, figuring that his mind was playing horrible, nasty tricks on him but as he saw the figure coming closer, Jayne finally looked up.

Pushing the door al