The Very Secret Diary of Hoban Washburne

Day -1830

Juggled some geese.

Day -1650

Signed on to pilot a new ship. Captain all right. First mate doesn't like my dinosaurs. Rex will eat her in her sleep.

Day -1000

I am a candle in the wind. No, that sounds wrong.

Day -890

Captain has put cute new mechanic in hold. Should I be worried that Zoe keeps checking on her? Won't say anything.

Day -852

Married Zoe. Vows seem to have changed since cousin Jenner got married. Oh well. Some people juggle geese.

Day -150

Leaf on a tree? No, that makes no sense.

Day -43

Captain gave me a back rub. Called it "special bonus pay." Am confused, as we haven't made any money in months.

Day -20

I am a goose on the wind. No, back to leaves.

Day 1

Rex betrayed Steggy. That'll teach me to trust carnivores.

Day 3

Performed Crazy Ivan. Have finally convinced Zoe Crazy Ivan isn't sex position. Ivan doesn't seem so crazy now.

Day 10

Shepherd strangely knowledgeable about criminal underworld. Taught me some gang signs. Gang signs seem strangely involved and require removal of unusual amounts of clothing. Zoe will kill him if he tries anything.

Also, doctor drugged Jayne. Seems to know a lot about drugs. Wonder if he has any rohypnol. Would not like to see Jayne on rohypnol.

Day 27

Leaf in the water? Will ask Zoe what she thinks.

Day 39

Always left on ship during missions. Doctor, Shepherd, and fong luh sister good company. Doctor a bit overfond of spin-the-bottle. Also overfond of Shepherd. And fong luh sister always breaks bottle.

Day 50

Captain's wife tried to seduce me, then beat me up. How'd she know that's what turns me on? Unfortunately, she hit me too hard. Wonder if Zoe will kill her.

Day 52

Captain keeps telling me to "Take us out of the world." Do you suppose he's hinting something? Nah. Zoe would kill him if he tried anything.

Day 60

Visited Higgins' Moon. Want to visit crappy town where I'm a hero. Probably have been there already--Recall that I was very good at go