WARNING Just in case you didn't already know - this story is more'n a mite SLASHY . There is nothing graphic in this chapter – other than a bit of mind-reading by River. But if slashfic squicks you out, read no further.

RATING – R because River's kinda precise!

Thanks again to wedjat for beta-ing.

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TRAUMA MEDICINE: Chapter 19.

Sometimes, when a thing's broke ...

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To Mal's ears the proximity alarm sounds like a beast in pain. Reminds him of that summer long ago back on Shadow when the rains never came an' almost all Momma's herd died. Such a mournful, desolate sound those steers made. Felt like his whole world was fallin' apart an' there wa'n't nothin' he could do to stop it.

Feels like his world's fallin' apart now too – only this time, he's the one destroyin' it. This carefully patched together little life of broken pieces that don't quite fit ain't holdin' together an' it's all his fault.

His head hurts, his heart hurts, he's still achingly hard an' he ain't sure he's got anythin' left in him to fight this new danger with.

Simon ... What in the suoyou de dou shidang did he do to Simon? And what in diyu was he gonna do to him? He shou'n't never have weakened. Shou'n't never have let Simon persuade him. Gorram stupid boy! He had to keep pushin'. Askin'. Offerin'.

The sudden upsurge of regret and self-recrimination is damn near overwhelmin'. Mal grits his teeth an' swallows it back down, pressin' a hand to Serenity's walls for support till the bile recedes

Can't be thinkin' on it now, he tells himself firmly. His crew's in danger. They need him. He's gotta pull himself together. Gotta carry on.

He takes a deep breath an' starts runnin' again.

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Zoe emerges from her bunk, fully dressed and armed, to see Mal racin' up the crew dorm hallway.

Not really surprisin', seein' as how they've got themselves another emergency to deal with.

'Ceptin' the Captain ain't wearin' his