Jayne was in he’s bunk when he heard Simon on the intercom.
Jayne came to jazz’s room and Simon was standing over her
“What in hells name is going on in here” Jayne said looking at Simon and jazz
“I don’t know river didn’t tell me”
“I did tell you, you weren’t listening” river said
“What did you do to her to crazy assed girl” Jayne said shaking river
“I was teaching her a lesson” river said
“Jayne put her down” Simon said almost shouting “and help me take jazz to the infirmary” Simon said to Jayne as he put down river and walked over to Jazz.
Simon was going to help Jayne pick up jazz but he just picked her up and walked out the door before he could help. Jayne had done this before with Kaylee when she got shot by that gorram cop. When the doc first came on board. “And now he was doing it again” he thought to himself as he walked with jazz in he’s arms
When they got to the Infirmary River was on the bench watching jazz on the operating table and Jayne fidgeting
“What the gorram is wrong with her doc” Jayne said looking worried
“I don’t know” Simon said looking at river
“She’s sleeping, she’s thinking, she’s letting her mind work she wont awake” river said
“What ya mean you gorram girl she won’t wake” Jayne said
“She means she’s in a coma” Simon said
“But some people don’t wake from a coma” Jayne said a little scared
“People do come out of a comas all the time Jayne” Simon said
“We have to get mal and Zoë back now” Jayne said though the intercom to wash
“Ok, ok but what’s wrong” wash said on the intercom
“Jazz is hurt” Simon said before Jayne could say anything
“Tell them to get back to the ship now” Jayne said
“She in a coma” Simon said
As Jayne heard it again he left the infirmary
“He’s afraid” River said
“Who’s afraid “Simon said
“Jayne” she said
“Jayne?, Jayne doesn’t care about anything” Simon said
“He cares about her” river said looking at jazz
“Mal, Mal” wash said “where in gorram hell are you” he hist into the radio
“Wash this isn’t a good time” mal
sorry i haven't commented before but i only just went back and read all the chapters.
it's a really good concept, and i think with a bit of development it will be good. one thing you need to do is edit it. there were a few minor spelling mistakes. but the main issue was that there were no full stops. makes it really hard to read, although you can sometimes figure out where they would go. maybe you should think about getting a friend or someone to read and edit it for you.
but like said, i really like the plot line. with a bit of editing it can become a great story!!!
keep it up!!
no power in the verse
xoxox-fredikayllow-xoxox
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