Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Enough

Tuesday, February 8, 2005

I'm sorry... such a brief line for such a brief discussion about who you trust, who you don't trust and what happens between.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2843    RATING: 9.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Hi there!

This is my first Firefly fanfic ever and the secnd I write in english since it is not my natural language. In fact, most of the english I know I've learnt it from mr. Whedon series and Pratchett's books, but I try to do my best so please, at least read the fic and tell me what do you think, ok? Even if it is to say that my mandarin is better than my english.

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I'm editin the fic a little because "CastIronJack" made me notice a very big mistake in Simon characterization...

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Here it goes, it's a little vignette at the end of 'Bushwacked'.

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“I’m sorry”

“Cào nî zûxian shí bâ dai!!!” Mal jumped from his chair, bolting around and aiming his gun at Simon who backed away, startled. “Damnit, boy!! Gorram went into you? I could’ve shoot you in the spot!!”

“I’m sorry” The doctor said again, although Mal wasn’t sure if he was repeating his last statement or apologising for scare the hell out of him. Not that he cared.

“What do you want?” he asked finnally, putting the weapon back to it’s place and sitting again.

“I wanted to apologize...” the doctor advanced through the dinner room and stopped near him, next to te table. He looked tired, dark patches under his eyes.

“You did, no need to mention this any further... just don’t startle me again if you want to keep your face with the regular five holes.”

He heard the boy sighing, probably wandering if he was chûn or simply playing it. No need to ease his mind about that.

“I meant that I’m sorry for doubting you before... when the Alliance were going to board us.”

“You’re sorry you thought I was goin’ to betray you, or you’re sorry you thought it and you got all mad for no reason since I was plannin’ to keep you two safe?”

The young doctor’s frown, that he had rarely seen at ease, deepened. He’d said it as a joke, but Simon was actually thinking about the question.

“I’m sorry I doubted you with no reason... but I can’t help doubting you..

Comments
Tuesday, 08 February 2005 01:51
Not bad for a first fanfic. The interaction between the characters was well done. I'd love to read more. =o)
RAT
Tuesday, 08 February 2005 02:19
Jen duh sh tyen tsai!!
Tuesday, 08 February 2005 02:55
WOW! The face really does have five holes (It's a revelation for me my friend!)

Anywho, pretty shexney story you've got here... I like it a lot... keep up the good work!
Tuesday, 08 February 2005 07:22
Other than a few misspellings its very sound, structurally. Reads really smooth(the former doesn't necessarily include this).

"Very best health care," indeed, very Simonish, smart and not so much at the same time.

Take a look at my Honest Run series, I always like input, and the series turns on Simon and Mal together...

A slight criticism would be that Simon is the last person on the ship to say ain't.

Keep flyin'
Tuesday, 08 February 2005 10:06
A good first story and a scene I would have loved to have seen on the show. Well done, you managed to convey the awkwardness and hesitation of Simon with what must for him be a hard decision yet it clears the air between him and the Captain. Shiny, Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
BELLONA
Sunday, 28 August 2005 18:31
zhe zhen shi ge kuai le de jingzhang...v. good

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