Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

BREAK OUT (05) Part (04)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The plan does not go smooth.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 4637    RATING: 10.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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BREAK OUT (05)

Part (04)

Follows . Precedes .

The series so far:

The plan does not go smooth.

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* * *

River suddenly turned and focused on Zoe. “Captain’s hit,” she stated, adding after a very small pause, “He doesn’t look better in red.”

Zoe raced off into the dark mud, again.

* * *

Mal lay on the ground, stunned. Stifling a groan, he rolled over onto his belly. He was not dead. Blood was pouring out of his head, though. He crawled on his belly along the ground to the shelter of a nearby wall, and leant his body against it.

Zoe’s voice crackled through Mal’s earwig. “Captain! Do you read?”

Mal tried to reply, but all he could manage was a soft moan that sounded pathetic even to himself.

* * *

Zoe became quite alarmed when she heard Mal’s moan. River’s voice spoke in her ear.

“He can hear you. Can’t answer. Keep going.” Zoe ran, mostly sticking to cover, but to tell the truth she was far more concerned with speed than stealth. “Turn left,” River’s voice guided. “Down the alley.”

* * *

Mal knew he couldn’t stay there, but it was awfully hard to move. The sheriff’s officers were around the corner, shouting, shining their lights into the rainy night. The shifting of the lights settled from random flashes into something more systematic, and he knew they were working a search pattern.

Comments
Tuesday, 19 July 2011 17:20
Very good chapter, i am fond of your stories but I think this is your best chapter to date. So write more of them. :)
Tuesday, 19 July 2011 19:56
Loved your Zoe telling Mal. But oh, Zoe, couldn't you have listened thirty more seconds to the important thing Mal wouldn't let Inara do?

Great as ever.
Tuesday, 19 July 2011 20:12
Also, VERY cute Simon and Kaylee reconciliation.
Wednesday, 20 July 2011 01:20
Well you just joined a group of less than a dozen fanfic writers. I went back and reread your whole series from the start.

So where's the next part?
Wednesday, 20 July 2011 22:47
Brilliant! Loved everything and Zoe was wrong, it wasn't Inara that could convince Mal to take less dangerous jobs but her ownself and the baby in waiting. I could so imagine the seen in the cargo bay with the soup being meted out and stretched rations. Not sure it is safe for them to go to Persephone though, what with ghost-Book's conversation in Mal's head. Can't wait to see what happens next! Ali D :~)
"You can't take the sky from me!"
Wednesday, 20 July 2011 22:47
Sorry, I meant scene not seen! Ali D :~)
"You can't take the sky from me!"
Friday, 22 July 2011 19:25
Thank you very much for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed this story.

There will be more...but :-( not for a little while. I have a bunch of revisions to work on the next part, and my internet access will be very limited for the next few weeks. Thanks again for taking the time to read these stories, and see you again before too long.
Sunday, 24 July 2011 17:23
Lovely work, I'm glad it was Zoe who brought it to Mal's attention that he can be reckless at times. And for the sake of her unborn baby, I’m glad he agreed.

You do an exceptional job at illustrating Mal’s two sides; the Captain and the person, and how difficult it is for Mal to maintain an intimate relationship with Inara, his personal side, the one which is broken, vulnerable and hurting. Unfortunately, for them, it’s the side she needs to be there for her with her condition, which she chooses to hide for his sake.

Don’t be away too long;)
ZOESMOM
Monday, 25 July 2011 17:38
I loved this story, and I especially loved this line: "When you can’t crawl, you walk. And when you can’t walk, you run. And when you run, you get someone to carry you.”
Friday, 29 July 2011 23:14
Ok waited enough. it has been like 10 days... to long... need more story now...
Tuesday, 02 August 2011 15:36
Patience, Nutluck. I wasn't kidding about limited internet access. The revisions on the next part are coming along and perhaps I'll be able to post the next one when I next sign in...about a week perhaps.
Very flattered that you're waiting with bated breath for the next part of the story. :-)

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