Blue Sun Room FICTION - DRAMA

Dagger of the Mind, chapter 2

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Mal faces off with a foe from the past while a captured Zoe, Wash and Kaylee await what's coming next

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1967    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Chapter 2: Broken

Author's Note: The story takes a darker turn. Contains some disturbing imagery. Scroll-over titles added for those who want to see Chinese translations and notes to Shakespeare references.

Shakespeare reference: Macbeth Act 1 Scene 1

Mal's throat was suddenly parched. His stomach heaved while the sea roared in his ears. Focus, focus, damn it! Won't do the women any good you showin' weakness.

"Wasn't easy to find you. Or Corporal Alleyne." Callum hitched forward a little, and his voice dropped low as he added, almost to himself, "You know, I think I'm even more pleased to see her than you."

"Callum," Mal somehow kept his tone level and firm, "you got a score to settle you settle it with me. I was in command, I gave the orders. Ain't no call to drag others into this."

"But Sergeant," he spat the word again, "didn't Shan Yu say 'Attack a man's strengths, not his weaknesses'?"

"We should settle this like men, Callum, you steaming pile of crap." Callum made a slight motion, and beyond him Mal could see men grab hold of Kaylee and Zoe, dragging them out of view.

"Coward!" No, mistake! Too emotional.

Callum shrugged off the word. "You ever read 'Macbeth'? 'When shall we three meet again / In thunder, lightning or in rain? When the hurlyburly's done / When the battle's lost and won.' Today my battle lost gets won. Your pilot's already dead. He didn't look to afford much sport, so my boys cut his throat. A mercy killing, really, in the name of fashion. But Corporal Alleyne and this sweet little thing -

Comments
Saturday, 20 March 2010 12:05
I like the internal dialog your characters carry on.

The 'typical female' description nagged at me a little, but I understand what you were doing with the comparison.

I enjoyed Mal's panic and anger and impotence, and Zoe's calm assessing, and Kaylee's 'crew the universe into Tuesday' hehe, great line.

Good stuff. I'm still interested, despite the fact that I almost only ever read M/I fic, so, I'm impressed with that :o)
Saturday, 20 March 2010 18:29
In this chapter and the last, I like how you laid the groundwork for what Wash had to do in War Stories - approaching Niska's station with the ship powered down. Mal's talk with Callum is suitably creepy. And I think you have a good mix with Zoe: not that she wouldn't be afraid - it would be crazy not to - but she'd know how important it is to keep her head for what might be coming.
ELLAGREGGS
Saturday, 20 March 2010 19:18
2x2 - It is Zoe who would think that a 'typical female' would panic. She is trying to fortify herself, and it helps her to think of herself as an unusually strong woman. My own thinking on that line, anyway. But I'm open to changing it and welcome any suggestions you might have. Ella
ELLAGREGGS
Wednesday, 19 May 2010 16:33
I changed that line, removed the 'typical female' reference, since it was distracting people from the main point, which is simply that Zoe is determined to stay level-headed and not give in to fear.

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