Something To Think On: Chapter 17
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
M/I. Post-BDM. On coming full circle.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3136 RATING: 10.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
Something To Think On
by
Chapter Seventeen
One of the old religions from Earth-That-Was (he remembered from his studies, from before he’d stopped believing in everything) had had it that a pastor had to turn away would-be converts three times, to test their sincerity.
But if there was a reason he kept turning her away, it wasn’t that.
When she first told him she wasn’t sure about going back to her girls – her voice timid, the look on her face bashful as he’d ever seen – a warmness spread through him. Intoxicating, it was, and he went to the bridge beaming and spouted off to the little albatross some nonsense or other about love. Walking up into Serenity, whole again after Miranda, it had been so easy, for a little bit, to pretend that Zoe was fine, like she said she was, and that the Companion belonged with him, on his boat.
Bandaid was all it was, though. The Operative’d fixed up his boat – repaired all the rips, patched up all the tears – and for a little bit he could pretend none of it had happened. But only for a little bit. All that horror was still hidden right underneath the surface, like a wound festering.
He found her late one night – some time later – on Serenity’s bridge, not in that seat on the left, where she usually did her star-gazing, but in Wash’s chair (patched up, now, somewhat shabbily, but the same chair – another wound that festered). Feet up on the seat, arms wrapped, loose, around her knees, head leaned back into the chair as she fixed her gaze out the screen, she looked – thin, so thin; when had that happened? – she looked sad.
He looked out the freshly replaced screen, to where she was looking. In the distance on the little backwater moon where they were parked, he could just ma
I think you're instinct was right, that there needed to be something to explain the intensity of Mal's recent even-more-bitter anger towards himself, Inara and, by association, Simon.
I absolutely love the paragraph explaining Mal's shame. It's quite a Mal/Inara cliche, that he feels that he's not good enough, but (and I've read all the Mal/Inara there is, I think), I've never seen it so well described as here: in his sense impressions of the shuttle, then his interpretation of the physical signs of their union. All the changes you've made make both Mal's and Inara's actions entirely understandable and explain perfectly how it went so wrong.
I also love the paragraph describing Mal seeing Zoe in her grief. The image of her is just so pitiful and ugly - so true to life.
And finally - 'They watched each other'. Isn't that just everything, everything about Mal/Inara down to a T?
I think your instinct was right, that there needed to be something to explain the intensity of Mal's recent even-more-bitter anger towards himself, Inara and, by association, Simon.
I absolutely love the paragraph explaining Mal's shame. It's quite a Mal/Inara cliche, that he feels that he's not good enough, but (and I've read all the Mal/Inara there is, I think), I've never seen it so well described as here: in his sense impressions of the shuttle, then his interpretation of the physical signs of their union. All the changes you've made make both Mal's and Inara's actions entirely understandable and explain perfectly how it went so wrong.
I also love the paragraph describing Mal seeing Zoe in her grief. The image of her is just so pitiful and ugly - so true to life.
And finally - 'They watched each other'. Isn't that just everything, everything about Mal/Inara down to a T?
And long time no see to all you folks out there in fff-land. :-)
You do Mal's masculine anxieties, feelings of shame and inadequacy, so well that I refuse to believe you are not a dude. Not exactly new ground, but you write it so well it might as well be.
More!
Oh Mal, Mal, Mal. That scene worked very well.
And Zoe's grief! Very painful to see that, so well done!
Excited for more!
Very nice, also, the way you describe Zoe's teeth bared as she's almost collapsed sobbing in that damn chair. I can see that well.
Then all of Mal's goodbyes. :)
The sex, well... Ignore me, I'm a prude.
MB: I say again, that is really the nicest compliment, because getting that masculine anxiety right is exactly what makes me most nervous about this whole endeavor. So thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm hoping to have another chapter, maybe even two, soon, soon, before the holidays end and real life picks up with a vengeance. I'm on a roll with the next chapter, I think. Wish me luck!
Love how he remembered he didn't kiss her.
Thanks for posting, this has always been one of my favorite post BDM fics... evar.
I loved all the vignettes - Inara watching the fires, Zoe breaking down, the overheard conversation with Kaylee, and Mal's early insistence that he could "get her back." And the parts with Simon, Gabriel and Jayne, with River at the end, I am really anxious to read what comes next. Could Mal possibly say or do the right thing if/when Inara wakes up?
Thanks for a great chapter!
"You can't take the sky from me!"
Post Your Comments
You must log in to post comments.