Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

The Road to Haven: Chapter 1: The Everlasting First

Friday, June 6, 2008

A collaboration between Wytchcroft and SpaceAnJL. Set after 'Those Left Behind', and a sort-of sequel to 'Bell, Book and Candle'...I'm posting it, 'cos Wytch is locked out. Enjoy. Or run away screaming. Your call.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 4270    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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The Road to Haven

This story is set just after Those Left Behind. This is a collaboration between Wytchcroft and SpaceAnJL. I’m posting it, ‘cos Wytch is locked out at present.

Chapter one: The Everlasting First

Something comforting there is - and always - in the book, the Book - THE Book.

No need even to open the battered softened pages - just the feel of the leather binding, the resin-like smell absorbed over years; sweat, dirt, his own body's musk - the luxury of an infrequent aftershave, heat. All the different perfumes of emotion contained therein, in the Book. THE Book. His Book. His Bible.

All the secrets there, without even opening the cover…

But the book is open.

Some folk might smile at an irony - the Shepherd feels only a wave of sadness.

But then, what he is doing, as he sits in the cupboard that serves as a cabin - leaning awkwardly forward as he perches by the narrow reading shelf - what he is doing... well – there are many would call it sinful.

He is reading - his tired eyes wide and intent - scanning the words, scanning the lines, scanning the pages - and the edges of the adhesive tape used to repair them.

The Bible had been... damaged - had been attacked deliberately but uncomprehendingly - the attacker and the act fused into one - damaged... yes.

Trying to 'fix' the Bible, the child had said - tearing into Book's precious papers.

For the longest time, Shepherd Book had thought only of the damage - that the girl was damage. Over time however, he has changed this view - she changed it for him. It was more than just damage... Book knows the Alliance well enough to believe Simon when he calls his sister's condition deliberate - and well enough to know that there might be madness in the method - but method nonetheless. River - 'gifted' certainly, but with what? Sight perhaps... True sight. Captain Malcolm Reynolds calls the girl a 'reader'. How very apt.

But Shepherd Book is the one reading now - divining meaning from t

Comments
Saturday, 07 June 2008 19:58
Wow! A very good start. Going off to read the rest now.
Wednesday, 11 June 2008 01:16
You get Wash so well...
Friday, 20 June 2008 01:33
This time period would be a real challenge to write for, as it's the darkest time they've had. But you made it come alive in some very interesting ways. Wash's humor was a great touch! Loved the dino smiting dialog very much. The tie in with River's reconstructed bible and Book's reconstructed life is an interesting analogy - looking forward to seeing where you're going with it.
Friday, 20 June 2008 16:34
You know, you've really got an interesting thing going. I like Noakes. Telling Jayne: knew your Ma. There's just something really amusing about that. I'd like to see more of him! The crew dealing with the debris field is a hoot! I also like that it's in present tense; it works with the style and gives it all an immediacy.

I have to tell you though, despite the backbone of the story being quite good, I had a really hard time reading this. I've told WC before that I like his style - and I mean it. I see so much promise in this being a truly unique and interesting voice, but I think it still needs time to develop. It's a really hard thing to write outside the rules and still have clarity. The goal of any writing is to express this wonderful thing you imagine to your readers, right? In that respect, this is much better than WC's first postings, but imho it's not quite there yet.

Mainly - for God's sake, please use less dashes and elipses! They make for lovely dramatic pauses and fit this stream-of-consciouness style, but when there's 1-2 in each sentence in a chapter this long, it becomes herky jerky. I tell you, it isn't doing you any favors - what's good in small measures becomes trite when overused. And I don't say this because it's some rule. I'm saying it because I really like the plot and characterizations and want to read more, but it's just *hard* to get through. Sorry, but it is! I need a bit of smoothness here and there, a break for my poor brain to be able to picture the scene and settle into the action without all these - sharp... breaks and - redirects. You know?

As for who wrote what - I would have never guessed that it was co-authored! But since you're interested in guesses... the first section has to be WC, as well as the tin cup part. (Which I love!) The others are hard to tell. Maybe WC is: "Mal is coming out of the galley when he hears..." and the very last bit with Wash. The rest are all SA. That's my guess and I'm stickin' to it LOL! :)

(BTW - I will give you one rule. "Captain" is not capitalized every time it's used. Only when a direct address, as in: "Trouble Captain?" or when it's a proper name: "Captain Reynolds." Other times - no. "The Captain opens his mouth" should be "The captain opens his mouth" My beta with a PhD in literature filled me in on this one, looking up and quoting the whole damned rule to me. Blame her!)

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